Saturday, August 29, 2009

A old CEO and a young lady

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year.
I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.

4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty

Awesome reply:

Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but

my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.

This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me...

J.P. Morgan CEO

Wal-mart doctor

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars - A lot cheaper than a doctor."
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Miss Unversal question - PG17

Question: Ms America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
問:美 國小姐,請形容貴國男性的性器官。
Ms America: Well, I can say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms America: Because it stands every time it sees a woman.......
(Applause! Applause!) (鼓掌、鼓掌 )

Question: Ms Spain, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
問:西 班牙小姐,請形容貴國男性的性器官。
Ms Spain: Male organs in our country are like our very own Bullfight
or Toro( Bull)
西 班牙小姐:西班牙的男性器官像鬥牛。
Question: How can you say so?
Ms Spain: Because it charges every time it sees an opening.
西 班牙小姐:因為只要看到有洞就會出擊。
(Applause! Applause !) (鼓掌、鼓掌 )

Question: Ms Philippines, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Philippines: Well, I can say that male organs in our country are
like gossip or rumors.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms Philippines: Because it passes from mouth to mouth.
(Applause!Applause! Standing Ovation! Applause! Applause!)
(鼓掌、鼓掌,起立喝采,鼓掌、鼓掌 )

Question: Ms Iran, how do you describe a male organ in your Country?
問: 伊朗小姐,請形容貴國男性的性器官。
Ms Iran: Well, I can say that male organs in Iran are like thieves.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms I ran: Because they like to enter through the back door.
(Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause! Applause!)
鼓掌、鼓掌,大笑、大笑,鼓掌、鼓掌 )

Question: Ms India, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
問: 印度小姐,請形容貴國男性的性器官。
Ms India: Well, I can say the male organs in India are like laborers.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms India: Because it works day and night......
印度小姐:因為日夜勞 ""
(Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause!
鼓掌、鼓掌、鼓掌、鼓掌、鼓掌、鼓掌 )

Question: Ms Malaysia, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Malaysia: Well, I can say that Male Organs in Malaysia are like Proton car.
馬來西亞小姐:馬來西亞的男性器官像 Proton 牌轎車( 馬來西亞國產車 )
Question: How can you say so?
Ms Malaysia: Look tough but actually very soft.
馬來西亞小姐:看起來很硬 (造型類似 HONDA) 其實很軟(一撞就 變形)
(Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause! Applause!)
鼓掌、鼓掌,大笑、大笑,鼓掌、鼓掌 )

Qu estion: Ms Singapore, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Singapore: Well, I can say that male organ In Singapore is very
Kiasu (Afraid to lose)
Question: How can you say so?
Ms Singapore: It always wants to rush in quick and leave 15 minutes
before the show is over.
新加坡小姐:總是衝進場,提前 15分鐘出場。
(Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause!)
鼓掌、鼓掌、=E 9掌、鼓掌、鼓掌、鼓掌 )

Question: Ms China, how do you describe a male organ in your country?

問:中 國小姐,請形容貴國男性的性器官。
Ms China: Well, I can say that Male Organs in China are like Deng Siu Ping.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms China: Short and hard working, but can work until 90.
(Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause! Applause!)
鼓掌、鼓掌,A 7笑、大笑,鼓掌、鼓掌 )

Question: Ms Taiwan, how do you describe a male organ in your country?


Ms Taiwan: Well, I can say that Male Organs in Taiwan are like Chen Shui-Pian.

Question: How can you say so?
Ms Taiwan: Can't work at all, but still brag and quibble rascally.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Who is God?

An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on the Problem Science has with GOD, the ALMIGHTY. He asked one of his New Christian Students to stand and . . .

Professor :
You are a Christian, aren't you, son ?
Student :
Yes, sir.
Professor :
So, you Believe in GOD ?
Student :
Absolutely, sir.
Professor :
Is GOD Good ?
Student :
Professor :
Student :
Professor :
My Brother died of Cancer even though he Prayed to GOD to Heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill.
But GOD didn't. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?
(Student was silent )

Professor :
You can't answer, can you ? Let's start again, Young Fella.
Is GOD Good?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Is Satan good ?
Student : No.
Professor : Where does Satan come from ?
Student : From . . . GOD . .. .
Professor : That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this World?
Student : Yes.
Professor :
Evil is everywhere, isn't it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor : So who created evil ?
(Student did not answer)

Professor :
Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the World, don't they?
Student : Yes, sir.

Professor : So, who Created them ?
(Student had no answer)

Professor :
Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and Observe the World around you..
Tell me, son . . . Have you ever Seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor : Tell us if you have ever Heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir.
Professor : Have you ever Felt your GOD, Tasted your GOD, Smelt your GOD?
Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of
GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Professor : Yet you still Believe in HIM?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student :
Nothing.. I only have my Faith.

Professor :
Yes,Faith. And that is the Problem Science has.

Student :
Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?

Professor : Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as Cold?
Professor : Yes.
Student : No, sir. There isn't.
(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events )

Student :
Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, Superheat, Mega Heat, White Heat, a Little Heat or No Heat. But we don't have anything called Cold.

We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is No Heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as Cold.
Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat. We cannot Measure Cold.
Heat is Energy. Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.

(There was Pin-Drop Silence in the Lecture Theatre )

Student :
What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as Darkness?
Professor : Yes. What is Night if there isn't Darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir.
Darkness is the Absence of Something

You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light . . .
But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and its called Darkness, isn't it? In reality, Darkness isn't.
If it is, were you would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn't you?
Professor : So what is the point you are making, Young Man ?
Student : Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
Professor : Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality.
You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD and a Bad GOD.
You are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure.
Sir, Science can't even explain a Thought.
It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing.
Death is Not the Opposite of Life: just the Absence of it.
Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved from a Monkey?
Professor : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shook his head with a Smile, beginning to realize where the Argument was going )

Student :
Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and
Cannot even prove that this Process is an On-Going Endeavor,
Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir?
Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?

(The Class was in Uproar )

Student :
Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the Professor's Brain?
(The Class broke out into Laughter )

Student :
Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's Brain, Felt it, touched or Smelt it? . . .
No one appears to have done so.
So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol,
Science says that You have No Brain, sir..
With all due respect, sir, how do we then Trust your Lectures, sir?

(The Room was Silent.. The Professor stared at the Student, his face unfathomable)

Professor :
I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son.
Student : That is it sir . . . Exactly !
The Link between Man & GOD is FAITH.
That is all that Keeps Things Alive and Moving.


That student was Albert Einstein

Concentrate on this sentence

'When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence.... .
'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'

Poitcally correct to women

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK'- She is a 'BREASTED AMERICAN.'

2. She is not a 'SCREAMER' or a 'MOANER'- She is 'VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.'

3. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'



6. She is not an 'AIRHEAD' - She is 'REALITYIMPAIRED.'

7. She does not get 'DRUNK' or 'TIPSY'- She gets 'CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.'

8. She does not have 'BREAST IMPLANTS' - She is 'MEDICALLY ENHANCED.'

9. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

10. She is not a 'TRAMP' - She is 'SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.'

11. She does not have 'MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS' - She is 'PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.'

12. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a 'LOW COST PROVIDER.'

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Gohn's family tree

His dizzy aunt ----------------------------------------------- Verti Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store ------ Stop N Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia ------------------------- U Gogh
His magician uncle -------------------------------- Where-diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin ---------------------------------------- A Mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother -----------Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach --------------- Wells-far Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt -------------------------------- Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle -------------------------------------- Flamin Gogh
The fruit-loving cousin -------------------------------------- Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking ------------------ Way-to-Gogh
The little bouncy nephew ----------------------------------- Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco -------------------------------------- Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in an RV --- Winnie Bay Gogh

there ya Gogh!

Time to Gogh..............

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Effective health care delivery

-- Effective health care delivery --

* Basic treatments for all. Better coverage is paid by individual. We encourage folks to work hard and there is no more free lunch. The government can spend an agreed % of GNP on public health care.

* Prevention: voluntary and non-voluntary (via taxes) on smoking, fast food...

* Limit lawsuit award on malpractice.

* State-of-the-art treatments are less effective than prevention such as a low-dosage aspirin for all over 50 years of age.

* Outsourcing expensive treatments to foreign countries and drug development/clinical tests.

* Cut down expensive drug marketing (like giving money/goodies to doctors).

* Stop illegals and foreigners from using our medical systems free.

Import foreign doctors and nurses is the worst we can do to a poor country.

Before we send soldiers abroad or explore space, should we solve our home problems such as health care first?

Tuesday, August 25, 2009














Monday, August 24, 2009

Hand shakes with westerners

I have been staying out in Indiana’s Bloomington for a few days. I
just became a grandpa to a really cute little boy from my daughter.

It is clear that this area is different from New York City. Indiana
is very white. Between Indianapolis and Bloomington, there is a
Martinsville which is a Klu Klux Klan stronghold.

The people are not as sophisticated as those from the East or West
coast. Their accent is obscure. In fact the Mid Western people are
quite obscure to the Chinese, and vice versa Since my kids are there
and we have been visiting them for many years, some of my experiences
were not so pleasant.

Some guy refused to serve my car and I rounded
up driving with only three cylinders running. One time the waiters at
the Denny’s Diner refused to serve us without us showing them our

And one time, my wife was searched at the airport and the
TSA said, “We have to be careful because of people like you.”, etc.
That time I raised hell at the airport and scared the hell out of my
wife. The TSA could have just done their job (searching my wife)
without making these remarks. Why they had to say something like
that? But each time, someone (who’s also white), calmed me down and I
rounded up shaking hands with the idiots. Who has the time to tangle
with these nonsenses? I don’t.

I began to learn about these people. Today I walked by a fire trucks
with four firemen asking for donations. I looked at the sign and it
was for Muscular Dystrophy. They looked at me and didn’t know what to
say to a gray hair Chinaman. Not sure if I understand English. They
just smiled and said, “Howdy!”. I said to them, “So this is for
muscular dystrophy? A good cause!” and I pronounced the medical term
perfectly. Then I dropped $5 in the can. It was early in the
morning, they have just started the day and here I was. It must be my
American accent and low key mannerism made them delighted. They

One guy said, “That’s right, you got it perfectly right. You
know your stuff buddy! Thank you buddy!”. Then I started talking to
them about Jerry Lewis’ kids (The late comedian used to have this
annual drive) and then the Indiana Colts. After all, I am a football
fan. I even helped them soliciting donations as more people passed
by. Later, I was rewarded a large pop (or soda) and a lot of

Prejudice and ignorance go hand in hand. I began to understand their
mentality. They stare at you because they don’t see that many of you
around. But if you talk and manner their way, they will love you.
The truth is, these are very polite, kind and easy going people. They
always greet you with a smile and say “hello”, “how are you” and
“thank you”. And they are always ready to assist you if you ask. So
many are very generous to my children especially in the school. And
once they get to know you, there is no more barrier. So I think it
all comes down to knowing each other. Knowing people is always the
key to any relationship. It is only human to stare. It is also only
human to shake hands, even with Mid Westerners.

Just a day’s experience of my life.

Being a Chinaman

Hi Ding Bai,

Wow! Just one day, you learn a lot about the rest of US outside your NYC village. Welcome to America finally!

(Please see the refreshing post by Ding Bai above)

Prejudice and ignorance come hand-in-hand and your experience is a living proof of that. I do not blame the old generation in an isolated part of US as their image of a Chinaman is some one with a pigtail working in railroad, laundry or a Chinese restaurant that serves cat meat.

Denny’s had a poor reputation in racial harmony. They suffered from a lawsuit of not serving black and lost. They never learn. I skip going to Denny’s for life even for their free breakfasts!

A Chinese professor at U. Mass. at Amhert wrote in the college newspaper 35 years ago, “If you do not believe a Chinese can teach in college, please come to room 1234 in Engineering Building.”

I have my share of discrimination experience:

* When I was in beautiful Calgary 25 years ago with my American female co-worker in the annual Stampede Festival, every one starred at us like we’re UFOs.

* After I got the highest award in my department, some managers treated me very rudely and had a lot racial remarks on me behind my back – and the remarks came back to me (intentionally?). My work place was a phone company in Mass. with a lot of uneducated Irish playing politics all day long.

* I never play my Chinese card except once. When I got a bad table (even I was the first one in) in a Vegas show. It could due to no tips to the guy leading me to a table but it could be racially motivated. They’re scared to hell when I shouted for seeing their supervisor and they gave me the best table. I could have too many drinks and that scared my wife. From then no, no more Mr. Nice guys to racists.


主旨: 全球唯一絕對不能惹的國家

> 日期: 2009年8月24日,一,下午2:16
> 賓拉登說:中國是全球唯一絕對不能惹的國家!
> 阿拉伯半島電視臺對賓拉登的最新採訪。
> 賓.拉登說:中國是全球唯一絕對不能惹的國家!
> 原因是這樣的:基地組織曾派出八名恐怖分子襲擊中國。
> 結果:
> 一人在炸北京西直門立體交通橋時轉暈在橋上;
> 一人在上海坐公車自殺炸彈時擠了兩小時沒擠上車;
> 一人在武漢炸超市時,炸彈遙控器被偷;
> 一人在炸成都政府大樓時,被保安狂揍:"叫你討薪,叫你上訪",
> 一人成功地河北炸礦,死傷數百人,潛回基地後,半年沒見任何新聞報導,遂被基
> 地組織以"撒謊罪"處決了;
> 一人曾經嘗試炸廣州,結果剛一出火車站,炸藥包就給飛車黨搶了,半天沒恍過神;
> ;
> 一人剛到中國就失聯後來在上海醫院找到EF人還在昏迷醫生說他喝到假酒,但讓他
> 昏迷到現在的是黑心食品;
> 最近,派一女恐怖分子去炸河南,結果被騙到海南島賣淫!!
> 記得!!中國是全球唯一絕對不能惹的國家!

The less we have, the more stupid we are

The more stupid we're, the more happier we're!

> Our communication

> - Wireless


> Our phones

> - Cordless


> Our cooking

> - Fireless


> Our food

> - Fatless


> Our Sweets

> - Sugarless


> Our labor

> - Effortless


> Our relations

> - Fruitless


> Our attitude

> - Careless


> Our feelings

> - Heartless


> Our politics

> - Shameless


> Our education

> - Worthless


> Our Mistakes

> - Countless


> Our arguments

> - Baseless


> Our youth

> - Jobless


> Our Ladies

> - Topless(OK with me)


> Our Boss

> - Brainless


> Our Jobs

> - Thankless


> Our Needs

> - Endless


> Our situation

> - Hopeless


> Our Salaries

> - Less and less


Beautiful Chinese army

Click here to see the better work of God.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

The Perfect Machine - PG17

A notable gynecologist once said:
"The best engine in the world is the Vagina.
It can be started with one finger.
It is self lubricating.
It takes any size piston.
And it changes its own oil every four weeks.
It is only a pity that the management system is so temperamental..!"

Tony adds:

The worst machine is the Dick (many famous Dicks like Cheney...).
It has to be started with 5 fingers.
It is not self lubricating.
If it does not fit, there is no benefit.
It only works for 2 minutes and takes a break for 6 days.
It is very easy to be damaged and there is no part for repair.
It costs the owner to operate, just opposite than Vagina.
If not properly used, it will cause lawsuit and even kill the owner.
The list is endless.


Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada ,
self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet . Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.... An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran , ruled by nuts.


Tony adds:
Between 0 and 18, a woman is like China, being developed, confident, naive, like to please, looking-forward to the future and hard working.

Between 16 and 18, a woman is like Angola, body being fully developed but in an under-developed environment.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

A little known fact

The first testicular guard "Cup" was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.

It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.





Tuesday, August 18, 2009


就算是 Friend 最後還是會有個 end
就算是 Lover 最後還是會 over
就算是 forget =E 4要先get才行
前程四緊就是: 手頭緊 眉頭緊 衣服緊 時間緊
幸福 離我們很近 但我們都忘了靠近

Ordering pizza

This is hilarious, but the scary part about it is that it's probably not too far away from reality.

Want to know how to order a pizza in 2012?

Click the link and see. . turn up the volume. .. listen closely. . watch the pointer carefully!

Monday, August 17, 2009

Video Blog on China

It is a wonderful blog I would like to share.

Video blog on China

Here is a video of Made In China that would touch your heart from the blog.

Thursday, August 13, 2009


首富的牆紙來自 荒木茂著


其時首富事業更是如日方中, 晚晚要宴客應酬,