Friday, April 30, 2010

Expo 2010 - proud to be Chinese

Thursday, April 29, 2010

初老

初老,這個詞,真是有趣,但也有很多感觸。
年齡就是這麼一回事,20歲生日的時候,覺得自己老了;
30歲生日的時候,也覺得自己老了,40歲生日的時候,當然就更老了。
所以30歲的人,回頭看那些20歲的人喊什麼青春不再,不免嘀咕,靠夭啥啦;
而40歲的人,看到那些鬼叫啥30宣言的,也會在心裡幹譙,30歲是有啥好哀怨的啦!

要自己接受老的事實,其實是很殘酷的,但“老”的來勢洶洶,也應該有類似“轉大人”,轉骨”那樣的適應期。

不知不覺,初老的跡象一天一天滲透,外表,心態,生理,心理的,就好像古田敦也形容的,
15年前看“東京愛情故事”的織田裕二,為何過了15年了,還是一樣年輕?好懷念啊,真希望自己也一樣。
初老,其實是有跡可尋的,譬如... ..
01,身旁陸續出現有一堆人喊你“× ×哥”,“× ×姐”,但其實很想叫他們閉嘴
02,發現同事的年齡與自己的距離從** 5 **歲,擴大到** 10 **歲,** 15 **歲** ... ... *
03,開始懷疑比自己年齡大的人,是不是都跑到外星球去了
04,以前可以唱卡拉OK到天亮,現在只要熬夜一天,就會累一個禮拜
05,只要坐下來,小腹就有一癱肉
06,開始注意維骨力和維他命位置的行情
07,躺在沙發看八點檔連續劇會熟睡30分鐘以上
08,覺得五分埔與路邊攤的Ť卹都是給紙片人穿的
09,以前煩惱青春痘,現在煩惱小細紋
10,除非參加清早晨運的甩手功或廟會朝山活動,否則很難找到比自己年齡大的聚會
11,對於陌生網友的“我們可以交朋友嗎?”說法,覺得無比愚蠢而沒有耐心
12,認識新朋友的速度與機率逐漸鈍化
13,對於沒有結論的冗長會議充滿厭惡
14,越來越覺得專家說法都是唬爛
15,已經放棄“你可以吃”這種吃到飽的把戲了
16,如果一天沒有吃綠色蔬菜就會覺得身體怪怪的
17,*莫名其妙就會一大早醒過來
18,逐漸沒有耐心替爛朋友收爛攤了
19,越來越不喜歡改變“已經習慣的習慣”
20,很討厭在外面過夜,因為要帶好多東西
21,不知不覺,隨身攜帶溫水壺和牙線棒
22,懶得交新朋友的原因,是因為懶得從頭交代自己的人生
23,越久以前發生的事情越是記得,越近的事情反而容易忘記
24,總是把“重要的東西”放在“重要的地方”,然後把那個“重要的地方”,徹底忘記
25,覺得自己快要被一堆密碼和一堆遙控器淹沒了
26,每次看到某某歌手某某影星過世的消息,就要感嘆一次,我們的時代過去了
27, 60頻道以後的電影台播放的舊電影,會忍不住一口氣看完
28,說你看過“東京愛情故事”,知道完治與莉香,周遭一片嘩然
29,朋友們離婚的(數量/年度)開始超越結婚的(數量/年度)
30,對於星座,運勢,紫微斗數,塔羅牌,兩性專家與勵志書,已經沒有感覺
31,對於磁場不對的人,可以毫無牽掛的跟他說再見,再見,再見... ...
32,參加告別式的機率比婚禮多,包白包的機會比包紅包的機會多
33,再也不覺得年輕辣妹是一種天上掉下來的幸福
34,以前糟蹋身體,現在被身體糟蹋
35,開始注意醫藥新聞,譬如銀杏是不是可以預防老年癡呆
36,對於年輕朋友不讓座這件事情會非常介意
37,對於手機鈴聲開始感覺不耐煩
38,逛超市買東西,會注意成分與製造商和賞味期限
39,對超商的集點活動完全沒興趣
40,對路邊的如新問卷部隊非常有意見
41,對詐騙集團開始產生周旋的戰鬥力
42,逐漸喜歡到傳統市場買菜
43,最討厭聽到“如果你不怎樣,就不能怎樣”這種威脅
44,再也不相信政治人物“替鄉親服務”這種屁話
45,對於百貨公司週年慶已經沒什麼衝刺的慾望了
46,報紙影劇版報導的明星大部分都不認識
47,卡拉OK熱門點播排行榜的歌曲完全不會唱
48,當紅的偶像歌手大部分都不認識
49,對於RAP的一點好感都沒有
50,枕頭旁邊,電腦鍵盤旁邊,出現一堆萬金油,白花油,綠油精等提神藥方

〜〜對了!對了!
我也有貢獻ㄡ
我還特地把字放大咧
為了方便各位姐妹兄弟的老花...^++++^

Joe Wong's jokes II

Joe Wong's jokes

Copy and paste

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.
He Said :
"; The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman
who wasn't my wife!"
The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: " And that woman was my mother!"

Laughter and applause.

A week later,
a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to
crack this very effective joke at home.
He was a bit foggy after a drink.
He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, "
The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman
who was not my wife!"

The wife went; "ah!" with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke,
the manager finally blurted out "....
and I can't remember who she was!"

By the time the manager regained his consciousness,
he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water


Moral of the story:
Don't copy, if you can't paste!

Cheap Chinese

Cantonese joke

The story of 4 monkeys

一個猴子實驗如下:


把五隻猴子關在一個籠子裡,籠子上頭有一串香蕉。

實驗人員裝了一個自動裝置,若是偵測到有猴子要去拿香蕉,

馬上就會有水噴向籠子,這五隻猴子馬上會被淋濕。



首先有隻猴子想去拿香蕉,馬上水噴出來。

每隻猴子都淋濕了,每隻猴子都去嘗試了,

發現都是如此。於是猴子們達到一個共識:

不要去拿香蕉! 因為有水會噴出來!



後來實驗人員把其中的一隻猴子換掉,

換一隻新猴子(稱為A猴子好了)關到籠子裡。

這隻A猴子看到香蕉,馬上想要去拿,

結果被其他四隻舊猴子海K了一頓。

因為其他四隻猴子認為新猴子會害他們被水淋到,

所以制止這新猴子去拿香蕉。

這新猴子嘗試了幾次,被打的滿頭包,

還是沒有拿到香蕉,當然這五隻猴子就沒有被水噴到。

後來實驗人員再把一隻舊猴子換掉,

換另外一隻新猴子(稱為B猴子好了)

關到籠子裡,這隻B猴子看到香蕉,當然也是馬上要去拿,

結果也是被其他四隻猴子K了一頓。

那隻A猴子打的特別用力 ,(這叫老兵欺負新兵 呵呵!)

B猴子試了幾次總是被打的很慘,只好作罷~

後來慢慢的一隻一隻的,所有的舊猴子都換成新猴子了。

大家都不敢去動那香蕉,但是他們都不知道為什麼,

只知道去動香蕉會被人扁。

這就是「傳統」的由來。

當你接受某種環境的制約而失去反省及思考能力時

將永遠不會有新的解決方法

個人的能力就成為負成長

長此以往將成為窠臼

也就會變成"不長進"

可怕喔~
傳統不去反省它,就沒有價值!

How my aunt park her car

4 hours to live

Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the
doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live.


Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex.

Naturally,
she agrees, so
they make
love.



About 6
hours later, the
husband
goes to his wife and says,



'Honey, you
know I now have
only 18
hours to live.



Could we
please do it one
more
time?'



Of course,
the wife agrees,
and they do
it again.



Later, as
the man gets into
bed, he
looks at his watch



and
realizes that he now has
only 8 hours
left.




He touches
his wife's
shoulder and
asks,



'Honey,
please... just one
more time
before I die.'




She says,
'Of course, Dear,'
and they
make love for the third time.




After this
session, the wife
rolls over
and falls asleep.




Morris,
however, worried about his impending death,tosses and turns, until he's down
to 4 more hours.




He taps his
wife, who rouses.
'Honey, I
have only 4 more hours.




Do you
think we
could...'



At this
point the wife sits
up and
says, 'Listen Morris, enough is enough
I have to
get up in the morning... you don't.'


-----------
Discussion forum monitored by Tony.

1. Morris is totally wrong.
He should spend some money to make love with the most beautiful lady.

2. He must be using enhancing drugs continuously - it is healthy to do so as he has nothing to lose.

3. Are there anything better to do than sex like all those tasty foods but not healthy to you?

The new America

How to win any argument?

有一天,我跳上一輛計程車,打算到機場。正當我們開上正確的車道時,突然間一輛黑色轎車從停車位開出,
正好擋在我們前面。我的計程車司機立即踩剎車,車子滑行了一小段路,剛好閃開來車,兩車之間的距離就
只差個幾英吋!另一輛車的駕駛兇狠地甩頭,並且朝著我們大喊大叫。

我的計程車司機只是微笑,對那傢伙揮揮手。我的意思是說,他表現得很友善。於是我問:「你剛才為什麼
那麼做?那傢伙差點毀了你的車,還可能害我們受傷送醫院!」

這是當時我的計程車司機告訴我的話,現在我就稱呼它為「垃圾車定律」。

他解釋說:許多人就像垃圾車。他們到處跑來跑去,身上充滿了垃圾、充滿了沮喪、充滿了憤怒、和充滿了失望。
隨著垃圾堆積,他們終需找個地方傾倒;有時候,我們剛好碰上了,垃圾就往我們身上丟,所以,不要介意,
只要微笑、揮揮手、祝福他們,然後繼續走我們自己的路就行;千萬別將他們的垃圾擴散給同事、家人、或其他路人。

這兒的底線是:成功的人絕對不讓垃圾車接管自己生活當中的任何一天;人生苦短,早上醒來絕對不要帶著遺憾。
所以....仁愛對待與你以禮相待的人;不用去理會那群無理取閙者。生命只有10%由自己決定,但90%看你如何利用它!

日本VS中国 氣功対決

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Story from a Canadian

THE
ANT AND
THE
GRASSHOPPER




This
one is a little different...... Two Different
Versions....
............... Two Different
Morals











OLD
VERSION







The ant
works hard in the withering heat
all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the
winter.

The grasshopper
thinks the ant is
a
fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away..

Come
winter, the ant is
warm
and well fed.

The grasshopper
has no food or shelter, so
he
dies out in the cold.




MORAL OF THE
STORY:
Be
responsible for
yourself!




















MODERN
VERSION






The ant works
hard
in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house
and
laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper
thinks the ant is a
fool
and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter,
the shivering grasshopper
calls a press
conference and
demands to know why the ant
should be
allowed to be warm and
well fed while he is cold and starving.

CBS, NBC , PBS,
CNN, and ABC
show up to
provide pictures of the
shiveringgrasshopper
next to a
video of the
ant
in his comfortable home with a table
filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp
contrast.

How can
this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper
is allowed
to suffer so?


Kermit the
Frog appears on Oprah
with the grasshopper
and everybody
cries when they sing,
'It's Not Easy Being Green...'


ACORN
stages a demonstration in front of the
ant's
house
where the news stations film the group singing,
"We
shall
overcome."
Then Rev.
Jeremiah
Wright has the group kneel down to pray to
God for the grasshopper's
sake.


President
Obama
condemns
the ant
and blames
President Bush,
President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the
Pope
for the grasshopper's
plight.

Nancy Pelosi & Harry
Reid exclaim in an interview with
Larry
King
that the ant
has gotten
rich off the back
of the
grasshopper, and both
call for an
immediate tax hike on the ant
to make
him pay his fair share.


Finally, the EEOC
drafts the Economic Equity &
Anti-Grasshopper
Act
retroactive to the beginning of
the
summer.

The ant
is fined for failing to hire a
proportionate number of green
bugs
and, having nothing left to
pay his
retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green
Czar
and given
to
the
grasshopper.


The story ends as we see the
grasshopper
and his free-loading
friends
finishing up the last bits of the ant's
food while the government house he
is
in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's
old house,
crumbles around them
because the grasshopperdoesn't
maintain it.

The
ant
has disappeared in the snow, never to
be seen again.

The grasshopper
is found
dead in a drug related
incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over
by a gang of
spiders
who terrorize the ramshackle, once
prosperous
and once peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire
Nation
collapses bringing the rest of the
free world with it.













MORAL OF
THE
STORY:
Be careful how you
vote in 2010.











I've
sent this
to you because I believe that you are an ant -
not
a
grasshopper! Make sure
that you pass
this on to other ants. Don't
bother sending
it on to any grasshoppers
because they
wouldn't
understand it, anyway

Blonde's password

During a recent password audit, it was found that a
blonde was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDewyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why she had such a long password, she said
she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters
long and include at least one capital.

Old Hong Kong

HK Vintage Radio from Steve

Mandarin Radio from Steve

Old Hong Kong from Irene

Amazing sand drawing

羅漢果神奇功效

茂叔推介:多年前本人已患有“慢性氣管阻塞疾病”,但因悉心維護,未見嚴重﹗當第一次流感盛行時又自以為本身抵抗力強,有信心無需打流感針,因如領嘢引致嚴重哮喘病發,短短一條班馬線都要分開兩段才能行完。繼而來之則每隔個多月就需要到診所攞壹個星期藥“類固醇” 加“抗生素”服用。

但只能維持個零月又需要去“急症室”求診,照例被轉送「葛量洪療養院」通常留院十至十二日。這樣循環不息,到個零月就往診所攞壹星期“抗生素”“類固醇”服用。到了三個月左右,又係去急症室後轉往葛量洪療養院。幸好約一年後我因無聊喺電腦上打上“羅漢果茶”被我無意中搵到了“羅漢果”網頁。自己先做(白老鼠照方飲用),到現在雖未完全康復,可是已有兩年未再去診所攞“抗生素”及“類固醇”亦係有兩年唔駛再去「葛量洪」療養院留醫。可証 “羅漢果茶”功效之奇﹗

見症2:(茂嬸)兩年前因久咳後變為哮喘,又係經瑪麗醫院轉送「葛量洪療養院」留醫約十日,後每隔個半月就要往“葛量洪”覆診取“舒緩及擴張氣管”之吸入劑。兩年後之今日,因佢係初患者,她隨我飲了「羅漢果茶」四個月,現已不感氣喘可說得係完全康復。同時(茂嬸)在兩年前例行作[婦科檢查時],發現子宮有一( 二厘米 小肉粒),經過養和醫生覆診後,認為暫時只需密切觀察[小肉粒會否變大],若維持原狀則無需施動手術。

因此小肉粒令(茂嬸)十分憂心,同時體重亦瘦咗十多磅。好彩(茂嬏)在醫治哮喘時飲咗四佪月(羅漢果茶)後,不但醫好哮喘,最奇怪係幾次往覆診婦科,發覺子宮內嗰粒 二厘米 小肉粒亦消失到無影無踪,因如體重亦逐漸恢復。是以《有此好藥方》,(茂叔) 特在此公開給好友們,希望可以幫啲患上同樣症狀之病人。謹望大家幫手將此(羅漢果藥方)傳給有需要之病人,廣種善根。多謝好友們合作﹗

限於篇幅;《羅漢果》尚有不少效用﹗請看附件羅漢果神奇功效。

Job hunting joke

Lady minorities of China

Chicken singing lady

Taiwan's answer to Susan Boyle