Muslims not welcome in Australia

(Tony: most likely it is a hoax, but a good one though)

Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told on Wednesday to get out of Australia , as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks..


Separately, Rudd angered some Australian Muslims on Wednesday by saying he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques. Quote:

'IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT. Take It Or Leave It. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali , we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians. '

'This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom'

'We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society . Learn the language!'

'Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.'

'We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why. All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.'

'This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, 'THE RIGHT TO LEAVE'..'


'If you aren't happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted.'


Maybe if we circulate this amongst ourselves, WE will find the courage to start speaking and voicing the same truths.

哈哈 笑死了

  *一女子下夜班，一男子尾隨圖謀不軌，女子慎怕，路過墳地，靈機一動，對墳墓
說：爸爸，我回來了，開門啊。*
*
男子大懼，哇哇大叫奔逃。*
*
女子心安，正要離開，忽然從墳墓中傳來陰森森的聲音：閨女，你又忘了帶鑰匙啊。*
*
女子驚駭，也哇哇奔逃。*
*
這時從墳墓裡鑽出個盜墓的說：靠，耽誤我工作，嚇死你們！ *
*
盜墓的話音剛落，發現旁邊有個老頭正拿著鑿子刻墓碑，好奇，問之，老頭憤怒地說，
NND，他們把我的名字刻錯了……*
*
盜墓的大懼，哇哇叫著奔逃。*
*
老頭冷笑一聲：“靠，敢和我搶生意，還嫩點兒……”*
*
正說著，一不小心鑿子掉在地上，老頭正要拾，一彎腰，發現鑿子握在草叢裡的一只手
裡，老頭正在吃驚，突然一個聲音說：“你找死呀！亂改我家的門牌號！！”。*
*
老頭屁滾尿流，滾下山坡！*
*
這時一拾荒者從草叢爬出，“他娘的，搞一塊鐵也得費這麼大的神" 拾荒者剛想走,*
*
忽然一個嬌媚的女聲傳來"死鬼,你還在幹這營生啊?今天怎麼舍得來看老娘來了?"*
*
拾荒者冷汗直流,慌不擇路地逃了.*
*
這時一男一女站了起來,男的邊穿褲子邊說:小樣,敢打擾我的好事!*
*
女的怒吼:下次不開房不跟你出來了,每次都是這個鬼地方!**
*
  總會在某些時刻，突然想起舊情人？他 現在過得還好嗎？-
*馬上搜尋*<http://tw.rd.yahoo.com/referurl/mail/search/tag_0702/*http://sev.
search.yahoo.net>
*！*

有趣的廣東俗語

一些很有趣的廣東俗語, 很多經己被遺忘了或被目前的新潮流」潮話」所取代, 與你等雅俗共賞。

陳年生草藥 發爛渣

肥佬著笠衫 幾大就幾大

灶君上天 有嗰句講嗰句

火燒豬頭 熟口熟面

黃皮樹了哥 唔熟唔食

紙紮下巴 口輕輕

壽星公吊頸 嫌命長

隔夜油雄鬼 冇釐火氣

火燒旗杆 長炭

冇耳藤喼 靠托

周身刀 冇張利

斷柄鋤頭 冇揸拿

隔年通勝 唔值錢

十月蔗頭 甜到尾

火麒麟 週身癮

幡桿燈籠 照遠唔照近

潮州二胡 自己顧自己

生蟲枴杖 靠唔住

單眼佬?老婆 一眼睇曬

雷公劈豆腐 揾軟嘅嚟蝦

秀才手巾 包書

貓兒洗面 係咁意

魚生粥 啱啱熟

雞食放光蟲 心知肚明

蕃薯跌落灶 該煨

成吉思汗打仔 大汗疊細汗

阿崩叫狗 越叫越走

細路哥剃頭 快嘞快嘞

床下底破柴 包撞板

濕水棉花 冇得彈

鼎湖上素 好齋

深海龍躉 好瘀

蒸生瓜 神神地

老公潑扇 淒諒

老婆擔遮 陰公

年晚煎堆 人有我有

倒掛臘鴨 油嘴滑舌

鬼佬月餅 悶極

阿茂整餅 冇嗰樣整嗰樣

鼓油撈飯 整色整水

賣鯇魚尾 包搭嘴

老鼠跌落天秤 自稱自

灶君跌落鑊 精神

跪地餵豬乸 睇銭份上

撒路溪銭 吸引死人

閰羅王開賭檔 揾鬼買

十月芥萊 起曬心

山草藥 up得就up

灶頭抹布 又鹹又濕

賣魚佬洗身 冇曬聲氣

鹹蛋滾湯 心都實曬

海軍對水兵 水鬥水

阿蘭嫁阿瑞 累鬥累

孔子搬屋 全部書

醉酒佬數街燈 唔知幾盞



新一代嘅年青人未必知道廣東俗語的趣味, 亦經己被潮話取替, 至於上述的俗語出自何處, ?解? 我就不得而知, 但係諗下又真係醉酒佬數街燈, 唔知幾盞!
--

用食物形容人

美國人愛形容法國浪子為「那條法國麵包」，在英語的世界裡，女人是「密桃」，情人是「密糖」，「牛奶」、「葡萄」或者「巧克力」，食物用來比擬人，總是美好的，但中國人的世界卻不一樣，和食物有關的，都不是好東西。

妓女是「雞」，男妓是「鴨」。

老女人是「老藕」，男人愛上年紀比自己大的女人就是「煲老藕」。

沒反應的人叫「死魚」，雙眼無神睛叫「死魚眼」。
蠢人是「一舊飯」，容易受騙的人是「水魚」。
倚靠妓女維生的叫「龜婆」或「龜公」。
死屍叫「鹹魚」。

臉 孔胖的叫「發水麵包」，眼睛小的叫「豆豉眼」，瘦人叫「排骨」，胖人叫「豬」，又矮又胖的叫「大冬瓜」或「大番薯」，大腿粗壯的叫「金華火腿」，穿得臃腫 的就是「裹蒸稷」，女人的乳房太小就叫「荷包蛋」或「生煎包」，手指又肥又短的叫「皇帝蕉」，小腿太胖就說是「蘿蔔腿」，哨牙就叫「西瓜刨」。

你看我們把自己和食物醜化到甚麼樣子？
食物該是美好的，應該用來比擬愛情，比擬美麗的身段，比擬情人身上的特點。
為什麼西方人可以，而中國人不可以？會不會是我們的食物不夠優雅？是的，你總不能形容一個中國男人說「那條中國臘腸」，好難聽，還是「法國麵包」含蓄得多。

When Opportunity knocks....

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money.

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, 'Did you see me rob this
bank?'
The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did.' The robber then shot him in the head, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, 'Did you see me rob this bank?' The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!'

在中國餐廳點餸...

(一) 某次去飯館吃飯，菜譜上有道菜叫 “青龍過海”? 覺得新鮮，于是點了一道 結果盤子端上來一看 一碗清湯，上面漂著一棵蔥... 我在公司樓下的飯店點過一道菜 :“母子相會” 上來一看，居然是黃豆炒黃豆芽。 (二) 我點過一個“走在鄉間的小路上" 是紅燒豬腳，然后邊上鑲點香菜 (三) 有一次和同學去巴山吃飯，然后發現有一個涼菜叫做“一國兩制” 然后就隨口問服務員這是what 結果服務員說 :“就是煮花生米和炸花生米” (四) 我吃過一道菜叫做“火山下大雪” 就是涼拌西紅柿(台灣叫做蕃茄)上面灑上白糖 (五) 還吃過一道菜,叫"青龍臥雪 就是一盤白糖上面放根黃瓜. (六) 某日在宴賓樓吃飯點了道“悄悄話” 端上來一看 原來是豬舌頭和豬耳朵 (七) 我點過一道菜叫“絕代雙驕” 就是────青辣椒+紅辣椒 (八) 有一個叫“心痛的感覺” 其實就是一杯白開水（50元） (九) 有位朋友去泰山玩，在一家小面館點了一份“牛拉麵" 后來發現一片牛肉也沒有。 于是叫來店主論理，得到的答案是： 做麵條的師傅姓牛！ 朋友當場幾乎暈倒， 問：你們就不考慮長久生意嗎？ 店主答曰：一般的客人一生也就來一次泰山， 能到我這兒吃一碗麵, 我已經很幸運了！

Funny sign language

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

**************************

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************

On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
**************************

At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit, please back in. "
**************************

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************

On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
**************************

On a Church's Bill board:
"7 days without God makes one weak."
**************************

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
"Invite us to your next blowout."

**************************

At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**************************

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
******** ******************

In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
**************************

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************

At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
**************************

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
**************************

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
**************************

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************

At the Electric Company
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
**************************

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."
**************************

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
**************************

At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."
**************************

And don't forget the sign at a
CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:

"Best place in town to take a leak"

**********************

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"

***************