Tuesday, August 4, 2009

A Nation of No Losers

* A Nation of No Losers *

We do not let you be a loser!
Your mistakes will be rewarded handsomely.

When you bought a clunker that you should not have, we give you $4,500.
When you bought a mansion that you cannot afford, we're going to bail you out.
When you bought any inefficient appliance or anything, we'll pay you no matter how old they are.

When you lost your job, we extend your benefit.

When you do not have saving, we give you free health care.
When you have saving or a job, we take away your health care.

Teenagers, the more babies you have, the more benefits you have.
Drunk drivers, no one will prosecute you as the entire jury and even the judge are drunk.
Old ladies, your driver's license is also a license to kill.
Black kids, special pass to go to college and jobs.
Prisoners, you will get the flu shots first and free dental care.
Fatsos, do not worry as our up-coming drugs will melt all your fat while you sleep.


All athletes are rewarded with millions for taking drugs.
We voice loudly and disapprovingly on foreign athletes doing same.
It is an America invention!

When you cheated billions, you can retire in a resort-like 'prison'.
Also, the billions your wife hid is hers - no questions asked.

No other developed country lets their citizens own guns.
NRA and his puppet politicians will give you millions of funny 'reasons'.

When your company fails, we bail it out.
The executives are rewarded with bailout money for bringing down a company.

You die penniless, we give you $500.
You die with millions, we share your wealth.

The small catch.
We need you to re-elect us in 4 years.

The children cannot vote today, so let's pass our debts to them.
China does not have a voice here, so let's pass all the blames to them.

Even the entire world agree with us.
Our president is awarded the Nobel prize for doing nothing for peace, so why you need to work hard?

11 comments:

  1. I can write one on China. China and US are just two extremes. Hope each will choose middle ground.

    Health care on China: If you do not pay, you die. Just one of the many examples I can think of. Depending on whether you’re a China basher or a China apologist (see another post), you will poke some fun on them.

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  2. The US’s health care system has 2 bad features:
    1. high legal fees due to high reward in malpractices (10% to 25% depending on which report you read). The lawyers here will gladly assist you with all the info., haha.

    2. taking care of illegals and the poor that could bankrupt the hospitals (Steve can expand this in his tribe in Calif. and see whether the hospitals will be reimbursed with IOUs – that’s why CA is a primitive tribe where no money has been invented, haha).

    A lot of folks including some famous die waiting for treatments in Canada. EU handles it better but varies from country to country. German’s bill is about half that of US and then the government pay for most of it (so is Mass. if you meet the low income guideline.)

    From my blog on health care: http://tonyp4joke.blogspot.com/2009/03/universal-health-care.html

    I can help the US hospitals by outsourcing their services in Thailand (take a vacation at the same time), China…Everybody wins!

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  3. Steve says:

    @ TonyP4: Last year my wife’s cousin’s son who is an M.D. paid 50% ($350,000) of his earnings in insurance coverage. That’s ridiculous. Most of what he’s doing is kidney stone removal which is not exactly life threatening.

    One of the couples we know here are now living in Shenzhen and the wife had gone to the hospital in Pudong for some treatment while visiting Shanghai. She said it was as modern a hospital as she has ever seen, the doctors were all trained in the States and she paid very little as compared to the States. Of course she paid in cash.

    Sorry Tony, we can’t outsource services to Thailand; can’t seem to leave the country when the airports shut down because people are trying to overthrow the government. We could outsource to China but the passengers would be quarantined if someone on the plane had a slight fever for fear of the swine flu so the really sick ones would die. Maybe we can send them all to Canada??? Oh, but then they’d all have to wait six months for treatment. How about Tijuana? Drugs are cheap but it’s hard to avoid being kidnapped. Seems like there’s no easy solution. :(

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  5. Hi Pub_Ster, it is not a poem. I use one sentence for each idea, so even Obama can follow.

    Hi Steve, of course there are solutions and that’s why Obama got the big buck.

    - Thailand is still a solution. We just have to pay the protesters to let our plane in. Money talks. The biggest benefit is even if you die, you still go to heaven with Thai massage. You can also ask for two beautiful ladies, one for traditional and one for bodyly for the price of peanuts.

    - China and Canada solution. In either case, you die so your disease is cured automatically.

    - I like Mexico (it’s a rock throw for you). It really depends which one is more life threatening, the disease or the kidnapping.

    With the communication, the most effective way is to use remote doctors. It will not help the airline industry but I can have a ton of jokes for lost translation like politically incorrectly cutting the right foot of a leftist…

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  6. HKer says:

    What about Cuba?

    My guess is Obama will ’solve’ the US heath care crisis when he “traded 50 years of anger towards Cuba for an olive branch,” by annuling the Cuba sanction.

    August 6th, 2009 at 7:14 am

    http://www.michaelmoore.com/words/message/index.php?messageDate=2000-03-31

    Excerpt from “A Letter of Apology to Elian Gonzalez from Michael Moore:”

    “History is filled with many people who risked their lives escaping to another country because, had they stayed, they would have been imprisoned or killed.

    That’s not what happened in the case of your mother. Her life was not in jeopardy. Her son — you — was in no danger. The worst that could be said is that, in Cuba, you were in jeopardy of receiving free health care whenever you needed it, an excellent education in one of the few countries that has 100% literacy, and a better chance of your baby brother being born and making it to his first birthday than if he had been born in Washington, DC.

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  7. Hi HKer, there is some truth to it. However, it shows part of the picture only.

    There are many Cuban refugees (99% of them are financial, not political), and Miami is pretty much a Cuba Town. 99% if not all do not want to return to Cuba. The reason is quite obvious.

    Wash. DC is not a typical US city. Where ever there are high % of black, there are more violent crimes. Statistics do not lie, but I like to avoid the racial topic that I understand but am not politically correct for me to discuss here.

    Cuban suffers a lot from US embargo besides the yearly hurricanes from nature. Hope it will be lifted and the country can benefit a lot from US tourists to start – I like to see Cuba myself. Staying side with China at a time China was not rich is part of their problem. There are some Chinese immigrants to Cuba and most are not doing well financially (compared to the migrants to other S. American countries).

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  8. Another joke on remote doctor.

    The English patient pleaded painfully, “Would you get me some one who can speak English?”

    The “English interpreter” says, “If I not speaking English, what language I speaking?”

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  9. Aspirin is a miracle drug that costs pennies.

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  10. Another title could be 'A nation of all losers'

    I love both my adopted country (US) and my native country (China). Most of the problems are quite fixable.

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  11. A lot of folks agree with me when it is posted in forums - nice for a change.

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