Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Top Jokes

A young man went to his father one day to tell him that
he wanted to get married.

His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the
girl was, and he told him that it was Samantha, a girl from
the neighborhood.

With a sad face the old man said to his son,
''I'm sorry to say this son but I have to. The

girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don't tell your mother.''

The young man again brought three more names to his
father but ended up frustrated because the response was
still the same.

So he decides to go to his mother.
''Mom I want to get married but all the girls that
I love, dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell

His mother smiling said to him,
''Don't worry my son, you can marry any of
those girls. You're not his son.

Top Joke in Northern Ireland

A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news and worse news'.
'Oh dear, what's the bad news?' asks the patient.
The doctor replies, 'You only have 24 hours to live'.
'That's terrible', said the patient. 'How can the news possibly be worse?'
The doctor replies, 'I've been trying to contact you since yesterday'.

Top Joke in UK

A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says: 'That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!'
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me!'
The man says: 'You go right up there and tell him off, go ahead,
I'll hold your monkey for you.

Top Joke in USA

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at the ir local golf course.
One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: 'Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.'
The man then replies: 'Yeah, well we were married for 35 years.'

Top Joke in Canada

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil.

Top Joke in England

Two weasels are sitting on a barstool. One starts to insult the other one.
He screams, 'I slept with your mother!'
The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.
The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!'
The other says, 'Go home dad you're drunk.'

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