More Chinese gold in Winter Olympics

Wang Meng on 500 short track.

Pair Skating 1-2

Click here for Pang and Tong.

Click here for Shen and Zhao.

Madrid parking

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香港新的三字經

香港三字經 (歇後語.有新作.也有舊調.是市井小民日常生活的經歷).


人之初　－　口多多 (童言無忌，口不擇言)
笑騎騎　－　放毒蛇 (笑裡藏刀)
馬照跑　－　舞照跳 (九七年之後，香港保留資本主義制度，五十年不變)
知少少　－　扮代表 (貪功認叻)
冇幾耐　－　扮大袋 (大袋是香港的粗俗、語，意謂大人物也；此句是沙塵囂張的意思)
牙斬斬　－　死得慘 (禍從口出)
眼眨眨　－　扮花旦 (雖無過犯，面目可憎之輩)
聲大大　－　冇貨賣 (言過其實)
眼大大　－　易學壞 (青春少艾，容易誤入歧途)
周身郁　－　扮忙碌 (郁者，動也；講多過做)
眼濕濕　－　扮憂鬱 (貓哭老鼠)
嘴藐藐　－　打得少 (口花花，撩是鬥非)
靜雞雞　－　認低威 (衰衰地慣鋪，向對方認錯)
有早知　－　冇乞兒 (世事難料)
晨早知　－　中三T (三T，香港最多獎金的賽馬彩池, 意思與上句相同)
擔櫈仔　－　霸頭位 (驚死執輸)
一張票　－　睇到笑 (香港三級色情電影戲院買一張票可以整天任看)
好好好　－　睇唔到 (敷衍了事)
撓埋手　－　晨早走 (練精學懶)
有得震　－ 冇得訓 (大禍臨頭。震，顫抖的意思)
搞搞震　－　冇幫襯 (搞事破壞份子)
側側膊　－　唔多覺 (得過且過，求求其其)
搏大霧　－　唔使做 (使讀作洗；混水摸魚)
有姿勢　－　冇實際 (虛有其表)
有交易　－　靠實力 (不靠傍門左道)
七八九　－　飲到嘔 (「七八九」是卡拉OK夜店的遊 戲)
硬骨頭　－　食地球 (「地球」指六、七十年代國產的地球牌香煙)
手頭緊　－　搵真銀 (勤力搵錢)
烏啄啄　－　任人將 (做人糊塗，容易被人騙)
淡淡定　－　有錢剩 (凡事處變不驚；剩，音「靜」)
失失慌　－　害街坊 (小不忍則亂大謀)
拿拿林　－ 上瓊林 (瓊林是香港一間著名夜總會)
口旱旱　－　食咳糖 (口水都無滴)
有得賭　－　精神好 (爛賭之輩)
三缺一　－　慘過乞 (麻雀術語)
時運高　－　搏番鋪 (把握時機)
煙 K J－　噤住呤 (話事啤術語，贏面甚高)
二仔底　－　冇得睇 (「沙蟹」術語，輸多贏少)
隨口嗡　－　當祕笈 (語不驚人誓不休)
招乜積　－　中圍骰 (高傲而好運)
贏粒糖　－　輸間廠 (十賭九輸)
贏把遮　－　輸架車 (前句另一個版本)
面懵懵　－　當老馮 (老馮，意謂奉旨)
女人心　－　海底針 (女人善變)
十八樓　－　自己友 (街坊街里，守望相助)
有竇口　－　早啲抖 (安得廣廈千萬間)
讀書少　－　俾人藐 (學識低者，會被人看不起)
頭岳岳 －　四圍度 (無聊發悶)
爛撻撻　－　唔負責 (無恥之徒)
冇晒計　－　發狼戾 (狼戾，近音Long禮；意思不按常理做事，全句是趕狗入窮巷的意思)
咖喱啡　－　扮阿姐 (泥「鯭」充石斑)
姿姿整　－　有環境 (露出馬腳)
咁人齊　－　等發圍 (同心協力)
趁佢病　－　囉佢命 (趕盡殺絕)
出嚟威 －　識搶咪 (要懂得爭取機會)
唔想衰　－　埋大堆 (圍結就是力量)
有異性　－　無人性 (失去理性)

中國第一位外籍相聲

Christmas Carols for the Psychologically Challenged

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens Disoriented Are

3. Amnesia --- I Don't Know if I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and ...

6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8 . Full Personality Disorder-- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why

9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ..

10. Agoraphobia --- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House

11. Senile Dementia --- Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe

12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder --- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

13. Social Anxiety Disorder --- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate.

Flight Hudson

致北京市交警的一封信（超搞笑）

這是今年十一國慶之後在網上看到最令人打從心底笑出來的一張帖子.....




致交警的一封信：

交警同志，向你反映一個情況，二○○九年十月一日上午十時許，一輛牌號為「京 V02009」的紅旗牌小轎車，從天安門中華門開出，壓雙實線，違規掉頭，沿長安街逆向行駛，車內人員還將半身探出車外，並在公共場合大聲喧嘩，希望嚴肅處理。

這是上集，馬上就有網民貼出下集.....

您好，同志：

經我局同志調查核實，對方人太多，飛機大炮坦克都帶來了，手下有全球最大的社團，本局內部也大部分都是該社團人員，實在招惹不起，敬請忍氣吞聲。

創意無限，又有網民貼出下集的另一版本.......

交管局答覆：「已處理，該同志已在天安門城樓罰站兩小時。」

關於榮辱觀的小故事十二生肖 ......

有一次，我有機會和歐洲貴族聚餐。
可能酒喝多了，一位德國貴族站了起來，
諷刺說 ：" 你們中國人都是屬什麼豬啊！狗啊！老鼠啊！
不像我們，都是金牛座、獅子座、仙女座
……真不知道你們祖先怎麼想的？"
當時這些貴族聽完哈哈大笑，還互相碰杯，先前的優雅完全不見了。

按理說，人家在罵你祖宗了，你即使沒有話說，起碼可以掀桌子啊！
但所有人都坐著不吭聲， 也可能是還沒反應過來，
我當時只好平和地告訴在場所有外賓：
"中國人的祖先是很實在的，我們十二生肖 兩兩相對，六道輪迴，
體現了我們祖先對中國人全部的期望跟要求。

" 這時 ，現場氣氛雖然從嬉鬧轉為安靜
，但是他們臉上還是一副不屑的樣子。

我說 ：

" 第一組是老鼠和牛。老鼠代表智慧，牛代表勤奮。
智慧和勤奮一定要緊緊結合在一起。
如果光有智慧不勤奮，那就變成小聰明；而光是勤奮，不動腦筋，那就變成愚蠢。
所以這兩者一定要結合，這是我們祖先對中國人的第一組期望和要求，也是最重要的一組。

""第二組是老虎和兔子。老虎代表勇猛，兔子代表謹慎。
勇猛和謹慎一定要緊緊結合在一起，才能做到所謂的膽大心細。
如果勇猛離開了謹慎，就變成了魯莽，
而你沒有勇猛，一味的謹慎，謹慎就變成膽怯。
這一組也非常重要，所以放在第二。"

我看著這些貴族，補上一句：
"所以當我們表現出謹慎的時候，千萬不要以為我們中國人沒有勇猛的一面。" " 實際上，我們祖先追求的是一種和諧的智慧和圓融， 從來不會單獨給一個要求和任務。" 看著大家陷入沉思，我繼續往下說 。

"第 3 組是龍和蛇。龍代表剛猛，蛇代表柔韌。
所謂剛者易折，太剛了容易折斷，但是如果只有柔的一面，就易失去主見， 所以剛柔並濟是我們歷代的祖訓。"

接下來是馬和羊。馬代表勇往直前，直奔目標 ，羊代表和順 。如果一個人只顧自己直奔目標，不顧周圍，必然會和周圍不斷磕碰，最後不見得能達到目標。
但是一個人如果光顧著和周圍和順，之後他連方向都沒有了，目標也失去了。 所以一往無前的秉性一定要與和順緊緊結合在一起，這是我們祖先對中國人的第四組期望。

" 再接下來是猴子和雞。猴子代表靈活，至於雞呢，
以前的年代沒有鐘，都是聽雞鳴聲決定一天的開始，所以雞定時打鳴，代表穩定。 靈活和穩定一定要緊緊結合起來。
如果你光靈活，沒有穩定，再好的政策最後也得不到收穫。 但如果說你光是穩定，一潭死水、一塊鐵板，那就不會有我們今天的改革開放了。 只有它們之間非常圓融的結合，一方面具有穩定性，保持整體的和諧和秩序， 另一方面又能不斷變通地前進，這才是最根本的要旨。

" 最後是狗和豬 。狗是代表忠誠，豬是代表隨和。
一個人如果太忠誠，不懂得隨和，就會排斥他人。 而反過來 ，一個人太隨和，沒有忠誠，這個人就失去原則。
所以無論是對一個民族國家的忠誠、對團隊的忠誠，還是自己理想的忠誠， 一定要與隨和緊緊結合在一起，這樣才容易真正保持內心深處的忠誠。

這就是我們 中國 人一直堅持的外圓內方，君子和而不同。

"中國人每個 人都有屬於自己的生肖，有的人屬豬，有的人屬狗，這意義何在？ 實際上，我們的祖先期望我們要圓融，不能偏頗，要求我們懂得到對應面切入。 比如屬豬的人能夠在他的隨和本性中，也去追求忠誠； 而屬狗的人則在忠 誠的本性中，去做到隨和。"
解釋完十二生肖，我說：" 不知道你們那些寶瓶座啊、射手座啊、公羊座啊， 體現了你們祖先哪些期望和要求？也希望不吝賜教。 "

結果呢，
這些貴族老爺們很長時間都沒說話，全場鴉雀無聲，一根針掉在地上都能聽見。
最後貴族們紛紛由衷地表示對中國人和中國人的祖先非常敬佩：
" 沒有想到中國的十二生肖有這麼深刻而實在的意義。"

Ted

回家

A love story - must read!

> As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very
> first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like
> most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she
> loved them all the same. However, that was impossible,
> because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a
> little boy named Teddy Stoddard.
>
> Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed
> that he did not play well with the other children, that his
> clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In
> addition, Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point
> where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking
> his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and
> then putting a big 'F' at the top of his papers .
>
> At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required
> to review each child's past records and she put
> Teddy's off until last. However, when she
> reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.
>
> Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, 'Teddy is a
> bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and
> has good manners... he is a joy to be around..'
>
> His second grade teacher wrote, 'Teddy is an excellent
> student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled
> because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home
> must be a struggle.'
>
> His third grade teacher wrote, 'His mother's death
> has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his
> father doesn't show much interest, and his home life
> will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken.'
>
> Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, 'Teddy is
> withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He
> doesn't have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in
> class.'
>
> By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was
> ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students
> brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful
> ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's. His
> present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that
> he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open
> it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children
> started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with
> some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was
> one-quarter full of perfume.. But she stifled the
> children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the
> bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume
> on her wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day
> just long enough to say, 'Mrs. Thompson, today you
> smelled just like my Mom used to.'
>
> After the children left, she cried for at least an hour. On
> that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and
> arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs.
> Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked
> with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she
> encouraged him, the faster he
> responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of
> the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that
> she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one
> of her 'teacher's pets..'
>
> A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy,
> telling her that she was the best teacher he ever had in his
> whole life.
>
> Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy.
> He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his
> class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in
> life.
>
> Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that
> while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in
> school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from
> college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson
> that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had ever
> had in his whole life.
>
> Then four more years passed and yet another letter came..
> This time he explained that after he got his
> bachelor's degree, he decided to go a little further.
> The letter explained that she was still the best and
> favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little
> longer.... The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.
>
> The story does not end there. You see, there was yet
> another letter that spring. Teddy said he had met this girl
> and was going to be married.. He explained that his father
> had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs.
> Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that
> was usually reserved for the mother of the groom. Of course,
> Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet,
> the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made
> sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his
> mother wearing on their last Christmas together.
>
> They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs.
> Thompson's ear, 'Thank you Mrs. Thompson for
> believing in me. Thank you so much for
> making me feel important and showing me that I could make
> a difference.'
>
> Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back.. She
> said, 'Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one
> who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't
> know how to teach until I met you.'
>
> (For you that don't know, Teddy Stoddard is the Dr at
> Iowa Methodist in Des Moines that has the Stoddard Cancer
> Wing.)
>
> Warm someone's heart today. . . pass this along.. I
> love this story so very much, I cry every time I read it.
> Just try to make a difference in someone's life today?
> tomorrow? just 'do it'.
>
> Random acts of kindness, I think they call it!
>
> 'Believe in Angels, then return the favor

American Pie with China

打小人

~ 十一任老公離婚記 ~

一女子兩年內離婚十一次。

問其何故，搖頭苦答：

一任夫君中國石油的，鑽太深，受不了。

二任老公消防隊的，拔出來就噴，難受。

三任老公建設局的，脫了又穿，穿了又脫，瞎拆騰。

四任老公包魚塘的，一連兩次水乾了才搞，不痛才怪。

五任老公是公安局的，喜歡綁住幹活，不準我動，苦不堪言。


六任老公是個組織部的，光談話，會唬人，就是不搞實事。

七任老公是個搞古玩的，整天輕手輕腳捧著看，比真搞還難受。

八任老公是個外科醫生，不見血不停手。

九任老公是科技局的，整天吵著要創新。


十任老公是稅務局的，整天就知道睡、睡、睡。

最後一個老公是公務員，就知道走“後門”！