up and down sex

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish.
Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.
The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.
As they were riding down the river, there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady, 'Do you want to go up or down?'
All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat!
When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.
They fished for a while and continued on down the
river, when soon they came upon another fork in the
river. He again asked the lady , 'Up or down ?'
There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again.
This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.
She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, 'Up or down ?'
The woman replied, 'Down.'
A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady,'Up or down ?'
She replied, 'Up.'
This really confused the gentleman so he asked,
'What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!'
She replied, 'Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were fuck or drown!'

Marriage

When a man steals your wife, there's no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Lee Majors


After marriage, husband and wife become 2 sides of a coin; they just can't face each other but still they stay together.
Al Gore


By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates


Woman inspires us to great things and prevents us from achieving them.
Mike Tyson


The great question which I haven't been able to answer is, "What does a woman want?"
George Clooney


I had some words with my wife and she had some paragraphs with me.
Bill Clinton


Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant 2 times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
George W Bush


I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for 2 years.
Rudy Giuliani


There's a way of transferring funds that's even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
Michael Jordan


I've had bad luck with all my wives. The 1st one left me and the 2nd one didn’t. The 3rd gave me more children!
Donald Trump

2 secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1) Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2) Whenever you're right, shut up. Shaquille O’Neal

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Kobe Bryant

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
David Hasselhoff

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
Alec Baldwin

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Barack Obama

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Tommy Lee

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted". Next day he received 100 letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Brad Pitt

1st Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" 2nd Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Jimmy Kimmel

"Honey, what happened to 'ladies first'?" Husband replies, "That's the reason why the world's a mess today because a lady went first!"
David Letterman

1st there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, soon after comes suffering!
Jay Leno

Funny Chinese names

聽過一個李素寶...嫁左比個姓"簫"既...即係...

洪梅貴, 周新恆, 羅有大, 吳長大, 吳昭德, 吳美麗, 莫思科, 林花, 郭德雲, 麥生仁, 老來旺, 吳廣德, 畢可宜, 周蕙娟, 鍾樂海, 廖植彪, 劉比蒂, 史塔蓋柯蘭詩, 黃嘉嵐--->變綠 ?

"兩父子, 阿爸叫李杰, 個仔叫李仲杰"

"三兄妹: 游詠富, 游詠依, 游詠慈"... 游世伯, 咁大整古呀!"

上次去台灣某銀行兌換台幣...睇一睇櫃面個名牌... 個服務員叫"吳曉郁"...一行六人冇個忍到笑.... 仲有,有冇聽過人叫"陸浩昌, 伍浩昌"?
"陸浩昌先生, 請即到5號窗;伍浩昌先生,請即到6號窗!"

我以前個班主任叫"吳樹喜"

我識得一個老師叫"周有松"!

其實, 日文名都可以好好笑，
例如：吉川春代子，菊行條野，金其良美，鹿島條野，條野有次郎.....
牛津 = 牛頭角津貼小學
哈佛 = 哈爾濱佛教中學

其實聯婚都好好笑，例如：賴廖聯婚，賴史聯婚

史家有四兄弟, 分別係....史泰龍,史太杰,史太香,史勞仁

有個人姓周, 做了紳士

吳潔芬, 唔......新時代女性，一於同居算。

有次在商場，有個男人唔見左個仔，於是就搵Security Guard 幫手, 在商場廣播，話佢爸爸在門口等佢?
廣播內容係如下："徐家權小朋友，你爸爸徐定富在門口等你."

知唔知個「費」字做姓氏果陣讀「秘」音...
差人：差人查身分證.....叫咩名.....
路人：費密(秘密)
差人：差人做野呀.....咪玩la.....
費密：都話費! 密(? 絞K)咯.......
差人：仲玩？！阻差辦公呀.....拎身分證黎！
費密乖乖畀身分證差人.....
差人：哦.....原來係費密(廢物丫?).....
費密：唔係呢....係費密丫(秘密)....
差人：費密(廢物)就費密(廢物)la....秘乜鬼密丫.....!!!
神神秘秘咁.....
係就係核突Ｄ......
費密：.........-_-#!!!

A:你叫咩名呀?
B:鐘定英(中定英?)
A:中文啦
B:鐘定英呀~~~~
A:咁英文啦~~~~
B:Chong Ting Ying
A:................-_-#!!!

Merlot

> >
> > A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of
> > Merlot to an unusually
> > attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little
> > restaurant...
> >
> >
> >
> > So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said,
> > 'This is from the
> > gentleman who is seated over there,' and indicated the
> > sender with a nod of his
> > head.
> >
> >
> >
> > She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not
> > looking at the man,
> > then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter,
> > who was lingering
> > nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed
> > it to the gentleman
> >
> >
> >
> > The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you
> > need to have a Mercedes
> > in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and
> > '7' inches in your pants'.
> >
> >
> >
> > After reading the note, the man decided to compose
> > one of his own in
> > return.
> >
> >
> >
> > He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and
> > instructed him to deliver
> > it to the lady.
> >
> >
> >
> > It read: Just to let you know things aren't
> > always what they appear to
> > be: I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and
> > a Porsche Turbo in
> > my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and
> > Miami , and a
> > 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana . There is over
> > twenty million dollars in
> > my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as
> > beautiful as you,
> > would I cut off three inches....
> >
> > Just send the
> > wine back.....
> >
> >

> >
> > Tiger
> >
> >
> >
>

香港新的三字經

香港三字經 (歇後語.有新作.也有舊調.是市井小民日常生活的經歷).


人之初　－　口多多 (童言無忌，口不擇言)
笑騎騎　－　放毒蛇 (笑裡藏刀)
馬照跑　－　舞照跳 (九七年之後，香港保留資本主義制度，五十年不變)
知少少　－　扮代表 (貪功認叻)
冇幾耐　－　扮大袋 (大袋是香港的粗俗、語，意謂大人物也；此句是沙塵囂張的意思)
牙斬斬　－　死得慘 (禍從口出)
眼眨眨　－　扮花旦 (雖無過犯，面目可憎之輩)
聲大大　－　冇貨賣 (言過其實)
眼大大　－　易學壞 (青春少艾，容易誤入歧途)
周身郁　－　扮忙碌 (郁者，動也；講多過做)
眼濕濕　－　扮憂鬱 (貓哭老鼠)
嘴藐藐　－　打得少 (口花花，撩是鬥非)
靜雞雞　－　認低威 (衰衰地慣鋪，向對方認錯)
有早知　－　冇乞兒 (世事難料)
晨早知　－　中三T (三T，香港最多獎金的賽馬彩池, 意思與上句相同)
擔櫈仔　－　霸頭位 (驚死執輸)
一張票　－　睇到笑 (香港三級色情電影戲院買一張票可以整天任看)
好好好　－　睇唔到 (敷衍了事)
撓埋手　－　晨早走 (練精學懶)
有得震　－ 冇得訓 (大禍臨頭。震，顫抖的意思)
搞搞震　－　冇幫襯 (搞事破壞份子)
側側膊　－　唔多覺 (得過且過，求求其其)
搏大霧　－　唔使做 (使讀作洗；混水摸魚)
有姿勢　－　冇實際 (虛有其表)
有交易　－　靠實力 (不靠傍門左道)
七八九　－　飲到嘔 (「七八九」是卡拉OK夜店的遊 戲)
硬骨頭　－　食地球 (「地球」指六、七十年代國產的地球牌香煙)
手頭緊　－　搵真銀 (勤力搵錢)
烏啄啄　－　任人將 (做人糊塗，容易被人騙)
淡淡定　－　有錢剩 (凡事處變不驚；剩，音「靜」)
失失慌　－　害街坊 (小不忍則亂大謀)
拿拿林　－ 上瓊林 (瓊林是香港一間著名夜總會)
口旱旱　－　食咳糖 (口水都無滴)
有得賭　－　精神好 (爛賭之輩)
三缺一　－　慘過乞 (麻雀術語)
時運高　－　搏番鋪 (把握時機)
煙 K J－　噤住呤 (話事啤術語，贏面甚高)
二仔底　－　冇得睇 (「沙蟹」術語，輸多贏少)
隨口嗡　－　當祕笈 (語不驚人誓不休)
招乜積　－　中圍骰 (高傲而好運)
贏粒糖　－　輸間廠 (十賭九輸)
贏把遮　－　輸架車 (前句另一個版本)
面懵懵　－　當老馮 (老馮，意謂奉旨)
女人心　－　海底針 (女人善變)
十八樓　－　自己友 (街坊街里，守望相助)
有竇口　－　早啲抖 (安得廣廈千萬間)
讀書少　－　俾人藐 (學識低者，會被人看不起)
頭岳岳 －　四圍度 (無聊發悶)
爛撻撻　－　唔負責 (無恥之徒)
冇晒計　－　發狼戾 (狼戾，近音Long禮；意思不按常理做事，全句是趕狗入窮巷的意思)
咖喱啡　－　扮阿姐 (泥「鯭」充石斑)
姿姿整　－　有環境 (露出馬腳)
咁人齊　－　等發圍 (同心協力)
趁佢病　－　囉佢命 (趕盡殺絕)
出嚟威 －　識搶咪 (要懂得爭取機會)
唔想衰　－　埋大堆 (圍結就是力量)
有異性　－　無人性 (失去理性)

中國第一位外籍相聲

致北京市交警的一封信（超搞笑）

這是今年十一國慶之後在網上看到最令人打從心底笑出來的一張帖子.....




致交警的一封信：

交警同志，向你反映一個情況，二○○九年十月一日上午十時許，一輛牌號為「京 V02009」的紅旗牌小轎車，從天安門中華門開出，壓雙實線，違規掉頭，沿長安街逆向行駛，車內人員還將半身探出車外，並在公共場合大聲喧嘩，希望嚴肅處理。

這是上集，馬上就有網民貼出下集.....

您好，同志：

經我局同志調查核實，對方人太多，飛機大炮坦克都帶來了，手下有全球最大的社團，本局內部也大部分都是該社團人員，實在招惹不起，敬請忍氣吞聲。

創意無限，又有網民貼出下集的另一版本.......

交管局答覆：「已處理，該同志已在天安門城樓罰站兩小時。」

Doctor office humor

love the pharmaceutical industry's humor.








I'm sure that you have seen pharmaceutical advertising in doctor's offices on everything from tissues to note pads.

Well, in my book, this one should get the prize....






I e-mailed it to my Chinese doctor friend.

He e-mailed back: "If light

stay on for more than 4 hours, call your erectrician."

正在求偶的女士必看！

這是由命相學來看的.....男人的身上有幾處必須有肉：

鼻頭要有肉：鼻頭有肉的男人既有欲也有財，衣食無憂！

嘴唇要有肉：厚嘴唇的男人為人厚道，薄嘴唇的男人通常都很薄倖！

下巴要有肉：下巴有肉，除了可以讓你捏他下巴之外，他的晚年也會過得不錯，可以照顧你！

耳朵要有肉：耳大肥厚，是長壽的徵相，他長壽，就可以和你廝守終身，最幸福的就是可以比妳愛的人先死，他那麼長壽妳的願望不難達成！

臉頰要有肉：雙頰凹陷的男人不是太可怕嗎？

肩膀要有肉：可以讓妳舒舒服服的把下巴擱上去。

背脊要有肉：可以隨時背起妳！

胸前要有肉：可以挨得住女人幾拳！

手掌要有肉：手掌肥厚的男人會很有錢用，不用女人養他。

雙腿要有肉：兩條枯樹枝一樣的腿太沒有安全感了！

最重要的是屁股有肉：屁股大而有肉的男人最顧家，小屁股的男人多半靠不住！

他那顆心，當然也要是肉造的：肉造的心，才容易被妳打動。


*** 結論：



往下看.....









找隻豬準沒錯！

如何改善人際/尤其同事間既關係

為使公司各部門主管及各職級的工作關係更和諧，經管理層商議後，現請各部部門主管及員工參考下列日常應對．避免日常工作上所產生的言語衝突，促進公司的生產力情況。

『被要求加班時』試著說：「也許我可以加班把事情做完」
不要說：「你老母想我做到幾撚多點？」

『被要求執行時』試著說：「我不確定這樣是不是能夠實行」
不要說：「根本就行唔撚通！」

『質疑時』試著說：「真的嗎> ？」
不要說：「唔撚係丫！」

『表示意見之一』試著說：「或許你可以去詢問一下別人的看法」
不要說： 「你睇下有冇人會屌你！」

『表示意見之二』> 試著說：「我當然也很關心」
不要說：「睇下邊個會理鳩你？」

『表示意見之三』試著說：「嗯，這很有意思」
不要說：「呢d乜撚野黎架？」

『否認時』試著說：「不好意思，我並沒有參與這項計劃」
不要說： 「單野鳩關我事？」

『接受任務時』試著說：「我會試著把這件事情插進工作進度中」
不要說：「你老母唔撚早d同我講？ 」

『表達他人立場時』 試著說：「他可能不太熟悉這件事情」
不要說：「佢識撚咩！」

『答覆質疑』試著說：「所以你不太滿意這件作品？」
不要說： 「屌！你又玩乜鳩？」

『工作過重時』試著說：「我手邊的工作量可能有一點過重了」
不要說： 「係唔係想做撚死人？」

『表示工作態度』試著說：「我喜歡接受挑戰」
不要說：「又要我做乜西丫 」

『溝通（一）』 試著說：「我覺得這應該不會有問題」
不要說： 「關我撚事？」

『溝通（二）』試著說：「你可能還不太了解」
不要說：「你個腦裝屎架？」

『溝通（三）』試著說：「是， 我們是應該討論一下」
不要說： 「你老味又要開咩濕鳩會丫？」

『溝通（四）』試著說：「我了解」
不要說：「你On鳩！」

Fishing trip

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect backwoods camping and fishing trip.

Two days before their trip to start, Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him not to go. Frank's friends are very upset but what can they do?

When the three get to the camping site, they find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, fire wood gathered, and fish cooking.

"Damn man. How long have you been here and how did your wife let you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and wife wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said: "Guess who?" I pulled her hands off and saw she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom where two dozen candles with rose pedals all over. She had on the bed handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. Then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So here I am.

一張紙

> 出生一張紙，開始一輩子；畢業一張紙，奮鬥一輩子；
>
>
> 婚姻一張紙，折磨一輩子；做官一張紙，鬥爭一輩子；
>
> 金錢一張紙，辛苦一輩子；榮譽一張紙，虛名一輩子；
>
> 看病一張紙，痛苦一輩子； 悼詞一張紙，了結一輩子；
>
> 淡化這些紙，明白一輩子； 忘了這些紙，快樂一輩子!
>
>
>
> 這周是世界好友周，如果你願意，
> 請把這條資訊發給你所有的好朋友。
>
> 也包括我......看有多少人會回發給你。當大部分人都在關注你飛得高不高時，
>
> 只有少部分人關心你飛得累不累，
> 這就是友情。
>
> 再忙，也要照顧好自己，
> 朋友雖不常聯繫，卻一直惦念。
>
> 天涼時記著多穿衣！
> 世界好友周快樂！
>
> 少喝奶茶、不吃剛烤好的麵包，
> 遠離正在充電的電源。
>
> 白天多喝水，晚上少喝，一天不喝多於兩杯的咖啡。
>
> 少吃油多的食物，
> 最佳睡眠為晚上十點至早上六點。
>
> 晚上五點後少吃大餐，
> ?每天喝酒不超過一杯。
>
> 不用冷水服膠囊，
> 睡前半小時服藥忌立刻躺下。
>
> 睡眠不足八小時人會變笨，
> 有午睡習慣的人不易老。
>
> 手機電池剩一格時不要打電話，
> 剩一格時輻射是平時的一千倍。
>
>
>
> 新概念
>
> 一個中心：一切以健康為中心。
>
> 兩個基本點：遇事瀟灑一點，看世糊塗一點。
>
> 三個忘記：
> 忘記年齡， 忘記過去，
> 忘記恩怨。
>
> 四個擁有：無論你有多弱或多強，一定要
> 擁有真正愛你的人，
> 擁有知心的朋友，
>
>
> 擁有向上的事業，擁有溫暖的住所。
>
>
> 五個要：唱， 要跳， 要俏， 要笑，
> 要苗條。
>
> 六個不能：不能餓了才吃，不能渴了才喝，不能困了才睡，不能累了才歇，不能病
>
>
> 了才檢查，
> 不能老了再後悔。

Wife 和 Husband in Chinese

據舊華社報導，
一位老外在中國準備長期居留，
於是，
他報名了專給老外準備的中文課程。

第一堂課教兩個英文單詞的中文解釋
--wife和husband。
老師的要求是必須記住以下解釋：

Wife =
1妻子，
2老婆，
3太太，
4夫人，
5老伴，
6愛人，
7內人，
8媳婦，
9那口子，
10拙荊，
11賢內助，
12對象，
13孩他媽，
14孩他娘，
15內子，
16婆娘，
17糟糠，
18娃他娘，
19崽他娘，
20山妻，
21賤內，
22賤荊，
23女人，
24馬子，
25主婦，
26女主人，
27財政部長，
28紀檢委，
29渾人，
30娘子，
31屋裏的，
32另一半，
33女當家，
34渾家，
35髮妻，
36堂客，
37婆姨，
38領導，
39燒火婆，
40黃臉婆

Husband =
1，丈夫
2，愛人
3，那口子
4，當家的
5，掌櫃的
6，不正經的
7，潑皮
8，不爭氣的
9，沒出息的
10，該死的
11，死鬼
12，死人
13，傻子
14，臭不要臉的
15，孩子他爹
16，孩子他親爹
17，哎
18，老公
19，豬
20，親愛的
21，先生
22，官人
23，相公
24，大人
25，挨千刀的
26，老伴
27，男客

還沒下課，
老外已吐血而亡.

女人是花心的

女人是花心的

據中科院最新研究結果.男人和女人在不同年齡階段最愛的人分別是:
0~~5歲,
女人:媽媽.
男人:媽媽.

6~~10歲:
女人:不是討厭的男孩就行.
男人:能和我一起欺負其它人的男孩.

11~~15歲:
女人:十六七八九歲的大男孩,只要不是本班的那一幫就行.
男人:籃球,足球,乒乓球,網球......

16~~25歲:
女人:26歲至29歲的有事業基礎,有品位,有才華的男人.
男人:20歲至24歲的漂亮,有身段的女人.

25~~30歲:
女人:堅持要比自己大的男人.
男人:20歲至24歲的漂亮,有身段的女人

30~~40歲:
女人:心靈契合的男人.
男人:20歲至24歲的漂亮,有身段的女人

40~~50歲:
女人:男人.
男人:20歲至24歲的漂亮,有身段的女人

50~~60歲:
女人:能和她終老的男人.
男人:20歲至24歲的漂亮,有身段的女人.

70~~80歲:
女人:和他在一起,不需要自己照顧的男人
男人:20歲至24歲的漂亮,有身段的女人.

80~~90歲:
女人:死在自己後面的男人.
男人:我雖然已經老眼昏花.不過我還是希望20歲至24歲的漂亮,有身段的女人.

結論:男人是專一的，女人是花心的！

For the non-religeous only

There are 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: he called everyone brother; he liked gospel; and he did not get a fair trial.

But then, there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: he went into his father's business; he lived at home until he was 33 and his mother was sure that he was God.

But then, there are 3 equally good arguments that he was Californian; he never cut his hair; he walked around barefoot and he started a new religion.

But the most compelling of all are the 3 arguments that Jesus was a woman:
he fed a crowd at a moment's notice; he kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it. And even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was work to do.

---------

Tony: I can think of many similar jokes but all are not politically correct like he is a communist...

Another joke from Greg

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter the Pearly Gates,

God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines.
One line for the men who were the true heads of their households, and
the other line for the men who were dominated by their women.

I want all the women to report to St. Peter.

Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.

The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long,
and in the line of men who truly were heads of their households,
there was only one man.

God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves,
I created you to be the heads of your households!

You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose!
Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."

God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be
the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

1977 & 2007

This is sent only to those whose level of maturity
> qualifies them to relate to it...
>
> 1977 : Long hair
> 2007: Longing for hair
>
> 1977: KEG
> 2007: EKG
>
> 1977 : Acid rock
> 2007 : Acid reflux
>
>
> 1977 : Moving to California because it's cool
> 2007 : Moving to Arizona because it's warm
>
> 1977 : Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
> 2007: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
>
> 1977 : Seeds and stems
> 2007: Roughage
>
> 1977 : Hoping for a BMW
> 2007: Hoping for a BM
>
>
> 1977 : Going to a new, hip joint
> 2007: Receiving a new hip joint
>
> 1977 : Rolling Stones
> 2007: Kidney Stones
>
> 1977 : Screw the system
> 2007: Upgrade the system
>
>
> 1977 : Disco
> 2007: Costco
>
>
> 1977 : Parents begging you to get your hair cut
> 2007: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
>
>
> 1977 : Passing the drivers' test
> 2005: Passing the vision test
>
>
> 1977 : Whatever
> 2007: Depends
>
> Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this
> will certainly change things.
>
> Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin
> puts together a list to try to give the faculty a
> sense of the mindset of this year's incoming
> freshmen. Here's this year's list:
>
> The people who are starting college this fall across
> the nation were born in 1987.
>
>
> They are too young to remember the space shuttle
> blowing up.
>
> Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
>
> Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
>
> The CD was introduced the year they were born.
>
> They have always had an answering! machine
>
> They have always had cable.
>
> They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
>
> Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
>
> Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
>
> They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
>
> They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
>
> They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
>
> They never heard:
> "Where's the Beef?",
> "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane."
>
>
> They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.
>
> McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
>
> They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
>
> Do you feel old yet?
>
> Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.
>
> Notice the larger type, that's for those of you who
> have trouble reading...
>
> So have a nice day!!!!!
> It is good to have friends who know about these
> things and are still alive and kicking!!!!

* 洞房花燭夜之「一字成語」

好一個洞房花燭夜的過程敘述...古人果真有讀過書！
>
>
>
> 一位秀才新婚，洞房花燭夜之翌日，眾兄弟來拜訪，大家問他感覺如何？
> 秀才起身搖扇吟唱道：「春宵一刻值千金，一字言淺，那我用一字成語來形容...」
>
> 秀才遂立而曰：「昨夜『春宵一刻』，小弟以『一技之長』、『一柱擎天』之勢，
> 『一馬當先』、『一拍即合』、『一炮而紅』、『一氣呵成』、『一鳴驚人』、
> 『一瀉千里』，真是『一夕纏綿』、『一夜風流』是也！」
>
> 大家轉問大嫂感覺又如何？
>
> 只見她好哀怨地唱道：「真是『一場春夢』，他本是『一籌莫展』，我助他『一臂之力』，
> 但『一波三折』，非『一蹴可及』，只見『一事無成』，就『一手掌握』，『一口咬定』，豈料
> 『一觸即發』、『一瞬即逝』、『一落千丈』、『一敗塗地』、『奄奄一息，簡直『一無是處』，
> 如此『多此一舉』，不如『一刀兩斷』，然後『一了百了』，唉！真是『一言難盡』。」
>
>
> 看了以後，不要笑得「一命嗚呼」喔！

FW: 給在地獄工作的朋友們

有三個人, 分別來自外商公司, 傳統企業跟台積電員工.
在一次意外事故身亡後 , 通通在陰曹地府碰面排隊.

閻王跟他們說 , 因為事發突然, 他們都還有一次機會可以打電話回陽間 ,
跟親朋好友交代一些後事 .

外商公司的打電話給老婆,交代清楚自己銀行的存款要如何處置,
一共講了 5 分鐘. 講完! 後! 他問閻王說要多少錢 ?
''五萬元''
他覺得不貴, 當場開了張五萬元的支票給閻王 , 便瀟灑地走回座位.

傳統公司的心想, 五分鐘五萬元? 那講短一點吧 !
打電話給小老婆! , 交代清楚自己的股票要如何處置,
只講了2分鐘. 講完後他問閻王說要多少錢 ?
''打電話給小老婆 , 五十萬元''
他雖然覺得很貴, 但還是小 case 啦!
當場開了張五十萬元的支票給閻王 ,便開心地走回座位.

最後輪到台積電員工, 他心想 , 好像講的越短反而越貴, 那當然要多講一點 !
他也沒什麼存款要跟老婆交代 , 也沒時間更沒有錢可以養小老婆,
倒是有一堆做不完的公事 , 當下撥了電話回公司給同事跟老闆,
把自己還沒做完的工作都交代的一清二楚, 結果一共講了 20 個小時之久.
講完後他問閻王說要多少錢?
'"二十元'"
他嚇了一跳, 有沒有搞錯啊 , 講那麼久才20 元?
便跟閻王再確認一...

閻王回答說: 因為….

從『地獄』打到『地獄』 , 算【網內互打】......