Wives

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.
-James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
-Patrick Murra

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....
-Nash

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: Wife wanted. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: You can have mine.
-Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): My wife's an angel!
Second Guy:.You're lucky, mine's still alive.
-Anonymous