香港人更會說關我 "xx" 事了.
夏進興 -- 總統府首席參事 ( 台北市 )
筆者兩度赴中國大陸旅遊，對簡體字頗不習慣，也深覺不以為然，
例如：一個「干」字，既可以作「乾」，也可以作「幹」，實在教人困惑！
返台時，便以簡體字的缺陷，略帶詼諧語調，作對聯一則。
上聯曰：「麵無麥、愛無心、單翅能飛」
下聯曰：「餘不食、親不見、無門可開」
「麵無麥」，中國大陸的「麵」字，就用「面」字來代替，沒有左邊的「麥」字；
「愛無心」，大陸的「愛」字當中沒有「心」字 (爱)；
「單翅能飛」，中國大陸的「飛」字 (飞)，只有一個翅膀，且底下沒有「升」字，戲稱為「單翅能飛」。
「餘不食」，中國大陸的「餘」字，就是一個「余」字，沒有左邊的「食」字，
若銜接上聯，就是沒有「麥」的「麵」，我不吃；
「親不見」，中國大陸的「親」字，右邊沒有「見」字(亲)，
若銜接上聯，就是沒有心的「愛」，親情不見了；
「無門可開」，中國大陸的「開」字，沒有上頭的「門」字，
既然單翅都能飛翔，無門可以開啟，也就不足為奇了！
退休後，每周擇一日擔任導覽志工，常為中國大陸人士介紹總統府的歷史文物，
也特別引用上述對聯，來說明正體字的優越性；
有時觀眾興致之餘，提問「那橫批呢？」
我說：「有人給我「不生而產」的橫批，因為中國的「產」字，下頭沒有「生」字；
又有人給我「死無全屍」為橫批，因為中國的「屍」字，就用「尸」字來代替。
筆者認為最好的橫批，就是「郎不歸鄉」，因為大陸的「鄉」字，右邊沒有一個「郎」字。
有位中國女性觀眾聽我講述之後，說：「不行！我們的情郎要歸鄉。」
我說：「若要情郎歸鄉，就請你們改用正體字吧 ！」
Friday, July 15, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
JESUS AND THE NEW DEMOCRAT
(I don't care what party you like, this one's funny!!)
A Conservative, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Conservative looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"
The waitress nodded "yes," so the Conservative requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.
The next patron to come in was a Liberal, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?"
The waitress nodded, so the Liberal asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a New Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's about getting me a cold mug of Molson's Canadian?" He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?
The waitress nodded, so the New Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said loudly.
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Conservative, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Conservative felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus passed by the Liberal, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Liberal felt his back straightening up and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the door.
Then, Jesus walked towards the New Democrat, just smiling.
The New Democrat jumped up and yelled,
"Don't touch me ... I'm collecting disability."
A Conservative, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Conservative looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"
The waitress nodded "yes," so the Conservative requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.
The next patron to come in was a Liberal, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?"
The waitress nodded, so the Liberal asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a New Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's about getting me a cold mug of Molson's Canadian?" He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?
The waitress nodded, so the New Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said loudly.
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Conservative, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Conservative felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus passed by the Liberal, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Liberal felt his back straightening up and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the door.
Then, Jesus walked towards the New Democrat, just smiling.
The New Democrat jumped up and yelled,
"Don't touch me ... I'm collecting disability."
廣東人說官話
"天不怕地不怕，就怕廣東人說官話"！
鹹魚飯
上普通話課聽寫測驗，全班最用功的香港阿英坐在老師面前第一個位置。
老師讀：「嫌犯」。阿英立刻在筆記寫上「鹹飯」
老師不小心瞄到阿英的卷子，但又不忍讓她難堪， 就提高音量：「嫌疑犯！」
只見阿英遲疑一秒，似有頓悟提筆將「鹹飯」改成....................... 「鹹魚飯」
老師再瞄完後差點暈倒, 於是提高音量說, 是 「犯人的嫌疑犯！」,
阿英聽了覺得很有道理, 於是再加上三個字 「飯冷的鹹魚飯」.
因為阿英聽媽媽說用隔夜冷飯炒出來的比較好吃.
老師再也忍不住了, 用翻白的眼神對著阿英, 我說是「有一位嫌疑犯！」
阿英用顫抖的筆跡慢慢寫下....................................... 「魷魚味鹹魚飯」,
老師只好走到阿英身邊, 然後手按阿英的肩膀說, 是那種「罪大惡極要死的嫌疑犯！」
滿腦想著食物的阿英怯怯地塗掉先前所寫, 然後改成.......「嘴大餓極要食的鹹魚飯」.
鹹魚飯
上普通話課聽寫測驗，全班最用功的香港阿英坐在老師面前第一個位置。
老師讀：「嫌犯」。阿英立刻在筆記寫上「鹹飯」
老師不小心瞄到阿英的卷子，但又不忍讓她難堪， 就提高音量：「嫌疑犯！」
只見阿英遲疑一秒，似有頓悟提筆將「鹹飯」改成....................... 「鹹魚飯」
老師再瞄完後差點暈倒, 於是提高音量說, 是 「犯人的嫌疑犯！」,
阿英聽了覺得很有道理, 於是再加上三個字 「飯冷的鹹魚飯」.
因為阿英聽媽媽說用隔夜冷飯炒出來的比較好吃.
老師再也忍不住了, 用翻白的眼神對著阿英, 我說是「有一位嫌疑犯！」
阿英用顫抖的筆跡慢慢寫下....................................... 「魷魚味鹹魚飯」,
老師只好走到阿英身邊, 然後手按阿英的肩膀說, 是那種「罪大惡極要死的嫌疑犯！」
滿腦想著食物的阿英怯怯地塗掉先前所寫, 然後改成.......「嘴大餓極要食的鹹魚飯」.
Friday, July 1, 2011
沒有期待，更容易與人相處
人痛苦就是一直想求, 已經有卻求更多, 求不得苦啊!
沒有期待，更容易與人相處 文．日本國寶劇作家橋田壽賀子
你也想要擁有這樣的晚年嗎？那你可能要從年輕時代，就要能夠找到自己所喜歡的工作， 並且專注埋首其中，長年累月下來，你必然能夠我行我素，無所牽掛，暫時把告一個段落的工作丟下，環遊世界去。
日本國寶劇作家橋田壽賀子，在經典戲劇《阿信》和《冷暖人間》中，用筆鋒刻劃出無數悲喜交織的人生， 讓影迷為之動容；這次，她將用情感真摯的文字，娓娓道出自己的人生體悟，是獻給亞洲讀者的最好禮物！
【 書摘試閱】 文．橋田壽賀子
不倚靠孩子的生活方式
處理人際關係時，因為有所期待，因而傾盡心力對待對方，結果認為自己「遭到對方背叛」的人好像很多。
其中最嚴重的對象多數是自己的孩子。因為認定將來需要孩子照顧的期待心理驅使，導致拚命地寵愛孩子。
有些父母單方面想著「將來要讓孩子照顧自己」，然後建造兩代同居的住宅。但是與兒子夫婦幾乎很少接觸， 於是又發出「不應該是這樣的啊」等抱怨的想法，這樣的人比預料中還要多。
這些人當中有些會因為心中很在意，而偷窺兒子夫婦的生活，然後說些「昨天有人送糖果給他們， 竟然沒分給我」或者「自己吃火鍋，也不叫我」，盡是想些瑣碎的事。
要糖果可以自己買呀！兒子和媳婦自己吃火鍋，你也可以找好吃的東西慰勞自己，不時招待朋友一起過 快樂的生活。針對每件瑣事去留意兒子夫婦的生活，因此每天活在怨恨的心情裡，最後還是不能解決任何問題啊！
過度期待會認為自己遭到背叛
其實，希望孩子在你有事的時候能照顧你，這種想法本身就是錯誤。當你對孩子有過度的期待時， 很容易就會將這種心情轉化，認為孩子背叛你。
但是對孩子們來說，他們根本不認為這是背叛。事前也沒跟你商談，也沒有約定，他們完全不了解雙親的想法。
於是你就抱怨「期待他十項，他只做到五項」事實難道不是這樣嗎？
因此，改掉這種想法就沒事了。把一開始的期待放在零上面，因為是零期待所以你不會抱怨「他只做到五項」 而是改口「他竟然做到五項」的想法。
如果你到現在才說出「我蓋房子給你們住」「我替你們付買公寓的頭期款」這種好像要從事等值交換的條件， 也只能得到不滿的心情而已。
照理說年輕的夫婦資金不夠買房子，替他們蓋房子也沒什麼。問題是，不是送給他們錢，而是借給他們。 即使是親子關係也要打契約，讓他們每個月攤還借出去的錢。 換句話說自己要下功夫，想辦法有錢可以過富裕的退休生活。
如果你還是覺得孩子很可憐，實在不忍心，那就將他們還的錢存在銀行裡，以後再給他們。 重要的是必需守住人與人之間的「分際」而已。
如果你一直有一搭沒一搭地支援孩子，孩子就會被你寵壞而沒有辦法獨立。
一直把孩子當成自己的東西看，孩子就習慣被寵，因為孩子喜歡受寵就覺得開心， 這樣的父母也是無法獨立的父母。
孩子是孩子，我是我
總之，我的觀點是即使你跟家人同住，還是要秉持「基本上你還是一個人」的意識。
「過了二十歲的兒女就是屬於社會的，養兒育女的任務結束後，你也要回歸社會」這就是我的想法。
在所謂的少子化（孩子少，父母老）的現代社會，每一個孩子的花費的確明顯增加了。
每一家的父母親都很自然地想，只要是為了孩子就該盡量去做。但是，還是應該
避免為孩子花費太多金錢。
我的話好像很無情，我一直認為，建立孩子大學畢業後，應該還給父母大學學費的制度，應該是很好的作法。
父母可以替孩子出高中為止的學費，但是孩子如果大學畢業成了社會人士，就應該將大學學費分期攤還給父母。
如果這樣做，孩子腦中就有獨立的意識會萌芽。再說從父母的角度不得不考慮，如果自己一生中賺的錢 全都花在孩子上，孩子長大離去之後，自己還有很長的日子要過，生活可能變得很困難。
對父母親而言，孩子獨立的時候，也正是再度回復自我的時候，也因此，
我勸大家一定要花點錢在重新培育自己、讓自己成長這件事情上。
如果父母與孩子雙方都能獨立，這一來就可以彼此協助和慰勞。親子間談錢並非是污濁或無情的行為， 我們不應該有這種意識。如果為人父母或子女的人不能夠從頭修正自己的生活觀， 當然就不可能找到自己想要的幸福。
因此我認為，必須從黏黏膩膩的親子關係中脫身，過清爽乾脆的親子生活，才能確保好的心情。
【橋田壽賀子 精采語錄】
◎跟親戚、鄰居之間，盡合理的義務就夠了
只和自己想真心交往的人維持關係，生活應該會更美好。請先釐清對自己最重要的到底是什麼？ 這就是能讓你輕鬆活下去的秘訣。
◎夫婦不說話，不一定就是不和樂
意見合不合與感情好壞無關，夫妻吵架也是一種溝通；時常把「都是託你的福」掛嘴邊， 感恩和讚美就是夫妻關係的潤滑劑。
◎別等臨終才來「立遺囑」
不管是財產分配或葬禮想要如何辦，都一定要遺囑中寫清楚，並且年年拿出來檢視或修正。 本人如果不在生前交代清楚，反而會造成後代爭議的起火點。
◎認定人本來就不同，就會發現對方的優點
對兒媳婦，如果從開始就不喜歡，那麼就算她有優點，相信你也會看不到。
問題是無論是誰，多少都有優點，最重要的是認真地找出這個人的優點，然後承認和接受它。
◎別期待靠孩子過活！
照理說年輕的夫婦資金不夠買房子，替他們蓋房子也沒什麼。問題是，不是送給他們錢，而是借給他們。 即使是親子關係也要打契約，讓他們每個月攤還借出去的錢。 換句話說自己要下功夫，想辦法有錢可以過富裕的退休生活。
◎要有勇氣「討厭時就直說」
拒絕之後，可能有人會說「那個人好冷漠」，不過漫長的人生中，這只是小事一樁而已，不必太在意。 因為在意別人的批評，結果卻不能過著自己想過的生活，這樣不是很無趣嗎？
◎人生只此一回，想去那就去吧！
旅行不一定要完全照著行程表前進，看眼前什麼是最重要的，想清楚再做，事後才不會後悔，人生亦然。 埋首工作之餘，別忘留意四周美景，活在當下才是旅行的意義。
沒有期待，更容易與人相處 文．日本國寶劇作家橋田壽賀子
你也想要擁有這樣的晚年嗎？那你可能要從年輕時代，就要能夠找到自己所喜歡的工作， 並且專注埋首其中，長年累月下來，你必然能夠我行我素，無所牽掛，暫時把告一個段落的工作丟下，環遊世界去。
日本國寶劇作家橋田壽賀子，在經典戲劇《阿信》和《冷暖人間》中，用筆鋒刻劃出無數悲喜交織的人生， 讓影迷為之動容；這次，她將用情感真摯的文字，娓娓道出自己的人生體悟，是獻給亞洲讀者的最好禮物！
【 書摘試閱】 文．橋田壽賀子
不倚靠孩子的生活方式
處理人際關係時，因為有所期待，因而傾盡心力對待對方，結果認為自己「遭到對方背叛」的人好像很多。
其中最嚴重的對象多數是自己的孩子。因為認定將來需要孩子照顧的期待心理驅使，導致拚命地寵愛孩子。
有些父母單方面想著「將來要讓孩子照顧自己」，然後建造兩代同居的住宅。但是與兒子夫婦幾乎很少接觸， 於是又發出「不應該是這樣的啊」等抱怨的想法，這樣的人比預料中還要多。
這些人當中有些會因為心中很在意，而偷窺兒子夫婦的生活，然後說些「昨天有人送糖果給他們， 竟然沒分給我」或者「自己吃火鍋，也不叫我」，盡是想些瑣碎的事。
要糖果可以自己買呀！兒子和媳婦自己吃火鍋，你也可以找好吃的東西慰勞自己，不時招待朋友一起過 快樂的生活。針對每件瑣事去留意兒子夫婦的生活，因此每天活在怨恨的心情裡，最後還是不能解決任何問題啊！
過度期待會認為自己遭到背叛
其實，希望孩子在你有事的時候能照顧你，這種想法本身就是錯誤。當你對孩子有過度的期待時， 很容易就會將這種心情轉化，認為孩子背叛你。
但是對孩子們來說，他們根本不認為這是背叛。事前也沒跟你商談，也沒有約定，他們完全不了解雙親的想法。
於是你就抱怨「期待他十項，他只做到五項」事實難道不是這樣嗎？
因此，改掉這種想法就沒事了。把一開始的期待放在零上面，因為是零期待所以你不會抱怨「他只做到五項」 而是改口「他竟然做到五項」的想法。
如果你到現在才說出「我蓋房子給你們住」「我替你們付買公寓的頭期款」這種好像要從事等值交換的條件， 也只能得到不滿的心情而已。
照理說年輕的夫婦資金不夠買房子，替他們蓋房子也沒什麼。問題是，不是送給他們錢，而是借給他們。 即使是親子關係也要打契約，讓他們每個月攤還借出去的錢。 換句話說自己要下功夫，想辦法有錢可以過富裕的退休生活。
如果你還是覺得孩子很可憐，實在不忍心，那就將他們還的錢存在銀行裡，以後再給他們。 重要的是必需守住人與人之間的「分際」而已。
如果你一直有一搭沒一搭地支援孩子，孩子就會被你寵壞而沒有辦法獨立。
一直把孩子當成自己的東西看，孩子就習慣被寵，因為孩子喜歡受寵就覺得開心， 這樣的父母也是無法獨立的父母。
孩子是孩子，我是我
總之，我的觀點是即使你跟家人同住，還是要秉持「基本上你還是一個人」的意識。
「過了二十歲的兒女就是屬於社會的，養兒育女的任務結束後，你也要回歸社會」這就是我的想法。
在所謂的少子化（孩子少，父母老）的現代社會，每一個孩子的花費的確明顯增加了。
每一家的父母親都很自然地想，只要是為了孩子就該盡量去做。但是，還是應該
避免為孩子花費太多金錢。
我的話好像很無情，我一直認為，建立孩子大學畢業後，應該還給父母大學學費的制度，應該是很好的作法。
父母可以替孩子出高中為止的學費，但是孩子如果大學畢業成了社會人士，就應該將大學學費分期攤還給父母。
如果這樣做，孩子腦中就有獨立的意識會萌芽。再說從父母的角度不得不考慮，如果自己一生中賺的錢 全都花在孩子上，孩子長大離去之後，自己還有很長的日子要過，生活可能變得很困難。
對父母親而言，孩子獨立的時候，也正是再度回復自我的時候，也因此，
我勸大家一定要花點錢在重新培育自己、讓自己成長這件事情上。
如果父母與孩子雙方都能獨立，這一來就可以彼此協助和慰勞。親子間談錢並非是污濁或無情的行為， 我們不應該有這種意識。如果為人父母或子女的人不能夠從頭修正自己的生活觀， 當然就不可能找到自己想要的幸福。
因此我認為，必須從黏黏膩膩的親子關係中脫身，過清爽乾脆的親子生活，才能確保好的心情。
【橋田壽賀子 精采語錄】
◎跟親戚、鄰居之間，盡合理的義務就夠了
只和自己想真心交往的人維持關係，生活應該會更美好。請先釐清對自己最重要的到底是什麼？ 這就是能讓你輕鬆活下去的秘訣。
◎夫婦不說話，不一定就是不和樂
意見合不合與感情好壞無關，夫妻吵架也是一種溝通；時常把「都是託你的福」掛嘴邊， 感恩和讚美就是夫妻關係的潤滑劑。
◎別等臨終才來「立遺囑」
不管是財產分配或葬禮想要如何辦，都一定要遺囑中寫清楚，並且年年拿出來檢視或修正。 本人如果不在生前交代清楚，反而會造成後代爭議的起火點。
◎認定人本來就不同，就會發現對方的優點
對兒媳婦，如果從開始就不喜歡，那麼就算她有優點，相信你也會看不到。
問題是無論是誰，多少都有優點，最重要的是認真地找出這個人的優點，然後承認和接受它。
◎別期待靠孩子過活！
照理說年輕的夫婦資金不夠買房子，替他們蓋房子也沒什麼。問題是，不是送給他們錢，而是借給他們。 即使是親子關係也要打契約，讓他們每個月攤還借出去的錢。 換句話說自己要下功夫，想辦法有錢可以過富裕的退休生活。
◎要有勇氣「討厭時就直說」
拒絕之後，可能有人會說「那個人好冷漠」，不過漫長的人生中，這只是小事一樁而已，不必太在意。 因為在意別人的批評，結果卻不能過著自己想過的生活，這樣不是很無趣嗎？
◎人生只此一回，想去那就去吧！
旅行不一定要完全照著行程表前進，看眼前什麼是最重要的，想清楚再做，事後才不會後悔，人生亦然。 埋首工作之餘，別忘留意四周美景，活在當下才是旅行的意義。
My secret stimulation plan
Dear American Taxpayer,
For only the second time in my adult life, I am not ashamed of my country. I want to thank the hard working American people for paying $242 thousand dollars for my vacation in Spain.
My daughter Sasha, several long-time family friends, my personal staff and various guests had a wonderful time. Honestly, you just haven't lived until you have stayed in a $2,500.00 per night private 3-story villa at a 5-Star luxury hotel.
Thank you also for the use of Air Force Two and the 70 Secret Service personnel who tagged along to be sure we were safe and cared for at all times. By the way, if you happen to be visiting the Costa del Sol, I highly recommend the Buenaventura Plaza restaurant in Marbella; great lobster with rice and oysters! I'm ashamed to admit the lobsters we ate in Martha's Vineyard were not quite as tasty, but what can you do if you're not in Europe, you have to just grin and bear it?
Air Force Two (which costs $11,351 per hour to operate according to Government Accounting Office reports) only used 47,500 gallons of jet fuel for this trip and carbon emissions were a mere 1,031 tons of CO2. These are only rough estimates, but they are close. That's quite a carbon footprint as my good friend Al Gore would say, so we must ask the American citizens to drive smaller, more fuel efficient cars and drive less too, so we can lessen our combined carbon footprint.
I know times are hard and millions of you are struggling to put food on the table and trying to make ends meet. So I do appreciate your sacrifices and do hope you find work soon.
I was really exhausted after Barack took our family on a luxury vacation in Maine a few weeks ago. I just had to get away for a few days.
Cordially,
Michelle (Moochelle) Obama
P.S. Thank you as well for the $2 BILLION dollar trip to India from which we
just returned!
P.SS. Thank you, too, for that vacation trip to Martha's Vineyard; it was fabulous. And thanks for that second smaller jet that took our dog Bo to Martha's Vineyard so we and the children could have him with us while we were away from the White House for eleven days. After all, we couldn't take him on Air Force One because he might pee on some wires or something.
P.SSS. Oh, I almost forgot to say thanks also for our two-week trip to Hawaii at Christmas. That 7,000 square foot house was great!
Love ya!
Remember we all have to share the pain of these economic times equally!
For only the second time in my adult life, I am not ashamed of my country. I want to thank the hard working American people for paying $242 thousand dollars for my vacation in Spain.
My daughter Sasha, several long-time family friends, my personal staff and various guests had a wonderful time. Honestly, you just haven't lived until you have stayed in a $2,500.00 per night private 3-story villa at a 5-Star luxury hotel.
Thank you also for the use of Air Force Two and the 70 Secret Service personnel who tagged along to be sure we were safe and cared for at all times. By the way, if you happen to be visiting the Costa del Sol, I highly recommend the Buenaventura Plaza restaurant in Marbella; great lobster with rice and oysters! I'm ashamed to admit the lobsters we ate in Martha's Vineyard were not quite as tasty, but what can you do if you're not in Europe, you have to just grin and bear it?
Air Force Two (which costs $11,351 per hour to operate according to Government Accounting Office reports) only used 47,500 gallons of jet fuel for this trip and carbon emissions were a mere 1,031 tons of CO2. These are only rough estimates, but they are close. That's quite a carbon footprint as my good friend Al Gore would say, so we must ask the American citizens to drive smaller, more fuel efficient cars and drive less too, so we can lessen our combined carbon footprint.
I know times are hard and millions of you are struggling to put food on the table and trying to make ends meet. So I do appreciate your sacrifices and do hope you find work soon.
I was really exhausted after Barack took our family on a luxury vacation in Maine a few weeks ago. I just had to get away for a few days.
Cordially,
Michelle (Moochelle) Obama
P.S. Thank you as well for the $2 BILLION dollar trip to India from which we
just returned!
P.SS. Thank you, too, for that vacation trip to Martha's Vineyard; it was fabulous. And thanks for that second smaller jet that took our dog Bo to Martha's Vineyard so we and the children could have him with us while we were away from the White House for eleven days. After all, we couldn't take him on Air Force One because he might pee on some wires or something.
P.SSS. Oh, I almost forgot to say thanks also for our two-week trip to Hawaii at Christmas. That 7,000 square foot house was great!
Love ya!
Remember we all have to share the pain of these economic times equally!
Being an Asian
OK, for those of you who AREN'T Asian, this is a look into how OUR lives ran and for those of you who are - I KNOW this is TOTALLY familiar to YOU! Enjoy!
Subject: TOP TEN REASONS WHY THERE WON'T BE AN ASIAN PRESIDENT ANYTIME SOON
10. White House not big enough for in-laws.
9. Engineering, medicine, and law always preferred over politics.
8. Oval Office has bad feng shui.
7. Can't find decent roast duck inside the beltway.
6. Secret Service can't handle nagging from mother.
5. Dignitaries generally intimidated by chopsticks at state dinners.
4. No chance for promotion.
3. Lactose intolerance not considered politically correct.
2. Senior aides won't take off shoes before coming in.
1. Air Force One: No frequent flyer miles.
HOW TO BE THE PERFECT ASIAN AMERICAN PARENT?
( From the second generation perspective)
1. Be a little more lenient on the 7:00 p.m. curfew.
2. Don't ask where the other point went when your child comes home with a "B" grade on his/her report card.
3. Don't "ai-yah" (= Oh My God!) loudly at your kid's dress habits.
4. Don't blatantly hint about the merits of Habad (Harvard), Yeil(Yale), Purinsiton (Princeton), or Stamfud (Stanford).
5. Don't reveal all the intimate details of your kid's life to the entire Asian community.
6. Don't ask your child, "What are you going to do with your life?" if he/she majors in a non-science field.
7. Don't give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of bangs.
8. Don't try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of their poor taste or inept social skills.
9. Incorporate other phrases besides, "Did you study yet?" or "When are you getting married?" into your daily conversations with your children.
10. Don't ask all your kid's friends over the age of 21 if they have a boy/girlfriend yet.
50 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU'RE AN "ASIAN" The NEW List from the 1st to 1.5 Generation Perspective
1. You were/are a good student with very high GPAs.
2. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine, teaching or finance.
3. You have more than one college degrees, especially more than one Master's.
4. If you play a musical instrument, it must be piano.
5. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
6. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.
7. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
8. You beat eggs with chopsticks.
9. You always leave outdoor shoes at the door.
10. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack or extended cabinet.
11. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
12. You boil water before drinking.
13. You eat all meals in the kitchen to keep your dining room clean.
14. You don't use measuring cups when preparing foods.
15. You save grocery bags and use them to hold garbage.
16. You have a rice cooker.
17. You're a wok user.
18. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
19. You wash rice 2-3 times before cooking it.
20. You make sounds when you have a bowl of soup.
21. You don't dry-clean clothes, even if they need to be dry-cleaned.
22. You iron your own shirts.
23. You like congee (Chinese porridge) with thousand year old eggs.
24. You always cook yourself, even if you hate it.
25. You use credit cards, and pay monthly bills IN FULL.
26. You keep most of your money in a savings account.
27. You buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
28. When you hand wash dishes, you only use cold water.
29. You hate to waste food -
a) even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.
b) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
30. You don't own any real Tupperware, only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
32. When toilet paper is on sale, you buy 100 rolls and store them.
33. You have a collection of miniature shampoo/conditioner bottles and little soap bars
that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
34. The condiments in your fridge are either Costco sized or come in plastic packets, which you save every time you get take out or go to McDonald's.
35. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
36. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table.
37. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.
38. When you go to a dance party, there is a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.
39. Your house/apartment is always cold in winter, and hot in summer.
40. Your mom drives her Mercedes to Costco, or Super Store regardless how far it is, even if Safeway or Co-op is next door
41. You always look phone numbers up in the phonebook, since calling Directory Assistance costs 75 cents.
42. You only make long distance calls after midnight or during weekends.
4 3. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and tails still attached.
44. You never call your parents just to say HI.
45. You think ONLY Japanese can make good cars!
46. You use a colored face cloth every morning.
47. You starve yourself before going to all-you-can-eat places.
48. You've joined a CD club at least once.
49. You never discuss your love life with your parents.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
50. You take this message and forward it to all your Asian friends!
Subject: TOP TEN REASONS WHY THERE WON'T BE AN ASIAN PRESIDENT ANYTIME SOON
10. White House not big enough for in-laws.
9. Engineering, medicine, and law always preferred over politics.
8. Oval Office has bad feng shui.
7. Can't find decent roast duck inside the beltway.
6. Secret Service can't handle nagging from mother.
5. Dignitaries generally intimidated by chopsticks at state dinners.
4. No chance for promotion.
3. Lactose intolerance not considered politically correct.
2. Senior aides won't take off shoes before coming in.
1. Air Force One: No frequent flyer miles.
HOW TO BE THE PERFECT ASIAN AMERICAN PARENT?
( From the second generation perspective)
1. Be a little more lenient on the 7:00 p.m. curfew.
2. Don't ask where the other point went when your child comes home with a "B" grade on his/her report card.
3. Don't "ai-yah" (= Oh My God!) loudly at your kid's dress habits.
4. Don't blatantly hint about the merits of Habad (Harvard), Yeil(Yale), Purinsiton (Princeton), or Stamfud (Stanford).
5. Don't reveal all the intimate details of your kid's life to the entire Asian community.
6. Don't ask your child, "What are you going to do with your life?" if he/she majors in a non-science field.
7. Don't give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of bangs.
8. Don't try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of their poor taste or inept social skills.
9. Incorporate other phrases besides, "Did you study yet?" or "When are you getting married?" into your daily conversations with your children.
10. Don't ask all your kid's friends over the age of 21 if they have a boy/girlfriend yet.
50 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU'RE AN "ASIAN" The NEW List from the 1st to 1.5 Generation Perspective
1. You were/are a good student with very high GPAs.
2. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine, teaching or finance.
3. You have more than one college degrees, especially more than one Master's.
4. If you play a musical instrument, it must be piano.
5. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
6. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.
7. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
8. You beat eggs with chopsticks.
9. You always leave outdoor shoes at the door.
10. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack or extended cabinet.
11. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
12. You boil water before drinking.
13. You eat all meals in the kitchen to keep your dining room clean.
14. You don't use measuring cups when preparing foods.
15. You save grocery bags and use them to hold garbage.
16. You have a rice cooker.
17. You're a wok user.
18. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
19. You wash rice 2-3 times before cooking it.
20. You make sounds when you have a bowl of soup.
21. You don't dry-clean clothes, even if they need to be dry-cleaned.
22. You iron your own shirts.
23. You like congee (Chinese porridge) with thousand year old eggs.
24. You always cook yourself, even if you hate it.
25. You use credit cards, and pay monthly bills IN FULL.
26. You keep most of your money in a savings account.
27. You buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
28. When you hand wash dishes, you only use cold water.
29. You hate to waste food -
a) even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.
b) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
30. You don't own any real Tupperware, only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
32. When toilet paper is on sale, you buy 100 rolls and store them.
33. You have a collection of miniature shampoo/conditioner bottles and little soap bars
that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
34. The condiments in your fridge are either Costco sized or come in plastic packets, which you save every time you get take out or go to McDonald's.
35. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
36. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table.
37. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.
38. When you go to a dance party, there is a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.
39. Your house/apartment is always cold in winter, and hot in summer.
40. Your mom drives her Mercedes to Costco, or Super Store regardless how far it is, even if Safeway or Co-op is next door
41. You always look phone numbers up in the phonebook, since calling Directory Assistance costs 75 cents.
42. You only make long distance calls after midnight or during weekends.
4 3. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and tails still attached.
44. You never call your parents just to say HI.
45. You think ONLY Japanese can make good cars!
46. You use a colored face cloth every morning.
47. You starve yourself before going to all-you-can-eat places.
48. You've joined a CD club at least once.
49. You never discuss your love life with your parents.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
50. You take this message and forward it to all your Asian friends!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)