Sinovision. Simplified Chiense.
Canton Today Video under SinoVision. I spent an interesting hour already.
ChinaHistory forum.
Fool's Mountain. I contributed some articles for fun.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Thoughts to ponder
The Philosophy of Ambiguity
1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
3. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
4. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
5. IF A DEAF CHILD SAYS SWEAR WORDS IN SIGN LANGUAGE, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
6. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
7. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
8. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
9. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
10. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
11. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
12. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
13. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
14. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
15. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
16. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
17. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
18. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
19. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
20. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
21. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
22. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
23. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL BUT SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
24. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
25. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
26. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
27. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?
28. CAN ATHEISTS GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
3. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
4. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
5. IF A DEAF CHILD SAYS SWEAR WORDS IN SIGN LANGUAGE, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
6. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
7. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
8. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
9. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
10. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
11. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
12. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?
13. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
14. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
15. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
16. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
17. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
18. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
19. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
20. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
21. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
22. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
23. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL BUT SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
24. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
25. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
26. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
27. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?
28. CAN ATHEISTS GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
Woman says 3D porno made her pregnant
Husband claims "anything is possible"
An American woman claims she became pregant after watching a 3D porno.
US military man Erick Jhonson came home from a stint in Iraq to find that his wife was pregnant. Clearly he assumed she had an affair, but his wife Jennifer claims the “other man” was actually someone a little less physical.
It seems he actually buys her story, however. “I see it as suspicious. The films in 3D are very real. With today’s technology, anything is possible,” he said.
What's even more interesting is that both Jennifer and Erick are white, but the child is black. Jeniffer claims the kid looks like the black pornstar she had been ogling. She also claims this was one of the first times she's watched porn and only went with friends for the 3D effect. TechEye did a survey of one person and found 100 percent would say the same thing in a similar situation.
“Even though my husband believed in me, my marriage could be at risk,” Jennifer said. “But he knows I’m faithful.” It just shows you what joining the military does to your head.
Jennifer explained that “a month after watching the movie, I started feeling dizzy and the results were positive.” That must have been one good porno.
3D movies have gained renewed popularity since Avatar, but there have been some concerns raised over how bad they may be for your eyes. Now you'll have to worry about conceiving in the cinema.
You may have jumped when an object in film was thrown at the camera, but now you'll have to be careful of other, far more uncouth things flying at you. TechEye recommends contraception for your next trip to the cinema. You never know.
http://www.techeye.net/internet/woman-says-3d-porno-made-her-pregnant
An American woman claims she became pregant after watching a 3D porno.
US military man Erick Jhonson came home from a stint in Iraq to find that his wife was pregnant. Clearly he assumed she had an affair, but his wife Jennifer claims the “other man” was actually someone a little less physical.
It seems he actually buys her story, however. “I see it as suspicious. The films in 3D are very real. With today’s technology, anything is possible,” he said.
What's even more interesting is that both Jennifer and Erick are white, but the child is black. Jeniffer claims the kid looks like the black pornstar she had been ogling. She also claims this was one of the first times she's watched porn and only went with friends for the 3D effect. TechEye did a survey of one person and found 100 percent would say the same thing in a similar situation.
“Even though my husband believed in me, my marriage could be at risk,” Jennifer said. “But he knows I’m faithful.” It just shows you what joining the military does to your head.
Jennifer explained that “a month after watching the movie, I started feeling dizzy and the results were positive.” That must have been one good porno.
3D movies have gained renewed popularity since Avatar, but there have been some concerns raised over how bad they may be for your eyes. Now you'll have to worry about conceiving in the cinema.
You may have jumped when an object in film was thrown at the camera, but now you'll have to be careful of other, far more uncouth things flying at you. TechEye recommends contraception for your next trip to the cinema. You never know.
http://www.techeye.net/internet/woman-says-3d-porno-made-her-pregnant
A lady at the bar
Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, "Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, it doesn't matter to me. I just love it."
Eyes now wide with interest, he responds, "No kidding. I'm in Congress too.
What state are you from?"
Eyes now wide with interest, he responds, "No kidding. I'm in Congress too.
What state are you from?"
How much is beauty worth?
回答很精辟.增值与?值.??与租用.
年輕漂亮的女孩想嫁個有錢人（金融家的回覆令人拍案叫絕)！
一個年輕漂亮的美國女孩在美國一家大型網上論壇金融版上發表了這樣一個問題帖︰我怎樣才能嫁給有錢人？
我下面要說的都是心裡話。本人 25 歲，非常漂亮，是那種讓人驚艷的漂亮，談吐文雅，有品位，想嫁給年薪 50 萬美元的人。你也許會說我貪心，但在紐約年薪
100 萬才算是中產，本人的要求其實不高。這個版上有沒有年薪超過 50 萬的人？你們都結婚了嗎？我想請教各位一個問題 ——
怎樣才能嫁給你們這樣的有錢人？
我約會過的人中，最有錢的年薪 25 萬，這似乎是我的上限。要住進紐約中心公園以西的高尚住宅區，年薪 25
萬遠遠不夠。我是來誠心誠意請教的。有幾個具體的問題︰
一、有錢的單身漢一般都在哪裡消磨時光？（請列出酒吧、飯店、健身房的名字和詳細地址。）
二、我應該把目標定在哪個年齡段？
三、為什麼有些富豪的妻子看起來相貌平平？我見過有些女孩，長相如同白開水，毫無吸引人的地方，但她們卻能嫁入豪門。而單身酒吧裡那些迷死人的美女卻運氣不佳。
四、你們怎麼決定誰能做妻子，誰只能做女朋友？（我現在的目標是結婚。）
—— 波爾斯女士 ——
下面是一個華爾街金融家的回帖︰
親愛的波爾斯︰我懷著極大的興趣看完了貴帖，相信不少女士也有跟你類似的疑問。讓我以一個投資專家的身份，對你的處境做一分析。我年薪超過 50
萬，符合你的擇偶標準，所以請相信我並不是在浪費大家的時間。
從生意人的角度來看，跟你結婚是個糟糕的經營決策，道理再明白不過，請聽我解釋。拋開細枝末節，你所說的其實是一筆簡單的“財”“貌”交易︰甲方提供述人的外表，乙方出錢，公平交易，童叟無欺。但是，這裡有個致命的問題，你的美貌會消逝，但我的錢卻不會無緣無故減少。事實上，我的收入很可能會逐年遞增．而你不可能一年比一年漂亮。因此，從經濟學的角度講，我是增值資產，你是貶值資產，不但貶值，而且是加速貶值！你現在
25 歲，在未來的五年裡，你仍可以保持窈窕的身段，俏麗的容貌，雖然每年略有退步。但美貌消逝的速度會越來越快，如果它是你僅有的資產，十年以後你的價值甚憂。
用華爾街術語說，每筆交易都有一個倉位，跟你交往屬於「交易倉位（Trading Position）」，一旦價值下跌就要立即拋售，而不宜長期持有 ——
也就是你想要的婚姻。聽起來很殘忍，但對一件會加速貶值的物資，明智的選擇是租賃，而不是購入。年薪能超過 50
萬的人，當然都不是傻瓜，因此我們只會跟你交往，但不會跟你結婚。所以我勸你不要苦苦尋找嫁給有錢人的秘方。順便說一句，你倒可以想辦法把自己變成年薪 50
萬的人，這比踫到一個有錢的傻瓜的勝算要大。
希望我的回帖能對你有幫助。如果你對“租賃”感興趣，請跟我聯系。
—— 羅波．坎貝爾（J‧P‧摩根銀行多種產業投資顧問）——
年輕漂亮的女孩想嫁個有錢人（金融家的回覆令人拍案叫絕)！
一個年輕漂亮的美國女孩在美國一家大型網上論壇金融版上發表了這樣一個問題帖︰我怎樣才能嫁給有錢人？
我下面要說的都是心裡話。本人 25 歲，非常漂亮，是那種讓人驚艷的漂亮，談吐文雅，有品位，想嫁給年薪 50 萬美元的人。你也許會說我貪心，但在紐約年薪
100 萬才算是中產，本人的要求其實不高。這個版上有沒有年薪超過 50 萬的人？你們都結婚了嗎？我想請教各位一個問題 ——
怎樣才能嫁給你們這樣的有錢人？
我約會過的人中，最有錢的年薪 25 萬，這似乎是我的上限。要住進紐約中心公園以西的高尚住宅區，年薪 25
萬遠遠不夠。我是來誠心誠意請教的。有幾個具體的問題︰
一、有錢的單身漢一般都在哪裡消磨時光？（請列出酒吧、飯店、健身房的名字和詳細地址。）
二、我應該把目標定在哪個年齡段？
三、為什麼有些富豪的妻子看起來相貌平平？我見過有些女孩，長相如同白開水，毫無吸引人的地方，但她們卻能嫁入豪門。而單身酒吧裡那些迷死人的美女卻運氣不佳。
四、你們怎麼決定誰能做妻子，誰只能做女朋友？（我現在的目標是結婚。）
—— 波爾斯女士 ——
下面是一個華爾街金融家的回帖︰
親愛的波爾斯︰我懷著極大的興趣看完了貴帖，相信不少女士也有跟你類似的疑問。讓我以一個投資專家的身份，對你的處境做一分析。我年薪超過 50
萬，符合你的擇偶標準，所以請相信我並不是在浪費大家的時間。
從生意人的角度來看，跟你結婚是個糟糕的經營決策，道理再明白不過，請聽我解釋。拋開細枝末節，你所說的其實是一筆簡單的“財”“貌”交易︰甲方提供述人的外表，乙方出錢，公平交易，童叟無欺。但是，這裡有個致命的問題，你的美貌會消逝，但我的錢卻不會無緣無故減少。事實上，我的收入很可能會逐年遞增．而你不可能一年比一年漂亮。因此，從經濟學的角度講，我是增值資產，你是貶值資產，不但貶值，而且是加速貶值！你現在
25 歲，在未來的五年裡，你仍可以保持窈窕的身段，俏麗的容貌，雖然每年略有退步。但美貌消逝的速度會越來越快，如果它是你僅有的資產，十年以後你的價值甚憂。
用華爾街術語說，每筆交易都有一個倉位，跟你交往屬於「交易倉位（Trading Position）」，一旦價值下跌就要立即拋售，而不宜長期持有 ——
也就是你想要的婚姻。聽起來很殘忍，但對一件會加速貶值的物資，明智的選擇是租賃，而不是購入。年薪能超過 50
萬的人，當然都不是傻瓜，因此我們只會跟你交往，但不會跟你結婚。所以我勸你不要苦苦尋找嫁給有錢人的秘方。順便說一句，你倒可以想辦法把自己變成年薪 50
萬的人，這比踫到一個有錢的傻瓜的勝算要大。
希望我的回帖能對你有幫助。如果你對“租賃”感興趣，請跟我聯系。
—— 羅波．坎貝爾（J‧P‧摩根銀行多種產業投資顧問）——
Marriage
When a man steals your wife, there's no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Lee Majors
After marriage, husband and wife become 2 sides of a coin; they just can't face each other but still they stay together.
Al Gore
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things and prevents us from achieving them.
Mike Tyson
The great question which I haven't been able to answer is, "What does a woman want?"
George Clooney
I had some words with my wife and she had some paragraphs with me.
Bill Clinton
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant 2 times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
George W Bush
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for 2 years.
Rudy Giuliani
There's a way of transferring funds that's even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
Michael Jordan
I've had bad luck with all my wives. The 1st one left me and the 2nd one didn’t. The 3rd gave me more children!
Donald Trump
2 secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1) Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2) Whenever you're right, shut up. Shaquille O’Neal
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Kobe Bryant
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
David Hasselhoff
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
Alec Baldwin
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Barack Obama
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Tommy Lee
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted". Next day he received 100 letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Brad Pitt
1st Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" 2nd Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Jimmy Kimmel
"Honey, what happened to 'ladies first'?" Husband replies, "That's the reason why the world's a mess today because a lady went first!"
David Letterman
1st there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, soon after comes suffering!
Jay Leno
Lee Majors
After marriage, husband and wife become 2 sides of a coin; they just can't face each other but still they stay together.
Al Gore
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things and prevents us from achieving them.
Mike Tyson
The great question which I haven't been able to answer is, "What does a woman want?"
George Clooney
I had some words with my wife and she had some paragraphs with me.
Bill Clinton
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant 2 times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
George W Bush
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for 2 years.
Rudy Giuliani
There's a way of transferring funds that's even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
Michael Jordan
I've had bad luck with all my wives. The 1st one left me and the 2nd one didn’t. The 3rd gave me more children!
Donald Trump
2 secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1) Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2) Whenever you're right, shut up. Shaquille O’Neal
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Kobe Bryant
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
David Hasselhoff
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
Alec Baldwin
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Barack Obama
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Tommy Lee
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted". Next day he received 100 letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Brad Pitt
1st Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" 2nd Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Jimmy Kimmel
"Honey, what happened to 'ladies first'?" Husband replies, "That's the reason why the world's a mess today because a lady went first!"
David Letterman
1st there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, soon after comes suffering!
Jay Leno
Funny Chinese names
聽過一個李素寶...嫁左比個姓"簫"既...即係...
洪梅貴, 周新恆, 羅有大, 吳長大, 吳昭德, 吳美麗, 莫思科, 林花, 郭德雲, 麥生仁, 老來旺, 吳廣德, 畢可宜, 周蕙娟, 鍾樂海, 廖植彪, 劉比蒂, 史塔蓋柯蘭詩, 黃嘉嵐--->變綠 ?
"兩父子, 阿爸叫李杰, 個仔叫李仲杰"
"三兄妹: 游詠富, 游詠依, 游詠慈"... 游世伯, 咁大整古呀!"
上次去台灣某銀行兌換台幣...睇一睇櫃面個名牌... 個服務員叫"吳曉郁"...一行六人冇個忍到笑.... 仲有,有冇聽過人叫"陸浩昌, 伍浩昌"?
"陸浩昌先生, 請即到5號窗;伍浩昌先生,請即到6號窗!"
我以前個班主任叫"吳樹喜"
我識得一個老師叫"周有松"!
其實, 日文名都可以好好笑，
例如：吉川春代子，菊行條野，金其良美，鹿島條野，條野有次郎.....
牛津 = 牛頭角津貼小學
哈佛 = 哈爾濱佛教中學
其實聯婚都好好笑，例如：賴廖聯婚，賴史聯婚
史家有四兄弟, 分別係....史泰龍,史太杰,史太香,史勞仁
有個人姓周, 做了紳士
吳潔芬, 唔......新時代女性，一於同居算。
有次在商場，有個男人唔見左個仔，於是就搵Security Guard 幫手, 在商場廣播，話佢爸爸在門口等佢?
廣播內容係如下："徐家權小朋友，你爸爸徐定富在門口等你."
知唔知個「費」字做姓氏果陣讀「秘」音...
差人：差人查身分證.....叫咩名.....
路人：費密(秘密)
差人：差人做野呀.....咪玩la.....
費密：都話費! 密(? 絞K)咯.......
差人：仲玩？！阻差辦公呀.....拎身分證黎！
費密乖乖畀身分證差人.....
差人：哦.....原來係費密(廢物丫?).....
費密：唔係呢....係費密丫(秘密)....
差人：費密(廢物)就費密(廢物)la....秘乜鬼密丫.....!!!
神神秘秘咁.....
係就係核突Ｄ......
費密：.........-_-#!!!
A:你叫咩名呀?
B:鐘定英(中定英?)
A:中文啦
B:鐘定英呀~~~~
A:咁英文啦~~~~
B:Chong Ting Ying
A:................-_-#!!!
洪梅貴, 周新恆, 羅有大, 吳長大, 吳昭德, 吳美麗, 莫思科, 林花, 郭德雲, 麥生仁, 老來旺, 吳廣德, 畢可宜, 周蕙娟, 鍾樂海, 廖植彪, 劉比蒂, 史塔蓋柯蘭詩, 黃嘉嵐--->變綠 ?
"兩父子, 阿爸叫李杰, 個仔叫李仲杰"
"三兄妹: 游詠富, 游詠依, 游詠慈"... 游世伯, 咁大整古呀!"
上次去台灣某銀行兌換台幣...睇一睇櫃面個名牌... 個服務員叫"吳曉郁"...一行六人冇個忍到笑.... 仲有,有冇聽過人叫"陸浩昌, 伍浩昌"?
"陸浩昌先生, 請即到5號窗;伍浩昌先生,請即到6號窗!"
我以前個班主任叫"吳樹喜"
我識得一個老師叫"周有松"!
其實, 日文名都可以好好笑，
例如：吉川春代子，菊行條野，金其良美，鹿島條野，條野有次郎.....
牛津 = 牛頭角津貼小學
哈佛 = 哈爾濱佛教中學
其實聯婚都好好笑，例如：賴廖聯婚，賴史聯婚
史家有四兄弟, 分別係....史泰龍,史太杰,史太香,史勞仁
有個人姓周, 做了紳士
吳潔芬, 唔......新時代女性，一於同居算。
有次在商場，有個男人唔見左個仔，於是就搵Security Guard 幫手, 在商場廣播，話佢爸爸在門口等佢?
廣播內容係如下："徐家權小朋友，你爸爸徐定富在門口等你."
知唔知個「費」字做姓氏果陣讀「秘」音...
差人：差人查身分證.....叫咩名.....
路人：費密(秘密)
差人：差人做野呀.....咪玩la.....
費密：都話費! 密(? 絞K)咯.......
差人：仲玩？！阻差辦公呀.....拎身分證黎！
費密乖乖畀身分證差人.....
差人：哦.....原來係費密(廢物丫?).....
費密：唔係呢....係費密丫(秘密)....
差人：費密(廢物)就費密(廢物)la....秘乜鬼密丫.....!!!
神神秘秘咁.....
係就係核突Ｄ......
費密：.........-_-#!!!
A:你叫咩名呀?
B:鐘定英(中定英?)
A:中文啦
B:鐘定英呀~~~~
A:咁英文啦~~~~
B:Chong Ting Ying
A:................-_-#!!!
this is your captain speaking
Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:
'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain.Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and...... OH, MY GOD!'
Silence followed!
Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom.
'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you . While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
One Irish passenger yelled... 'For f*#k's sake ... you should see the back of mine!'
'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain.Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and...... OH, MY GOD!'
Silence followed!
Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom.
'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you . While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
One Irish passenger yelled... 'For f*#k's sake ... you should see the back of mine!'
暫時減輕壓力
香港的語文文化在世界上是獨特一格的，通常都是中西合璧，在一句說話中常常夾雜著一些英文，甚至只帶單一個英文字。在香港生活的人見怪不怪，習以為常。不知在國內或居住在世界各地的華人覺得怎樣。
近日朋友寄來一位仁兄的大作，看似打油詩，也像數白欖。讀起來相當押諳，因為每句尾都有一個英文字加上 " ing " ，意思非常貼切兼傳神。是一篇不可多得的現代潮流之通俗文字。在繁忙工作中，抽空細心欣賞，可以幫你輕鬆一下，暫時減輕壓力，不失為一清涼劑。相信此種文字在中國文化歷史中或許有機會留一小小位置。
人生何處不 laughing
閉上眼好好 thinking , 人生就像一幅 painting，
點點滴滴如何 coloring，還看你今怎樣 planning？
有人怨天尤人經常 crying，有人餐搵餐食掛住 shopping，
有人遊戲人間鍾情 playing，有人空談理想齋 talking；
也有人永不停步不斷 struggling，像薛家燕雖然百病纏身令她 suffering，
但為了子女將來的美好 living，依然不理手術後傷口仍在 paining，
繼續拍劇繼續 working，令聞者 worrying，聽者 touching，
都說母愛永遠最是 shinning。
時光列車在身旁高速 passing，頭上白髮告訴你青春不會 waiting，
你不期然開始 wondering，為何幸運之神總是未有 coming，
前路數之不盡的蕉皮令你slipping，成功的燈塔卻遠在天邊未能climbing，
莫非永遠龍游淺水，就像那條座頭鯨? swimming？
當初百多元買入匯豐當作 saving，誰知股票一再 falling，
怎不教人 shocking？
既然捉不到高位沽貨的 timing，又經歷身家大縮水的 losing，
開始看透富貴只如天際 clouding，這分鐘享受 winning，下一秒卻只有 nothing。
何不找一個陽光普照的 morning，走到郊外試試 hiking，
聽小鳥無愁地 singing，看地上蟻群悠閒地 walking，
還有風聲蟬鳴蛙叫讓你 listening；再放眼 looking，
天上飛鳥自在地 flying，是不是很好 feeling？
誰說人生 boring？
看大自然的 amazing，感受活的 pleasing! 來吧！ do something！
不要沉迷於 drinking或sleeping，總有人令你 missing，總有目標讓你朝running，
哪怕 dying，哪怕 raining，信自己是最 charming，
替自己在生命冊上預留一個 booking，寫下無悔今生的 happy ending！
最後讓我們 ask for God's blessing!
近日朋友寄來一位仁兄的大作，看似打油詩，也像數白欖。讀起來相當押諳，因為每句尾都有一個英文字加上 " ing " ，意思非常貼切兼傳神。是一篇不可多得的現代潮流之通俗文字。在繁忙工作中，抽空細心欣賞，可以幫你輕鬆一下，暫時減輕壓力，不失為一清涼劑。相信此種文字在中國文化歷史中或許有機會留一小小位置。
人生何處不 laughing
閉上眼好好 thinking , 人生就像一幅 painting，
點點滴滴如何 coloring，還看你今怎樣 planning？
有人怨天尤人經常 crying，有人餐搵餐食掛住 shopping，
有人遊戲人間鍾情 playing，有人空談理想齋 talking；
也有人永不停步不斷 struggling，像薛家燕雖然百病纏身令她 suffering，
但為了子女將來的美好 living，依然不理手術後傷口仍在 paining，
繼續拍劇繼續 working，令聞者 worrying，聽者 touching，
都說母愛永遠最是 shinning。
時光列車在身旁高速 passing，頭上白髮告訴你青春不會 waiting，
你不期然開始 wondering，為何幸運之神總是未有 coming，
前路數之不盡的蕉皮令你slipping，成功的燈塔卻遠在天邊未能climbing，
莫非永遠龍游淺水，就像那條座頭鯨? swimming？
當初百多元買入匯豐當作 saving，誰知股票一再 falling，
怎不教人 shocking？
既然捉不到高位沽貨的 timing，又經歷身家大縮水的 losing，
開始看透富貴只如天際 clouding，這分鐘享受 winning，下一秒卻只有 nothing。
何不找一個陽光普照的 morning，走到郊外試試 hiking，
聽小鳥無愁地 singing，看地上蟻群悠閒地 walking，
還有風聲蟬鳴蛙叫讓你 listening；再放眼 looking，
天上飛鳥自在地 flying，是不是很好 feeling？
誰說人生 boring？
看大自然的 amazing，感受活的 pleasing! 來吧！ do something！
不要沉迷於 drinking或sleeping，總有人令你 missing，總有目標讓你朝running，
哪怕 dying，哪怕 raining，信自己是最 charming，
替自己在生命冊上預留一個 booking，寫下無悔今生的 happy ending！
最後讓我們 ask for God's blessing!
生薑
橫掃寒涼全無敵--生薑就是「還魂」藥
中醫世界│首頁
作者：馬悅凌
生薑祛病保健的方法由來已久。早在春秋時代，孔子就有一年四季不離薑的習慣，在《論語。鄉黨》中有：「不撤薑食，不多食」之說。南宋朱熹在《論語集注》中說：「薑能通神明，去穢惡，幫不撤。」在現存最早的中藥專著《神農本草經》也有關於薑的記載：「乾姜，味辛溫，主胸胸滿，咳逆上氣，溫中止血、出汗、逐風；溫脾，腸辟下痢。」李時珍在《本草糾目》中也推崇薑的妙用：「薑，辛而不勞，可蔬，可和，可果，可藥。」生薑熬的湯還有一個別名叫「還魂湯」。在蘇東坡的《雜證》中也曾記載，錢塘淨慈寺的和尚，八十多歲，顏色如童子，問其故，「自言服生薑四十年，故不老雲」。民間也有「朝含三片薑，不用開藥方」，「冬有生薑，不怕風霜」，「冬吃蘿蔔夏吃薑，不勞醫生開藥方」，「家備小薑，小病不慌」等說法。
生薑性溫，其特有的「薑辣素」能刺激胃腸黏膜，使胃、腸道充血，消化能力增強，能有效地治療吃寒涼食物過多而引起的腹脹、腹痛、腹瀉、嘔吐等。
吃過生薑後，人會有身體發熱的感覺，這是因為它能使血管擴張，血液循環加快，促使身上的毛孔張開，這樣不但能把多餘的熱帶走，同時還把體內的病菌、寒氣一同帶出。所以，當身體吃了寒涼之物，受了雨淋，或在空調房間裏呆久後，吃生薑就能及時排除寒氣，消除因肌體寒重造成的各種不適。
下面針對一些常見病來介紹一下生薑的不同用法：
受涼感冒：用生薑3～4片加半勺紅糖煮水喝，一日2～3次。
感冒伴有咳嗽：生薑3～4片、大蒜7～8瓣加紅糖半勺一起煮，一日2～3次。
感冒伴有發熱：在生薑、紅糖水中再加入大蔥1根，一次2～3次。
吃過食物後腹脹：可直接口含生薑片，或喝生薑水，一會兒就能緩解。
受涼引起腹瀉：用燒開的生薑水沖雞蛋，一日2～3次，很快就好，腹瀉停止後再喝一天，以鞏固療效，暖胃腸。
空調房間呆久後引起的渾身發緊，頭發脹：隨時口含生薑片或每天在用2～3片生薑泡水喝，身體的不適馬上消除。
口腔潰瘍、牙周炎、口臭丶喉嚨發癢：口含生薑片或煮生薑水喝就能治癒，以後只要不吃寒涼食物，就不會復發。
咽喉腫痛：在熱薑水中加入少許的食鹽，當茶飲用。
孕期嘔吐：經常口含一片生薑就能治療和預防。
小兒吐奶：用1～2片生薑煮水喝後再餵奶。
消化不良、食欲不振：生薑和紅棗(切片)一起煮水喝，一日2次，就能開胃。
關節痛：每天早上起床後吃幾片生薑或者煮薑棗水喝，一-日3次堅持吃能明顯緩解關節的疼痛。
痛經：在生薑、紅糖水裏再加入2～3粒山楂，一日2～3次即好。
酒後頭痛、頭暈：可用生薑煮水喝，馬上緩解。手腳已生凍瘡但未破潰：可用生薑煮水泡手、泡腳。
長痱子：用生薑切片外擦，痱於很快就退，大人孩子都可用。
頭屑多、掉髮：經常用溫薑水洗頭，效果不錯可試試。
狐臭：每天用生薑片多擦凡次，能明顯減少臭味。
另外，生薑還有解毒的功能。如誤食了毒覃，輕者會舌麻、噁心、嘔吐，最好的方法就是趕緊口嚼生薑，連吃幾片，怕辣的人就多切幾片生薑煮水喝，要連喝幾次至症狀完全消失；重者會引起神志不清、昏迷，在送入醫院搶救後，等病情穩定了之後，就給病人喝生薑水，這樣能更快速地驅除毒質。
中年男士易患高血壓病，是由於體內寒濕重，經絡瘀堵不暢造成的。可以在每晚泡腳的水中加入生薑，有助於去寒、降血壓。同時生薑又是助陽之品，自古以來中醫就有「男子不可百日無薑」之說，常用生薑水泡腳既可以去寒又不上火，而且降壓、補腎，同時可以治療男性前列腺炎等疾病。
生薑唯一的不足之處就是常吃會引起肝火旺，所以一般情況下，肝炎病人是忌吃的，口乾、便秘、患痔瘡的病人也要少吃。
克制吃薑引起的肝火旺，可以同時配一些舒肝、理氣的食物，如山楂、菊花，用它們泡茶喝，這樣就可以消除生薑引起的燥熱而不傷身體。
有一位94歲的老將軍，是我見到的高齡老人中身體最棒的，從外表上看絕對猜不出他的年齡，像是六十多歲一樣。他臉色紅潤，皺紋很少，，而且還沒有老人斑，步履輕盈，一點沒有一般老人走路時的沉重感。老將軍的記憶力非常好，思維特別敏捷，他說從未感覺自己老了，也從未覺得身體是自己的負擔。我看了看老人的手相，又摸了第二掌骨，證實老人確實身體硬朗，沒有多病的跡象，只是小魚際處略偏紅，這是陰虛火旺之人的共同特徵，再看老人的舌頭，舌邊上有些發紅，證明他有些肝火旺。我就跟老人說，您身體內熱有些大吧。老人點頭稱是，因為他特別喜歡吃生的薑和蒜，幾乎每天中午、晚上吃飯時都會吃上一些，已堅持了幾十年，因為長年吃生薑，身體內的寒濕就無法立足，經絡也就一直暢通，自然就沒有明顯的衰老和多病的情況出現。
老人又告訴我他每天用3～4朵菊花、山楂、幾粒枸杞、少量的決明子和一點綠茶，用滾開的水沖泡後，就是他每天喝的茶，這種飲法堅持了很久。我想，就是這些舒肝、理氣的茶，緩解了老人長年吃薑、蒜造成的內熱大、肝火旺，使他的身體一直保持一種平衡、和諧。如果老人只是吃薑、蒜，長年下來他的肝臟會受不了，眼睛也會出現問題的；但如果只喝舒肝、理氣的茶，身體就會氣虚、冷氣、抵抗力下降，久之就会生病。而老人将二者綜合起來，既用薑、蒜驅了寒，活了血，又及時疏理了肝火，不致瘀堵。而且，老人的飲食十分注重營養，近年來除了飯量比以前少了一些，飲食習慣幾乎沒變，照樣吃魚、蝦和各種肉，還經常會喝上幾兩白酒，老將軍說：「我的目標是150歲，我相信我能做到。」!
薑
在家煮飯燒菜所用的生薑只要有一部分爛掉
便要整個丟棄
千萬不要捨不得只把爛的切掉
留下好的繼續燒菜
因為薑腐爛時
薑體會產生很強的“黃樟素”
人體吃進黃樟素會造成肝細胞病變
嚴重影響身體健康
所以婆婆媽媽們不要因小失大
薑爛了就整個丟掉~
中醫世界│首頁
作者：馬悅凌
生薑祛病保健的方法由來已久。早在春秋時代，孔子就有一年四季不離薑的習慣，在《論語。鄉黨》中有：「不撤薑食，不多食」之說。南宋朱熹在《論語集注》中說：「薑能通神明，去穢惡，幫不撤。」在現存最早的中藥專著《神農本草經》也有關於薑的記載：「乾姜，味辛溫，主胸胸滿，咳逆上氣，溫中止血、出汗、逐風；溫脾，腸辟下痢。」李時珍在《本草糾目》中也推崇薑的妙用：「薑，辛而不勞，可蔬，可和，可果，可藥。」生薑熬的湯還有一個別名叫「還魂湯」。在蘇東坡的《雜證》中也曾記載，錢塘淨慈寺的和尚，八十多歲，顏色如童子，問其故，「自言服生薑四十年，故不老雲」。民間也有「朝含三片薑，不用開藥方」，「冬有生薑，不怕風霜」，「冬吃蘿蔔夏吃薑，不勞醫生開藥方」，「家備小薑，小病不慌」等說法。
生薑性溫，其特有的「薑辣素」能刺激胃腸黏膜，使胃、腸道充血，消化能力增強，能有效地治療吃寒涼食物過多而引起的腹脹、腹痛、腹瀉、嘔吐等。
吃過生薑後，人會有身體發熱的感覺，這是因為它能使血管擴張，血液循環加快，促使身上的毛孔張開，這樣不但能把多餘的熱帶走，同時還把體內的病菌、寒氣一同帶出。所以，當身體吃了寒涼之物，受了雨淋，或在空調房間裏呆久後，吃生薑就能及時排除寒氣，消除因肌體寒重造成的各種不適。
下面針對一些常見病來介紹一下生薑的不同用法：
受涼感冒：用生薑3～4片加半勺紅糖煮水喝，一日2～3次。
感冒伴有咳嗽：生薑3～4片、大蒜7～8瓣加紅糖半勺一起煮，一日2～3次。
感冒伴有發熱：在生薑、紅糖水中再加入大蔥1根，一次2～3次。
吃過食物後腹脹：可直接口含生薑片，或喝生薑水，一會兒就能緩解。
受涼引起腹瀉：用燒開的生薑水沖雞蛋，一日2～3次，很快就好，腹瀉停止後再喝一天，以鞏固療效，暖胃腸。
空調房間呆久後引起的渾身發緊，頭發脹：隨時口含生薑片或每天在用2～3片生薑泡水喝，身體的不適馬上消除。
口腔潰瘍、牙周炎、口臭丶喉嚨發癢：口含生薑片或煮生薑水喝就能治癒，以後只要不吃寒涼食物，就不會復發。
咽喉腫痛：在熱薑水中加入少許的食鹽，當茶飲用。
孕期嘔吐：經常口含一片生薑就能治療和預防。
小兒吐奶：用1～2片生薑煮水喝後再餵奶。
消化不良、食欲不振：生薑和紅棗(切片)一起煮水喝，一日2次，就能開胃。
關節痛：每天早上起床後吃幾片生薑或者煮薑棗水喝，一-日3次堅持吃能明顯緩解關節的疼痛。
痛經：在生薑、紅糖水裏再加入2～3粒山楂，一日2～3次即好。
酒後頭痛、頭暈：可用生薑煮水喝，馬上緩解。手腳已生凍瘡但未破潰：可用生薑煮水泡手、泡腳。
長痱子：用生薑切片外擦，痱於很快就退，大人孩子都可用。
頭屑多、掉髮：經常用溫薑水洗頭，效果不錯可試試。
狐臭：每天用生薑片多擦凡次，能明顯減少臭味。
另外，生薑還有解毒的功能。如誤食了毒覃，輕者會舌麻、噁心、嘔吐，最好的方法就是趕緊口嚼生薑，連吃幾片，怕辣的人就多切幾片生薑煮水喝，要連喝幾次至症狀完全消失；重者會引起神志不清、昏迷，在送入醫院搶救後，等病情穩定了之後，就給病人喝生薑水，這樣能更快速地驅除毒質。
中年男士易患高血壓病，是由於體內寒濕重，經絡瘀堵不暢造成的。可以在每晚泡腳的水中加入生薑，有助於去寒、降血壓。同時生薑又是助陽之品，自古以來中醫就有「男子不可百日無薑」之說，常用生薑水泡腳既可以去寒又不上火，而且降壓、補腎，同時可以治療男性前列腺炎等疾病。
生薑唯一的不足之處就是常吃會引起肝火旺，所以一般情況下，肝炎病人是忌吃的，口乾、便秘、患痔瘡的病人也要少吃。
克制吃薑引起的肝火旺，可以同時配一些舒肝、理氣的食物，如山楂、菊花，用它們泡茶喝，這樣就可以消除生薑引起的燥熱而不傷身體。
有一位94歲的老將軍，是我見到的高齡老人中身體最棒的，從外表上看絕對猜不出他的年齡，像是六十多歲一樣。他臉色紅潤，皺紋很少，，而且還沒有老人斑，步履輕盈，一點沒有一般老人走路時的沉重感。老將軍的記憶力非常好，思維特別敏捷，他說從未感覺自己老了，也從未覺得身體是自己的負擔。我看了看老人的手相，又摸了第二掌骨，證實老人確實身體硬朗，沒有多病的跡象，只是小魚際處略偏紅，這是陰虛火旺之人的共同特徵，再看老人的舌頭，舌邊上有些發紅，證明他有些肝火旺。我就跟老人說，您身體內熱有些大吧。老人點頭稱是，因為他特別喜歡吃生的薑和蒜，幾乎每天中午、晚上吃飯時都會吃上一些，已堅持了幾十年，因為長年吃生薑，身體內的寒濕就無法立足，經絡也就一直暢通，自然就沒有明顯的衰老和多病的情況出現。
老人又告訴我他每天用3～4朵菊花、山楂、幾粒枸杞、少量的決明子和一點綠茶，用滾開的水沖泡後，就是他每天喝的茶，這種飲法堅持了很久。我想，就是這些舒肝、理氣的茶，緩解了老人長年吃薑、蒜造成的內熱大、肝火旺，使他的身體一直保持一種平衡、和諧。如果老人只是吃薑、蒜，長年下來他的肝臟會受不了，眼睛也會出現問題的；但如果只喝舒肝、理氣的茶，身體就會氣虚、冷氣、抵抗力下降，久之就会生病。而老人将二者綜合起來，既用薑、蒜驅了寒，活了血，又及時疏理了肝火，不致瘀堵。而且，老人的飲食十分注重營養，近年來除了飯量比以前少了一些，飲食習慣幾乎沒變，照樣吃魚、蝦和各種肉，還經常會喝上幾兩白酒，老將軍說：「我的目標是150歲，我相信我能做到。」!
薑
在家煮飯燒菜所用的生薑只要有一部分爛掉
便要整個丟棄
千萬不要捨不得只把爛的切掉
留下好的繼續燒菜
因為薑腐爛時
薑體會產生很強的“黃樟素”
人體吃進黃樟素會造成肝細胞病變
嚴重影響身體健康
所以婆婆媽媽們不要因小失大
薑爛了就整個丟掉~
Discovery Channel
An elderly couple was watching a Discovery Channel
special about a West African bush tribe whose men all
had penises 24 inches long. When the black male reaches
a certain age, a string is tied around his penis, and
on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight
stretches the penis to 24 inches. Later that evening as
the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife
looked at him and said, "How about we try the African
string-and-weight procedure?" The husband agreed and they
tied a string and a weight to his penis.A few days later,
the wife asked the husband, "How is our little tribal
experiment coming along?" "Well, it looks like we're about
half way there," he replied.
"Wow, you mean it's grown to 12 inches?"
"No, it's turned black."
special about a West African bush tribe whose men all
had penises 24 inches long. When the black male reaches
a certain age, a string is tied around his penis, and
on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight
stretches the penis to 24 inches. Later that evening as
the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife
looked at him and said, "How about we try the African
string-and-weight procedure?" The husband agreed and they
tied a string and a weight to his penis.A few days later,
the wife asked the husband, "How is our little tribal
experiment coming along?" "Well, it looks like we're about
half way there," he replied.
"Wow, you mean it's grown to 12 inches?"
"No, it's turned black."
Monday, May 3, 2010
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