| (一) 某次去飯館吃飯，菜譜上有道菜叫 “青龍過海”? 覺得新鮮，于是點了一道 結果盤子端上來一看 一碗清湯，上面漂著一棵蔥... 我在公司樓下的飯店點過一道菜 :“母子相會” 上來一看，居然是黃豆炒黃豆芽。 (二) 我點過一個“走在鄉間的小路上" 是紅燒豬腳，然后邊上鑲點香菜 (三) 有一次和同學去巴山吃飯，然后發現有一個涼菜叫做“一國兩制” 然后就隨口問服務員這是what 結果服務員說 :“就是煮花生米和炸花生米” (四) 我吃過一道菜叫做“火山下大雪” 就是涼拌西紅柿(台灣叫做蕃茄)上面灑上白糖 (五) 還吃過一道菜,叫"青龍臥雪 就是一盤白糖上面放根黃瓜. (六) 某日在宴賓樓吃飯點了道“悄悄話” 端上來一看 原來是豬舌頭和豬耳朵 (七) 我點過一道菜叫“絕代雙驕” 就是────青辣椒+紅辣椒 (八) 有一個叫“心痛的感覺” 其實就是一杯白開水（50元） (九) 有位朋友去泰山玩，在一家小面館點了一份“牛拉麵" 后來發現一片牛肉也沒有。 于是叫來店主論理，得到的答案是： 做麵條的師傅姓牛！ 朋友當場幾乎暈倒， 問：你們就不考慮長久生意嗎？ 店主答曰：一般的客人一生也就來一次泰山， 能到我這兒吃一碗麵, 我已經很幸運了！ |
Showing posts with label Joke from Martin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joke from Martin. Show all posts
Thursday, September 3, 2009
在中國餐廳點餸...
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Hot mama
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street
with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris
and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Dr.'
“Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”'
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.
I said, “You've got a heart murmur; be careful.”'
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street
with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris
and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Dr.'
“Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”'
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.
I said, “You've got a heart murmur; be careful.”'
Arthritis
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor
and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool...
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool...
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
I love this doctor
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for me?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little big around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for my figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride' AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat - and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat - and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine - and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine - and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats - and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Apparently it's speaking English that kills you.
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for me?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little big around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for my figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride' AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat - and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat - and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine - and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine - and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats - and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Apparently it's speaking English that kills you.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
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