- Please stroll down the page to go the following websites to see 具有珍貴歷史價值的近 代記錄.
- THE 2ND WORLD WAR Website:
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Why do we have to remember what happened? Because mankind repeats its mistakes. To remember the past is not to delude. It actually enlightens. That’s the reason for me to keep telling "stories". Stories that you might have already heard.
The martyr’s name is Cai Gong Shi (蔡公時). Ji Nan (濟南) is a city in the Shan Dong (山東) Province. Here is a brief background of Cai before he was murdered by the Japanese. He was born in 1881 in Jiu Jiang (九江) of Jiang Xi (江西). When he was 18, he had risked everything to organize a progressive group called the "Beware of Stains” (慎所染齋). Later, it was banned by the Manchu government. He then traveled to Japan and attended school. After he heard Dr. Sun Yat-sen's speech, he was so moved that he joined Sun’s United Democrats Society (同盟會). He and Sun’s comrade Huang Xing (黄興) returned to China and worked secretly in Jiangxi to overthrow the Manchu. After Sun’s Revolution in 1911, he joined the Kuomintang’s campaign against Yuan Shi Kai (袁世凱). The first campaign was a loss and he had to flee to Japan again. He studied in Tokyo’s Imperial University. Yuan Shi Kai seized all his property in China and his first wife died in grief and fear.
Because Cai was proficient in Japanese and had excellent diplomatic skills, the Kuomintang (KMT) government in Nan Jing appointed him as a member of the Commission and Director of Foreign Affairs in April 1928. His primary responsibility was to be in charge of the Office of Negotiation and to deal with the foreign powers in Shan Dong (山東).
On April 9 1928, Chiang Kai-Shek（蔣介石）sent his Northern Expeditionary Army (北伐軍) into Shan Dong with the purpose of defeating the warlords there. The Japanese, who had a sphere of influence in the area, never wanted China to be free from these menacing warlords. They decided to sabotage Chiang’s army’s mission. Using the excuse of protecting its nationals in the area, Japan sent troops into China. Cai happened to be representing the KMT government in Shan Dong at that time. On May 1, 1928 the fourth Northern Expeditionary Army Corps arrived in Ji Nan and the Japanese army in the city built fortifications, roadblocks and mined the streets. It also formed the so call "Japan's Volunteer Group" and claimed to be protecting the lives and properties of its nationals. In the morning on May 1, 1928, Ruan Ji Min (阮濟民) of the first Northern Expeditionary Army entered the city of Ji Nan. When four of his soldiers were looking for apartment in the city, the Japanese kidnapped them. The Japanese killed them and cremated their bodies. At the time, China and Japan was not at war but the Japanese was ambushing and killing the Chinese soldiers. In view of the seriousness of the provocation and still tried to avoid an arm conflict with Japan, commander Fang Zhen Wu (方振武) went to the Japanese Consulate to protest. The Japanese promised to temporarily remove all the roadblocks and halt the terror. But it actually sent in more troops and even raided the Office of Negotiation in Ji Nan. The officials who worked there barely escaped alive.
Diplomat Cai arrived in Ji Nan immediately to talk with the Japanese. But on May 2, Kazuhiko Fukuda, head of the Japanese Sixth Division, ordered his troop to massacre Chinese civilians in Ji Nan. On May 3, Cai and 18 members of his office arrived at the Office of Negotiation in Ji Nan City. His staff replaced the portrait of SunYat Sen and hoisted the Chinese “Blue Sky and White Sun” national flag, which had been removed and destroyed by the Japanese. He was awaiting the Japanese to come to talk. Suddenly, gunfire broke out all over the city. Japanese soldiers had blocked off the streets leading to and from Cai’s office.
At 10 am on the fateful day of May 3rd, Cai phoned the Japanese Consulate and protested. The Japanese first denied they were aware of such. Then at 4 pm on the same day, the Japanese troops stormed the diplomat’s office and disarmed everyone inside. At 9:00 pm that evening, Japanese soldiers started to loot and destroy everything. They tore up all the documents, maps, the Chinese "Blue Sky White Sun" national flag and the portrait of Sun Yat Sen. An angry Cai fiercely protested, "We are inside the Chinese government’s diplomatic office and we are all unarmed. Your action is illegal!” Because his Japanese was fluent, the Japanese understood him clearly and they became more furious. They knocked him on the floor and butted him with their rifles. They also tied up his18 staff. When Cai heard what Fukuda was telling his soldiers to do with these diplomats, he exclaimed to his staff, “The Japanese are going to strip us naked and kill us with their bayonets! We will die for our country!” The other Japanese soldiers started to stab the other diplomats with their bayonets and swords. A Japanese soldier ran up to Cai and tied him up. They cut his ears and his nose off and took his eyes out. Without his eyes, ears and nose, a bloody, gruesome and pained Cai was still yelling at the Japanese, “The Japanese are killing unarmed diplomats. This is a national humiliation! An international crime! They are worse than beasts!” A Japanese officer named Watanabe approached Cai and inserted his sword into Cai’s mouth. He then turned his sword several times inside Cai’s mouth, cutting out his tongue. Waving his bloody sword, he told the soldiers to drag everybody out and kill them. They were all dragged outside, flogged and then shot to death.
Miraculously, there was one lucky diplomat who escaped this infamous "May 3rd Ji Nan Massacre". His name was Zhang Han Ru 張漢儒. He later recalled every moment of this horro. Besides Cai and the other diplomats, the Japanese had killed over six thousand Chinese in Ji Nan. On May 10, 1929, the Japanese army finally withdrew from Ji Nan. This Japanese atrocity was before the official war which officially started in 1937.
The Japanese burned Cai and the other diplomats’ bodies beyond recognition. Cai’s second wife was able to collect the ashes. But following years of battle resisting the Japanese and then the Communists, no one knew what happened to the ashes. At that time, overseas Chinese donated money to build a bronze statute of Cai. When war was raging on with the Communist, the KMT moved the statue to Singapore and placed it inside the Sun Yat Sen Memorial Villa. Cai’s son was only 6 and his daughter was one when he died. In the chaos, his daughter was adopted by his friend and remained in Mainland China. His wife took his son and went to Taiwan with the KMT. The daughter never knew her family’s history because Cai’s friend never told her, fearing the Communist’s persecution of KMT members. In 1992, she and her brother finally reunited in China. She changed her name to Jin Ming (今明) to signify that she has finally realized her true beginning. The bronze statue also returned to Ji Nan from Singapore in 2006.
Cai was the first anti-Japanese martyr of modern China. There were plenty more later on. For example: Ji Xing Wen (吉星文) who fired the first shot at the Japanese and led his commandos to raid them when the fighting erupted in Lu Kou Bridge (蘆溝橋) on July 7, 1937. Ironically, he was killed years later by the Communist People’s Liberation Army. And then there was the world known fierce defense of the Four Banks' Warehouse (四行倉庫) in Shanghai by the 800 (actually 400) soldiers against an entire Japanese army. It was led by martyr Xie Jin Yuan（謝晉元). Xie was a Cantonese lieutenant who died at the age of 30 something. The gallantry of these soldiers was depicted in a movie starring Lin Qing Xia (林青霞) who portrayed the true story of a girl scout who tried to smuggle a Blue Sky and White Sun flag to Xie’s soldier. Xie’s tomb is still in Shanghai. By the way, Xie's commanding superior at the time was General Sun Yuan Liang (孫元良), father of actor Qin Han (秦漢).
As one country and one people, the Mainland Chinese government should not hide any facts of the patriotic and gallant acts of the millions of KMT members and soldiers during the war against the Japanese. Again, history should neither be concealed, distorted completely nor partially.
五月三日 -- Bai Ding
Also see the post on Nanjing.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is .. .. . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Irene wrote on same topic in her e-mail. I include the following I commented in a blog for China.
I recommend every Chinese watch some movies about Nanjing. I hope some Japanese to watch them too, esp. the young generation - the old one will never change and they just bring their crime to the graves with them. The one I watched is about our respected Mr. Rabe, who had saved a lot of Chinese.
It turned humans into animals (Japanese), and humans into Saints (Mr. Rabe). I am still angry with those interviews with Japanese soldiers. They’re war criminals. One talked about nothing fun to rape a 12 (or 13) year old girl. One 12 (or 13) year old girl wanted to be raped to save herself and her grand pa.
The denial of Japan on this incident makes all human beings angry. Thanks to Iris Chang for writing the book on Nanjing and everyone making the documentary Nanjing (available from Netflix). How these soldiers feel if their 12 year old grand children were raped?
The toughest victims were the children of those victims whose parents were killed, raped and tortured. Do you blame these folks for not buying Japanese products for life? Why these war criminals still are bragging instead of running for their lives like the German war criminals is beyond me. Are Chinese too forgiving? I would forget and let by-gone be by-gone but cannot if the criminals do not admit their crimes.
The Japanese suffering from the 2 atomic bombs are TOTALLY JUSTIFIED. Most died in dignity. Without the two bombs, US would invade Japan and many innocent folks would die. Violence against violence is usually not my cup of tes, but it makes perfect sense here.
The citizens in Nanjing were raped, tortured and murdered. Babies were tossed to the sky and died. 250K died (350K official) in Nanjing alone. The Japanese should remove the war criminals from the “Shrine of war heroes” where the prime ministers regularly pay respect - (to war criminals???).
The Letters from Iwo Jima portrays the Japanese soldiers as kind human beings. Most are animals and you're portraying the minority. Is this the biggest movie from Hollywood to describe the human natures of Japanese soldiers? If so, Hollywood and the west do not understand the east. They are just ignorant as usual.
If there were a God, I do not think Japan is not as prosperous as today. Or, the God is not fair.
I’m not a violent guy and this movie just drives me to my limit with unbearable sorrow. We should not spread hatred. However, as one American (forget his name) said: if we do not learn from history, we would likely repeat history.
The following poem is written by Bai Ding. See separate post on his 『五三濟南慘案.
五月三日快到了，讓我告訴大家一個叫做『五三濟南慘案』 (see separate post) 的故事吧， 那時日寇還未正式侵華，但其兇暴之行，已經令人髮指。
God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines.
One line for the men who were the true heads of their households, and
the other line for the men who were dominated by their women.
I want all the women to report to St. Peter.
Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.
The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long,
and in the line of men who truly were heads of their households,
there was only one man.
God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves,
I created you to be the heads of your households!
You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose!
Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."
God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be
the only one in this line?"
The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
> qualifies them to relate to it...
> 1977 : Long hair
> 2007: Longing for hair
> 1977: KEG
> 2007: EKG
> 1977 : Acid rock
> 2007 : Acid reflux
> 1977 : Moving to California because it's cool
> 2007 : Moving to Arizona because it's warm
> 1977 : Trying to look like or Liz Taylor
> 2007: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
> 1977 : Seeds and stems
> 2007: Roughage
> 1977 : Hoping for a BMW
> 2007: Hoping for a BM
> 1977 : Going to a new, hip joint
> 2007: Receiving a new hip joint
> 1977 : Rolling Stones
> 2007: Kidney Stones
> 1977 : Screw the system
> 2007: Upgrade the system
> 1977 : Disco
> 2007: Costco
> 1977 : Parents begging you to get your hair cut
> 2007: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
> 1977 : Passing the drivers' test
> 2005: Passing the vision test
> 1977 : Whatever
> 2007: Depends
> Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this
> will certainly change things.
> Each year the staff at in Wisconsin
> puts together a list to try to give the faculty a
> sense of the mindset of this year's incoming
> freshmen. Here's this year's list:
> The people who are starting college this fall across
> the nation were born in 1987.
> They are too young to remember the space shuttle
> blowing up.
> Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
> Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
> The CD was introduced the year they were born.
> They have always had an answering! machine
> They have always had cable.
> They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
> Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
> Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
> They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
> They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
> They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
> They never heard:
> "Where's the Beef?",
> "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane."
> They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.
> McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
> They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
> Do you feel old yet?
> Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.
> Notice the larger type, that's for those of you who
> have trouble reading...
> So have a nice day!!!!!
> It is good to have friends who know about these
> things and are still alive and kicking!!!!
A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.
The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.
The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeckable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.
The two flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeckable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.
Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?
After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:
Apparently, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.
On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on. She went to her husband, a retired MARINE, and asked, "Honey, do you remember this?"
He looked up from his newspaper and said, "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married".
She said, "Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"
He nodded and said "Yes dear, I said; Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out."
She giggled and said; "That's exactly what you said. So now it's fifty years later, and I'm in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?"
He looked her up and down and said; "Mission Accomplished."
Friday, April 24, 2009
"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of every week, and eat only . On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don't exercise at all."
"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"
"Thirty-four," she replied.W
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?'
The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'
He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'
She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires.'
> arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated
> and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.
> She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier
> when I'm completely nude'.
> With that, she stripped from the neck down,
> rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled,
> 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'
> As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and
> squealed...' YES! YES! I WON, I WON! '
> She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her
> winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
> The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
> Finally, one of them asked,
> 'What did she roll?' the other answered,
> 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.
> MORAL OF THE STORY
> Not all Irish are drunks,
> not all blondes are dumb,
> but all men...are
Thursday, April 23, 2009
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, old retired golfer in his late 60's and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties.
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.
The Circus Owners jaw is on the floor.. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"
The tough old golfer replies, "No problem, just get that damn lion out of the way."
「健康新知」專欄主編，長期為《科學與未來》（Sciences et Avenir）月刊
文 / 王宥驊（本文作者為自然醫學博士）
很高興有記者蒂埃裡． 蘇卡 先生把血淋淋的真相寫出來，
大約 四公升 的黏膜就會從您的腎臟、脾臟、胰臟、還有其他的部位排出。
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
DIET -- IT REALLY WORKS !!
1.. You walk pasta da bakery.
2.. You walka pasta da candy store.
3.. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.
4.. You walka pasta da table and fridge.
You will lose weight!
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English..
3 The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
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Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Cry me a river.
47 Year old Susan Boyle wows the judges with her performance in the auditions for Britains Got Talent, singing I dreamed a dream from .
Here are the Lyrics:
I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted
But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hopes apart
And they turn your dreams to shame
果林老和尚將秘方傳予 徐上德 醫師。
健保局總經理 賴美淑 醫師每天吃十穀健康粥，
附記： 徐 醫師與振銘有數面之緣，目前在台南執業，在台南地區有相當的知名度。
Monday, April 20, 2009
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
One turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep! No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
Tony: it is our turn to be made fun at.
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________W ITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
I (editor note: thanks Steve for your honesty and willingness to share your experience, haha) once took a sex-education class in college and a funny thing happened one day.
The professor arrived and said we'd be discussing positions that day and asked us how many positions did we know. I sat there too embarrassed to speak but one gal a couple of seats over said, "Twelve."
The professor nodded approval but as he got ready to call on another student, there was a loud call from the far back row of the 150 seat auditorium, "A hundred and one."
The little professor looked over his thick glasses but couldn't make out who had spoken. Finally he called on a fellow down in the front row who replied, "Seven."
And once again from the very back was heard, "A hundred and one."
Finally he called on a very shy lady sitting next to me. At first she acted like she wasn't going to answer.
Finally she said, "Only one, sir."
And the professor said, "Well young lady that is unusual. And what position would that be?"
"With the man on top and woman on the bottom," she replied.
From the back of the room came that same voice, "A hundred and two!
> 蝦+ 維生素C = 砒霜------- 女孩一夜暴斃臺灣，
> 一名女孩突然無緣無故 的七孔流血暴斃，一夜之間，就奔赴黃泉, 經過初步驗屍. 斷
> 那砒霜從何而來？一名醫學院的教授被邀趕來協助破案。 教授仔細地察看了死者胃中
> 教授說：「砒霜是在死者腹內產生的。」死者生前每天也會服食「維他命C 」，這完
> (As2O5) ，轉變為有毒的三鉀砷(即亞砷酸酐)，又稱為三氧化二砷，其化學式為
> (As2O3) ，這就是們俗稱的砒霜!
1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They weren't working ... They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
2. How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
3. How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.
4. How many are there? Only three. The rest are true stories.
5. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford?
6. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.
7. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you (A)-go to lunch or (B)-read the newspaper?
8. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue.
9. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.
10. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.
11. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your honor.
12. What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.
13. What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality.
14. What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Don't know. (There are some things a pig just won't do.)
15. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
16. What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Removable wing tips.
17. Why does NY have the most lawyers in the country, while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice.
Do not STEAL.......... The government hates competition.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
Monday, April 13, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation'
Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as
well tell me now.
Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'
'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, Joey Pagano, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,
'What'd you get?'
‘4 months vacation and five good leads.’