What would Tiger do

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make,I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with only one other guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods.

To find out what the par is for this damn hole."

Men are happier

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal.... You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.


One mood all the time.


Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.


A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase... You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color.. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can do your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

father and son

A son asked his father, 'Dad, will you take part in a marathon with me?'
The father who, despite having a heart condition said 'yes.'
They went on to complete the marathon together.

Father and son went on to join other marathons, the father always saying 'yes' to his son's request of going through the race together.


One day, the son asked his father, 'Dad,let's join the Ironman together.'

To which, his father said 'yes' too.

For those who don't know, the Ironman is the toughest triathlon ever.

The race encompasses three endurance events of a 2..4 mile (3.86 kilometers) ocean swim, followed by a 112 mile (180.2 kilometers) bike ride, and ending with a 26.2 mile (42.195 kilometers) marathon along the coast of the Big Island .

The father and son went on to complete the race together.


NOW WATCH THIS VIDEO and view this race:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJMbk9dtpdY

Two blondes

1. Two blondes walked into a building... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

2. Phone answering machine message: '... If you want marijuana, press the hash key...'

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

5. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are too high..'

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in..

7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'…

8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.

9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

10. Our ice-cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands.. Police say that he topped himself.

11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says, 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'

12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.' 'Is it common? ' 'It's not unusual.'

13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' ' What? Because he's cross-eyed? 'No, because he's really heavy.'

14. Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside.' 'How's that?' the doctor asks. 'Don't you start' says the guy.

15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!

16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me, 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my Mum or my Dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The other one says 'So are you, you fat bast**d!'

20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

21. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.'

22. A man walked into the doctor's, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places.' The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore.'

She was so blonde

- At the bottom of an application where it says 'sign here' she wrote "Sagittarius".
- She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
- She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
- She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK".
- She tried to sort M&Ms alphabetically.
- She sold her car for petrol money.
- When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "airport left" she turned around and went home.
- When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
- She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
- She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evenings.

Onions and Christmas Trees

ONIONS & CHRISTMAS TREES

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?

The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are three kinds of Boobs:

In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm.

In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.

After 50, they are like onions'.

'Onions?'

'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, 'Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?.

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases.

In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree,
mighty and hard.

In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch,
flexible but reliable.

After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'

'A Christmas tree?'

'Yes - the root's dead and the balls are just for decoration.'

正在求偶的女士必看！

這是由命相學來看的.....男人的身上有幾處必須有肉：

鼻頭要有肉：鼻頭有肉的男人既有欲也有財，衣食無憂！

嘴唇要有肉：厚嘴唇的男人為人厚道，薄嘴唇的男人通常都很薄倖！

下巴要有肉：下巴有肉，除了可以讓你捏他下巴之外，他的晚年也會過得不錯，可以照顧你！

耳朵要有肉：耳大肥厚，是長壽的徵相，他長壽，就可以和你廝守終身，最幸福的就是可以比妳愛的人先死，他那麼長壽妳的願望不難達成！

臉頰要有肉：雙頰凹陷的男人不是太可怕嗎？

肩膀要有肉：可以讓妳舒舒服服的把下巴擱上去。

背脊要有肉：可以隨時背起妳！

胸前要有肉：可以挨得住女人幾拳！

手掌要有肉：手掌肥厚的男人會很有錢用，不用女人養他。

雙腿要有肉：兩條枯樹枝一樣的腿太沒有安全感了！

最重要的是屁股有肉：屁股大而有肉的男人最顧家，小屁股的男人多半靠不住！

他那顆心，當然也要是肉造的：肉造的心，才容易被妳打動。


*** 結論：



往下看.....









找隻豬準沒錯！

Video

Great from a girl who silenced the world in 5 minutes.

Pitying the rich

It is often astounding what people find worth defending.

Not that facts ever move anyone away from their beliefs of choice, I've nevertheless looked into the wealth distribution percentages;

• Ron Paul has this: http://www.dailypaul.com/node/111232
• Wikipedia has this and a host of source references to check out if you're leery of what you get on Wikipedia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Distribution_of_wealth

An interesting line was this one: In 2003, the 1% with the highest salaries paid more than 34% of the nation's federal income tax; the 10% with the highest salaries paid nearly 66% of the total income tax; the top 25% paid 84% of the income taxes; and the upper 50% accounted for nearly 97% of US income tax revenue, primarily because, as stated above, the bottom 40% had comparatively no wealth (less than 1%) to be taxed in the first place.^[19] The US has a progressive tax structure which taxes less for smaller incomes; correlating income taxation to wealth is misleading.

• The Wealth Divide http://multinationalmonitor.org/mm2003/03may/may03interviewswolff.html
• CEO-to-worker pay imbalance grows

http://www.epi.org/economic_snapshots/entry/webfeatures_snapshots_20060621/

• Executive Compensation vs. Workers http://financialservices.house.gov/ExecCompvsWorkers.html
• Open Left has an interesting little movie to illustrate the wealth divide. http://tinyurl.com/yaqh6gm

One could argue, I suppose, for economic natural selection – where those who make it do so because they are more fit and those who don't are low lifes deserving of their fate (i.e., the 40% who pathetically share 1% of the wealth). And it's not too painful to think that way if we simply close our eyes.

They aren't making much noise. They are, in fact, pretty close to invisible for those of us who have comparative wealth and comfort. But, if you want to see them, just pay attention.

Here's a way. Go to a grocery store – not to shop but to observe. Notice the person behind the Salvation Army bell doing his or her part for that group. Put a dollar in the bucket and they'll thank you and bless you for it – as though that dollar is anything to you. Now, go inside. Look at the faces of many of the customers. Notice them picking up an object and returning it to the shelf. Notice the tension or resignation in many of the faces. Look in the carts. Now, go stand behind the registers and casually watch as people check out. Listen too. You might get little clues such as, "Just swipe it as though it's a credit card." Good going, detective. You've just identified someone new to his food stamp card.

But, you'll see what you want to see, won't you? Like the fellow who saw a food kitchen with people standing outside it near a sign that advertised a job. What, he wondered, were they doing standing around with jobs available? He made up a story in his mind that reinforced his desire to see them as worthless individuals – and maybe he was right. Or, maybe they already had jobs but still needed a handout. Or maybe they had applied for several jobs and got nowhere because of their crummy interview skills or appearance. Or maybe they weren't recipients but volunteers taking a break. Or maybe they WERE bums. I don't know. I'll let the hard ass judge them however he needs to if he's to maintain the world view he finds comforting.. Me? I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and simply hope that they got fed if that's what they were there for. All I know is that I have no need to be in that line, so I have a helluva hard time playing hard ass with those who – for WHATEVER reason – do. Nobody chooses to fail. Many who fail do habitually make lousy choices. But, others have lousy karma. Either way, they don't wish it on themselves.

It's hopeless to write about this stuff. The audience falls into two camps – those who already agree and those who never will unless they personally fall hard. So it is that Dick Cheney, professional hard ass, is not so hard on gays as on so many others. Because his daughter is gay – and for no other reason – gay isn't something to bash for him. One wishes that he also had a son in the military. That might have changed recent history.

Most of us here are relatively wealthy. Not necessarily rich. But, I suspect that few if any of us are on food stamps or uninsured or under foreclosure. A few of us are probably quite wealthy (though, of course, not as wealthy as many others we know of). And most of us are pretty comfortable even if we aren't absolutely secure for the future.

Some of us, alas, respect wealth as though it is a measure. I've heard many praise Bill Gates even though his charitable endeavors don't come even close to affecting his ability to buy what he wants when he wants it for the rest of his life. No, he doesn't have to do it. Yes, it's great that he does (as opposed to, say, Donald Trump). But, I more admire the mother who called in to offer up $5 of her food stamps when she was listening to the stories of people in need during a money-for-food drive. That $5, had it been accepted. would have been not just a donation but a sacrifice. She didn't offer it because she had extra. She offered it because she was on the cusp of not getting by and, thereby, felt empathy for those who were NOT getting by. (This is no made up story. I was on the phone recording donations when she called in and happened to get my line. I refused the offer because she might well be risking the loss of the food stamps should it have come to light that she didn't use them as intended.) It depressed me to the point that I never volunteered again to work the phones.

I can neither understand nor readily stomach this defense of the rich -- as though taxing them is onerous to them. When I argued against torture during the Bush Administration, I argued alone. That wasn't worth joining in on for some of the same characters who now find it a moral imperative to protect the rights of the richest among us. (I argued against torture not because I give a damn about the twisted bastards that comprise the hate-filled extremists but because I don't trust any government to distinguish between true terrorists and mere suspects. And, in fact, we did torture and outsource yet more torture of some who proved innocent.) When I argue for the poor, I argue alone. But, the rich are finding defenders who haven't posted on anything else on this board. They get more sympathy in the topsy-turvy value system of some than the true victims of society.

With all due respect, there is little respect due to such misplaced concern. That concern, it seems obvious to me, needs to go to the 40% at the bottom of society who scrape by on no wealth at all.

It's just ugly.

Best,

Tom

Tom R.'s reply on redistribution of wealth

Tony,

Your sympathy for the rich folks forced from the U.S. for the lowest taxes they've paid in decades is misplaced. They're doing just fine. Also, your equation of them with golden geese is pretty astounding. The fact is that they've been, as a group, more like pigs feeding at the trough than golden geese selflessly providing the little people with glowing gift eggs of gold.. Were their taxes raised to the levels they were paying when Reagan was president, the argument that they are being put upon unduly would remain a ridiculous one. Those who most benefited from Bush's tax cuts (even as he lead us blindly to war) would not even notice they taxes except as lower tallies in the bank balances by which some measure their competitive success.

Sorry. I don't give a damn about those keeping score by looking at their balances. It's those who are trying to raise, provide for, and shelter their families that I concentrate on. Scare tactics about what the richest will do if they aren't treated like royalty should be sources of anger -- not fear.

I suggest that more appropriate objects of sympathy might be: a) the largely forgotten poor and b) those falling out the bottom of the middle class as their jobs have disappeared; those struggling to hang on by lowering their living standards as they find new jobs paying a fraction of their old jobs, c) those being devastated by health care bills they cannot pay -- many because they have no insurance and plenty more because their insurance proved woefully inadequate.

As for "reckless spending," I assume you're talking primarily about the unnecessary Iraq War that Bush refused to put on budget and for which he refused to levy taxes. That spending, it's legacy, and the pottery barn rule of Colin Powell (that is, "If you break it, you bought it.") were the back breakers when coupled with an irresponsible tax cut benefiting the top so that it could trickle down (via your golden eggs I guess). The SECOND wave of bailout spending that came under the Obama presidency came (the first was under Bush) was delivered with a gun at the temple -- "Do it or see a depression" was the threat echoed by virtually every economist across the political spectrum. Virtually the unanimous opinion at the time was: a) it had to be done and b) it had to be done quickly.

Now, we have the Republican revisionists and many of those who are frustrated and shocked by the debt that we've run up looking for scapegoats.

In hindsight, the stimulus certainly wasn't done well. Accountability was weak. Concessions weren't demanded. Some who should not have benefited (or benefited so fully) gained. The emphases were often wrong. And so on and on. I agree with many of these items wholeheartedly.

BUT. But, when a fireman grabs and carries someone from a burning building, it's always possible that he won't have first checked to see whether the person could be moved without causing harm. Possibly, in hindsight, there was time to secure the person in a stretcher and evidence that the stairway rather than the ladder would have been possible -- thereby avoiding the paralysis that ensued.

Maybe. But in emergency situations triage is necessary. Action has to be taken quickly and will, inevitably, involve a far lower standard of care than normal times would excuse. The perceived (and I think real) urgency of the moment changes the game but certainly leaves the door open for Monday morning quarterbacking.

I agree. We'll all be paying (and are paying in many instances) a price for years of bi-partisan bad decisions by those in charge . . . and by the politicians that they own as well. But, I have a helluva lot more sympathy for the firefighters than I do for those that set the blaze and a helluva lot more tolerance for those forced to do triage than I would during normal times.

For Republicans, taxes are the greatest evil of government. They aren't. The greatest evil is to sabotage government -- which sometimes includes the evil of starving it by NOT taxing. The recklessness of a guns and butter mentality has a clear-cut motive -- political expediency that appeals to the ignorant knee-jerk antipathy for paying as you go. The difference between today's two parties is that, when in power, the Democrats tax and spend; the Republicans, when in power, reduce taxes and spend just as freely.

Going forward, I hope that the Congress somehow shows the courage to demand a new tax to pay for our new level of commitment in Afghanistan. THAT will finally make the necessary DIRECT connection between our war policies and their consequences not just to families on military bases but to arm-chair generals in their comfortable living rooms -- safely removed from the bullets and explosions -- who have no stake in the war beyond wanting to see their ideologies prevail.

Sorry, Tony. The fact remains. The system strongly favors the wealthy to the point where even the more thoughtful and fair-minded of their ranks feel that they SHOULD bear more of the burden. My guess is that they, not the Rush Limbaughs, comprise most of those who contribute to the golden eggs with which you credit them. Warren Buffet, Ted Turner, and many of those alleged Hollywood elite, among others, are patriotic and fair-minded enough to acknowledge that they are paying LESS than their fair share.

Best,

Tom

-------

Hi Tony,

Were I writing on the other side of the issue, I'd "lose" the debate too. There just aren't sufficient language skills to make the case that a society's victims are its rich -- a very curious argument indeed!

Of course they should pay "their fair share" of taxes. Where the debate comes in is over what a fair share is. It's NOT an equal share. There is a difference between cutting out someone's bone and liposuction. A flat tax for all people, for example, has nothing "fair" to it. When 2% controls 90% of the country's wealth, that is one extreme. When the communists argue from each according to his ability to each according to his need is another extreme.

Guess what? We are now firmly lashed to the first extreme. It is as though 100 of us are sharing a lifeboat with 2 extremely muscular guys who are claiming 90% of the food and water and leaving the 10% for us to compete for -- arguing that they worked very hard on their bodies and that if we had done the same we, too, could be writing the rules. Some find their argument compelling!!!!

And seated next to me is Tony -- expressing his fears that we might unfairly take too much of their "fair share" from them. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArrrrrrrrrrgggggggh.

Good grief, Tony. Stop worrying about the muscled duo or the dream you have of becoming one of them. It ain't going to happen. Again, they're doing fine. Stop worrying about them and start worrying about the 98%. Or even yourself since you're arguing against your own best interest (in the hope of getting one of those mythical golden eggs!)

Strawman: "You're arguing for wealth redistribution."

Me: "To a degree, yes. They already redistributed it -- from the middle class to themselves. Pushing the pendulum our way isn't killing capitalism. It's putting the breaks on government of, by, and for the privileged few.

There is a HUGE expanse between a communist kind of wealth redistribution and today's plutocracy. The two extremes are not on a line but on a bracelet that has a small gap between the two extreme ends. We need to move considerably left just to reach the center -- away from corporatism and its increasingly brutal financial Darwinism (capitalism run amuck).

Best,

Tom

How the wealth should be re-disbuted

With the reckless spending and bailouts, we'll see more taxes and many
generations have to pay for them.

1. Will be higher.
2. Inflation, a kind of invisible taxes.

2010 could be the last year for low tax rates for long term capital taxes for a
while.

Some rich folks may be forced to have their residence outside US to avoid taxes.
Some have done so already. We could be killing the geese that lay the golden
eggs.

Beside inheritance, most rich folks get their wealth by working hard and taking
chances. They should pay their fair share of taxes, nothing more and nothing
less. Most donate part of the wealth to charities like Gates and Buffett
(helping the poor in Africa). I prefer we do so voluntarily instead of letting
the government mis-allocating our wealth like going to wars.

7%

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, columnist for The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio.

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:"

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5.. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone..
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17 Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".
26. Always choose life.
27. Forgive everyone everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
32. Believe in miracles.
33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
36. Your children get only one childhood.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41. The best is yet to come.
42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
43. Yield.
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

It's estimated 93% won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will, forward this with the title '7%'. I'm in the 7%. Remember that I will always share my spoon with you! Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.

2009 Chrimsas Joke

2009's First Christmas Joke Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. 'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.' The man from Nova Scotia fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said. 'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said. The man from Saskatchewan reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.' Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'. The Newfoundlander started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?' The Newfie replied, 'These are Carols.' And So The Christmas Season Begins......

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Here's to us

No matter what our kids and the new generation think about us,

WE ARE AWESOME !!!!

OUR LIFE IS LIVING PROOF !!!!

To Those of Us Born

1930 - 1979

At the end of this email is a quote of the month by Jay Leno.. If you don't read anything else, please

read what he said.

Very well stated, Mr. Leno.

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE

1930's, 40's, 50's,

60's and 70's!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and didn't get tested for diabetes..

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered

with bright colored lead-base paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes,

we had baseball caps

not helmets on our heads.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.

Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and no one actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And, we weren't overweight.. WHY?

Because we were always outside playing...that's why!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on..

No one was able to reach us all day. And, we were OKAY.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps

and then ride them down the hill,

only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem

We did not have Play stations, Nintendo's and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's,

no surround-sound or CD's,

no cell phones,

no personal computers,

no Internet and no chat rooms..

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents..
We would get spankings with wooden spoons, switches, ping pong paddles, or just a bare hand and no one would call child services to report abuse.

We ate worms and mud pies

made from dirt, and

the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not poke out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team.

Those who didn't had to learn

to deal with disappointment.

Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best

risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

If YOU are one of them, CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good.

While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were..

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it ?

~

The quote of the month is by

Jay Leno:

'With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?'

For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us...go ahead and delete this.

For the rest of us...pass this on.

「初老」讀完會心一笑

\

「初老」讀完會心一笑

項次前紅色標記者，是我有同感的；「老的朋友們」您有同感的是更多或較少?

發現「初老」這個詞，是在「古田敦也」的部落格，一篇名之為「託大家的福，迎接初老來臨！」

初老，這個詞，真是有趣，但也有很多感觸。年齡就是這麼一回事，

20歲生日的時候，覺得自己老了；

30歲生日的時候，也覺得自己老了；

40歲生日的時候，當然就更老了。

所以30歲的人，回頭看那些20歲的人喊什麼青春不再，不免嘀咕，靠夭啥啦；

而40歲的人，看到那些鬼叫啥30宣言的，也會在心裡幹譙，30歲是有啥好哀怨的啦！
要自己接受老的事實，其實是很殘酷的，但「老」的來勢洶洶，也應該有類似「轉大人」「轉骨」那樣的適應期。

不知不覺，初老的跡象一天一天滲透，外表，心態，生理，心理的，就好像古田敦也形容的，

15年前看「東京愛情故事」的織田裕二，為何過了15年了，還是一樣年初老，其實是有跡可尋的，

譬如……>

01、身旁陸續出現有一堆人喊你「XX哥」「XX姐」，但其實很想叫他們閉嘴>

02、發現同事的年齡與自己的距離從5歲、擴大到10歲，15歲……>

03、開始懷疑比自己年齡大的人，是不是都跑到外星球去了>

04、以前可以唱KTV到天亮，現在只要熬夜一天，就會累一個禮拜>

05、只要坐下來，小腹就有一癱肉>

06、開始注意維骨力和維他命E的行情>

07、躺在沙發看八點檔連續劇會熟睡30分鐘以上>

08、覺得五分埔與路邊攤的T恤都是給紙片人穿的>

09、以前煩惱青春痘，現在煩惱小細紋>

10、除非參加清早晨運的甩手功或廟會朝山活動，否則很難找到比自己年齡大的聚會>

11、對於陌生網友的「我們可以交朋友嗎？」說法，覺得無比愚蠢而沒有耐心

12、認識新朋友的速度與機率逐漸鈍化>

13、對於沒有結論的冗長會議充滿厭惡>

14、越來越覺得專家說法都是唬爛>

15、已經放棄「All YOU CAN E AT」這種吃到飽的把戲了>

16、如果一天沒有吃綠色蔬菜就會覺得身體怪怪的>

17、莫名其妙就會一大早醒過來>

18、逐漸沒有耐心替爛朋友收爛攤了>

19、越來越不喜歡改變「已經習慣的習慣」>

20、很討厭在外面過夜，因為要帶好多東西>

21、不知不覺，隨身攜帶溫水壺和牙線棒>

22、懶得交新朋友的原因，是因為懶得從頭交代自己的人生>

23、越久以前發生的事情越是記得，越近的事情反而容易忘記>

24、總是把「重要的東西」放在「重要的地方」，然後把那個「重要的地方」徹底忘記>

25、覺得自己快要被一堆密碼和一堆遙控器淹沒了>

26、每次看到某某歌手某某影星過世的消息，就要感嘆一次，我們的時代過去了！

27、60頻道以後的電影台播放的舊電影，會忍不住一口氣看完>

28、說你看過「東京愛情故事」，知道完治與莉香，周遭一片嘩然>

29、朋友們離婚的（數量/年度）開始超越結婚的（數量/年度）>

30、對於星座、運勢、紫微斗數、塔羅牌、兩性專家與勵志書，已經沒有感覺

31、對於磁場不對的人，可以毫無牽掛的跟他說再見、再見、再見…>

32、參加告別式的機率比婚禮多，包白包的機會比包紅包的機會多>

33、再也不覺得年輕辣妹是一種天上掉下來的幸福>

34、以前糟蹋身體， 現在被身體糟蹋>

35、開始注意醫藥新聞，譬如銀杏是不是可以預防老年痴呆>

36、對於年輕朋友不讓座這件事情會非常介意>

37、對於手機鈴聲開始感覺不耐煩>

38、逛超市買東西，會注意成分與製造商和賞味期限>

39、對超商的集點活動完全沒興趣>

40、對路邊的NuSkin問卷部隊非常有意見>

41、對詐騙集團開始產生周旋的戰鬥力>

42、逐漸喜歡到傳統市場買菜>

43、最討厭聽到「如果你不怎樣，就不能怎樣」這種威脅>

44、再也不相信政治人物「替鄉親服務」這種屁話>

45、對於百貨公司週年慶已經沒什麼衝刺的慾望了>

46、報紙影劇版報導的明星大部分都不認識>

47、KTV熱門點播排行榜的歌曲完全不會唱>

48、當紅的偶像歌手大部分都不認識>

49、對於RAP一點好感都沒有>

50、枕頭旁邊，電腦鍵盤旁邊，出現一堆萬金油、白花油、綠油精等提神藥方

Butt measurement

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the

Man looks over at his wife and says: 'Your butt is getting really big,

I mean reeeally big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.'

With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the

Grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured

His wife's bottom.

'Yes, I was right; your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!'

The woman chose to ignore her husband.

Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky.

He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him

Off 'What's wrong?' he asks. ..............................

She answers:

'Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little sausage'

When You Rearrange The Letters

PRESBYTERIAN When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER
DESPERATION When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS
DORMITORY When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM
SLOT MACHINES When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z'S
A DECIMAL POINT When you rearrange the letters: I'M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE
MOTHER-IN-LAW When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

Painting in Beijing

紐約藝術博覽會上一幅題為『2008 - 北京』的油畫 - 看解釋才精采 .... 紐約藝術博覽會上一幅題為『2008 - 北京』的油畫： 1 背景 : 陰雲密布 - 2008年的台海局勢撲朔迷離，陰雲密布。 2 主畫面 : 4個成年人在開賭局。1個小女孩在場外 - 東亞地區的賭盤上，實際上是4個大國在玩，台灣不是參與者。而這次的遊戲方式是東方式的麻將。 3 賭局的布局 : 兩個金髮女子與兩個黑髮女子 - 中美是對家，日俄是配角，4個人身份很明顯。 穿衣服的是美國。 左：日本。 背對畫面的是中國。 躺著的是俄羅斯。 站著拿刀的小孩是台灣。 4 衣服 : 4個人身上的衣服代表實力。美國上身齊全，下身裸體，在檯面上實力最強，而台下一絲不掛。中國在檯面上一絲不掛，在檯面下實力卻最強。日本整個一絲不掛，沒任何實力。而俄羅斯只有一個遮羞布。 5 神態和動作 : 中國背對，看不出神態。但是是最關專注於賭局的，而背地裡藏著2張牌,其中一張是俄羅斯串通得到的。日本在自我陶醉， 整個賭桌上最白痴的一個，關心賭局，並自我感覺自信滿滿。俄羅斯躺倒，把腿搭在美國身上，而且牌是相公，代表俄羅斯因為無關輸贏，表面上是自己不想玩了，但俄羅斯明裡和美國有瓜葛，暗裡卻給中國遞牌。 美國的神態在看著台灣，不太關注牌局，而且雙手放頭後申懶腰，表明美國已經比較疲憊，美國考慮的是值不值得玩下去的問題，而不是怎麼玩的問題。 除了美國之外三方都光著上身，暗示實力弱於美國。 美國表面上不看牌桌，其實在看她的另一張牌：台灣。 日本自鳴得意，就等著攤牌。 中國除了明擺著一副東風（“東風”啊），背後還有牌。 俄羅斯表面裝作不想玩，其實一腳踩美國，一手拉中國。 台灣一手握刀，已經快脫光了（僅用水果擋著）。 台灣嚴重關注賭局，果盤代表利益，手拿小刀想保護自己的利益。台灣的衣服是中國式的，代表暗示台灣才是中華正統。而大陸只是在身上有鳳凰的紋身，下面卻穿西方衣服，代表大陸外在西化，內在滿清化的趨勢。 _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 北京將舉辦奧運會，即 Olympic Games。這幅畫中也是 Game，卻是中國的傳統 Game - 麻將。這些女子，代表著全球化競技場上的博弈者。 解讀一：畫的左上角，是一幅標準像，乍看上去，熟悉又不熟悉，那是孫中山的鬍子，蔣介石的光頭，毛澤東的五官新組合的標準像。它象徵著中國上一百年的歷史，或者說是舊民主主義和新民主主義的全部。 解讀二：畫的左面，是一個最天真和最聚精會神打麻將的女孩，她為抓了一手好牌而暗中慶幸。 中間背影的女子，開了一個東風明槓，這象徵著當前不可無視的事實 - 中國在崛起。 然那女子有些不規矩的小動作。 解讀三：中間女子是美國，背後紋著鳳凰的女子是中國，側面正在認真考慮出什麼牌的亞洲女為日本，另一個躺著的是俄國。中國女子碰了東風並不意味崛起，只是表達 "做東" 的意思。而俄國女郎也並不是信心全無的 "相公"。仔細觀察一下她的姿態就會發現，很顯然，她是在趁日美不注意，和中國女郎偷換牌。這正是換牌的瞬間，所以她桌上的牌少了 一張。而旁邊那個拿刀的小女孩，明顯發現了這一切。她的視線停留在正準備把牌偷偷塞給俄國女的中國女臉上。美國女人，似乎已從小女孩的表情中發現了什麼…… 事實上畫面裏中、美、俄都在參與作弊，只有日本女孩不知情在暗爽，就是說拍桌上博弈的四方日本才是陪打，牌搭子而已。 盆裏的水果意味很明顯，當然是代表台灣的地區利益。 台灣之所以一身純正中國式的裝扮，是因為最後的中國傳統在台灣。 台灣手裏是一把餐刀，這大概是個雙關，一是表示不管誰攫取了台灣的利益，台灣都只能乖乖的為之切水果；第二聯繫到小姑娘的表情，那把餐刀（代表她的防衛能力），就是對她利益最後的一點防禦了。 另外，喜歡美國的表情，看著台灣，一副又關心又不知道該怎麼辦的樣子；而台灣站在一旁冷眼觀看，對幾個家夥弄鬼看得一清二楚，可自己不在局中，卻又什麼都不能說。 配合日本妞傻乎乎的認真樣子，和中國小妹妹狡黠的背影。加上背景十分陰暗詭異。 解讀四: 注意看了下: 中間只露出背影的女孩身上紋的是傳統的中國鳳凰，但身上所穿的卻是西洋蕾絲衣物。是不是在說明現在的中國是 "中學為體，西學為用"？ 外面的場景應該是暗示台灣海峽，陰雲密布暗示緊張形勢。 台灣女孩不是在盯作弊，她盯的是中國女孩的臉，美國女孩盯著台灣女孩的臉，俄羅斯女孩也在盯著中國；三個人的表情都很有深意。日本女孩只看自己的牌，很投入也很滿意。 中、美、日、俄之間利益複雜，日本雖然捲了進去但只關心自己的利益。 西方一般認為國民黨民國政府是中國民族主義政府。這個解釋了台灣的傳統肚兜，似乎也在說 2008 年大勢還是在民國立場而不是台灣國立場。 美國也沒強多少；君不見，她雖然穿了衣服但沒穿褲子？！但是她穿得最多！而且她的這種神情似乎也在考慮這局是不是要脫衣服了，因為中國女子在作弊，而俄羅斯已經是陪太子讀書，只求不放炮了，打的時間越久，危險越大！ 中國卻希望通過不正當競爭，爭取必勝！ 日本看樣子，是根本不知道裏面的凶險，儘管她好象已經輸光了！ 而且大家應該注意，中國的上下家是日本和俄羅斯，美國只是對家而已！中國只能和日本、俄羅斯發生直接的利益衝突，美國卻是隔岸觀火，但是也有放炮的可能！ 不過，贏家是美國，因為她們的規矩是，誰輸了誰就要脫一件衣服！ 日本可是衣服褲子都沒穿 輸到底了這樣，日本已經沒有籌碼了，如果輸了，就徹底退出比賽！贏了，還可以繼續留下來！ 俄羅斯只能自保，輸了還能打一場，也就是說還有機會！ 美國和中國有優勢，但是如果是一個輸了話，而無論剩下的是哪一位都是最強的了，而輸的一方和俄羅斯相比，是同樣的檔次了！ 這局可以是最後一局，也可以是新的一局的前奏！