In Mass. we will have a jackpot over $250M this Tue. I will go to the Mass. lottery office on Tue morning and buy all possible combination.
I'll be filthy rich if there is only one winner (me).
OK if there is another winner.
You never see my ugly face in USA if there are more than two.
------
I did some calculation with the expected value = jackpot * probability + 2nd price * probability+... and compare it to the present value of 20 installments based on 3% return and consider 50% tax rate. If my memory is good, $150 M jackpot is a fair value.
Below $150 M jackpot, it is a fool's game but benefiting local towns.
To reduce the chance of duplicated winners, you need not to select #1 to 30, the birthdays.
------
What we really win for $1 bet.
If we buy the ticket on Tue and the announcement of the winner is on Friday, we've 3 sweet dreams. We will promise how much we donate to charities and friends. Not too bad for $1.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
hi hi
Again , missing some pictures. Could be my quota of this month's disk storage is exceeded. I've too many old jokes to post. After March, I'll re-post a lot of them that have pictures missing as the quota should be ease off by that time.
You may see some ads. There is no free lunch. However, every time you click, I get a penny. So, please click as many times as possible and it is my secret retirement plan. :(.
You can send this blog http://tonyp4joke.blogspot.com/ to your friends. If s/he does not get a laugh out of it, I will refund his/her money or ask him/her to check into the closest hospital to find out what's wrong with him/her. Is it better for English without gender? If I got over 1 million hits, I would be as popular as Paris Hilton if not sexier. :)
I've friends trying to post jokes here and they do not know how - it is all Chinese to me too. If you know how to register and post, please let me know.
Thanks to Irene, my high school mate, for her huge contribution.
Steve of FM has a lot of jokes that will last for two or three months. Steve is more Chinese than two of us combined although he has a body of a 'foreign devil', haha. Due to my good nature, all my friends have been made fun of one time or another. Steve thanked me for not calling him 'Big Nose'. FM is Fool's Mountain, a blog for China that I visit frequently. Do you remember the story how a fool moves a mountain?
Due to some artistic pictures of the better work of God, we may rate this blog as PG17 and PG21 for Chinese - I was not too mature and stable at 21, haha.
You may see some ads. There is no free lunch. However, every time you click, I get a penny. So, please click as many times as possible and it is my secret retirement plan. :(.
You can send this blog http://tonyp4joke.blogspot.com/ to your friends. If s/he does not get a laugh out of it, I will refund his/her money or ask him/her to check into the closest hospital to find out what's wrong with him/her. Is it better for English without gender? If I got over 1 million hits, I would be as popular as Paris Hilton if not sexier. :)
I've friends trying to post jokes here and they do not know how - it is all Chinese to me too. If you know how to register and post, please let me know.
Thanks to Irene, my high school mate, for her huge contribution.
Steve of FM has a lot of jokes that will last for two or three months. Steve is more Chinese than two of us combined although he has a body of a 'foreign devil', haha. Due to my good nature, all my friends have been made fun of one time or another. Steve thanked me for not calling him 'Big Nose'. FM is Fool's Mountain, a blog for China that I visit frequently. Do you remember the story how a fool moves a mountain?
Due to some artistic pictures of the better work of God, we may rate this blog as PG17 and PG21 for Chinese - I was not too mature and stable at 21, haha.
笑話一則
應屆生就業形勢越來越嚴峻了！
某公司招聘，幾百大學生爭相報家門：
"我北大"！
"我交大"！
"我浙大"！
"我人大"！
突然一女生響亮聲起："我波大!"
董事長一拍桌："用你了！"
事後，董事長叫該女生到其私人辦公室，關上門窗，拉上窗簾，說：你波大，拿出來看看……
該女生掏出畢業證書…… "寧波大學"
---
Tony: "Hong Kong U" graduates would say "Mine Delicious and Big".
Dear classmates, would you name our female classmates and teachers who graduated from HKU.
The Nimpo elementary graduates did not get the job as s/he shouted, "My Balls Small".
Friday, February 27, 2009
不等 不省 不管---作者 趙少康
金融風暴讓許多人賠掉「老本」。
春節時我趁華航有包機直飛澳洲大堡礁，參加旅行團8日遊，澳洲是一個適合全家旅遊的好地方，有山、有海、有沙漠、有熱帶雨林、有無尾熊可抱、有袋鼠可餵、有賭場可玩，這是我第三次去澳洲，第一次到名列世界7大自然景觀的大堡礁，雖然不如大溪地夢幻般的美，但能浮潛在世界最大片的珊瑚礁上，與魚共游，也是很難得的機會。
經濟風暴蝕掉老本
與台灣只有2個小時的時差以及只有7小時的飛行時間，更可減少長途飛行的不適。在從凱恩斯飛布里斯班的途中有一比我晚一期的台大電機系同學跟我說，他在加州矽谷已工作二十多年，最近回到台灣，他說光是他們班上就有二十多人在矽谷工作，常聚在一起開小型同學會，但因受到金融海嘯襲擊，近來心境大變，以前大家都認為人生至此階段，三樣事最重要B C即「老伴、老友、老本」，可是經過這麼一陣經濟風暴折騰，「老本」都差不多搞光了，能剩的也很有限了。
所以現在大家聚在一起，對人生價值有了新的領悟，即「不等、不省、不管」，我問他這「三不」到底何所指，他彷彿從工程師變成一個哲學家，「不等」就是凡事想做就做，不要再等待，誰知道明天、明年會變成什麼樣子？「不省」就是當花則花，別省了半天都被別人賠光了，何不自己享受享受？「 管」則是到了這個年齡，於公在外國公司不論主動、被動都會從第一線退到第二線，於私子女也都長大了，要管他們也未必聽、不如別管了。
交淺不言深，我當然不好意思問他「老本」到底賠了多少？但看來是受傷頗重，想想看這些台大電機系的畢業生，當年都是第一志願考進去的，到美國苦讀拿到碩士、博士學位，再到矽谷拚死拚活的幹到5、60歲，好不容易存下的「老本」不是買基金、就是買雷曼債券這類衍生性商品，而誘人的股票選擇權恐也成空，這些人都是一輩子苦幹實幹的人，也不是什麼貪婪倖進之徒，居然落到這步田地，人生觀能無改變？
「不等、不省、不管」看似消極，其實卻具有積極的精神，而且處在經濟亂世中，什麼是積極、什麼是消極，完全都被顛覆了，以前人家說的「你不理財，財不理你」，卻變成「你去理財，財去咬你」，馬英九、周美青夫婦把餘錢都存銀行，現在反成為受傷最輕者。
與台灣只有2個小時的時差以及只有7小時的飛行時間，更可減少長途飛行的不適。在從凱恩斯飛布里斯班的途中有一比我晚一期的台大電機系同學跟我說，他在加州矽谷已工作二十多年，最近回到台灣，他說光是他們班上就有二十多人在矽谷工作，常聚在一起開小型同學會，但因受到金融海嘯襲擊，近來心境大變，以前大家都認為人生至此階段，三樣事最重要B C即「老伴、老友、老本」，可是經過這麼一陣經濟風暴折騰，「老本」都差不多搞光了，能剩的也很有限了。
所以現在大家聚在一起，對人生價值有了新的領悟，即「不等、不省、不管」，我問他這「三不」到底何所指，他彷彿從工程師變成一個哲學家，「不等」就是凡事想做就做，不要再等待，誰知道明天、明年會變成什麼樣子？「不省」就是當花則花，別省了半天都被別人賠光了，何不自己享受享受？「 管」則是到了這個年齡，於公在外國公司不論主動、被動都會從第一線退到第二線，於私子女也都長大了，要管他們也未必聽、不如別管了。
交淺不言深，我當然不好意思問他「老本」到底賠了多少？但看來是受傷頗重，想想看這些台大電機系的畢業生，當年都是第一志願考進去的，到美國苦讀拿到碩士、博士學位，再到矽谷拚死拚活的幹到5、60歲，好不容易存下的「老本」不是買基金、就是買雷曼債券這類衍生性商品，而誘人的股票選擇權恐也成空，這些人都是一輩子苦幹實幹的人，也不是什麼貪婪倖進之徒，居然落到這步田地，人生觀能無改變？
「不等、不省、不管」看似消極，其實卻具有積極的精神，而且處在經濟亂世中，什麼是積極、什麼是消極，完全都被顛覆了，以前人家說的「你不理財，財不理你」，卻變成「你去理財，財去咬你」，馬英九、周美青夫婦把餘錢都存銀行，現在反成為受傷最輕者。
該吃就吃該花就花
「人生無常」，常指「生老病死」，大多數人在經濟上都感到無常，大部分人買股票、債券只不過想獲得比定存高一點的利息，以抵消通貨膨脹，讓老年有一點依靠，沒想到變成血本無歸，「不等、不省、不管」=E F有花堪折直須折，莫待無花空折枝，該吃就吃、該喝就喝、該玩就玩、該花就花，人人如此，經濟搞不好還會快點好起來
---
Tony: we need to be emotionally detached from investment. Some one died of losing his investment. After 2 years, his investment came back, but he could no longer enjoy it. It is only money.
Gift for mom
Mama's Bible...............
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and
lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner
together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly
mother who lived far away in another city.
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the
house."
The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mamma loved reading the Bible and you know
she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher
who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty
preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a
year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mamma just has to
name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed.
After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote:
" Milton , the house you built is so huge I live in only one room, but I
have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries
delivered, so I never use the Mer cedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Martin, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50
people but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly
blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Michael, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a
little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."
-Luv Ya, Mama
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and
lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner
together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly
mother who lived far away in another city.
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the
house."
The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mamma loved reading the Bible and you know
she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher
who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty
preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a
year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mamma just has to
name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed.
After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote:
" Milton , the house you built is so huge I live in only one room, but I
have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries
delivered, so I never use the Mer cedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Martin, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50
people but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly
blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Michael, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a
little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."
-Luv Ya, Mama
Fire fighter girl
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the |
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Kids today are smarter...and we were dumber
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. ! ! Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is . . .
TEACHER: No, Millie . . .. Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right . . . 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
_________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH!
LAUGHTER IS THE SOUL'S MEDICINE!!
Senior golf...
Arthur is 95 years old.
He's played golf every day since his retirement 30 years ago.
One day he arrives home looking downcast.
'That's it,' he tells his wife. 'I'm giving up golf.
My eyesight has gotten so bad...
once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went.'
His wife sympathizes, and as they sit down, she says,
'Why don't you take my brother with you, and give it one more try.'
'That's no good,' sighs Arthur.
'Your brother is hundred and three years old. He can't help.'
'He may be a hundred and three', says the wife, 'but his eyesight is perfect.'
So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.
He tees up, takes a mighty swing, and squints down the fairway.
He turns to the brother-in-law. 'Did you see the ball?'
'Of course I did!' says the brother-in-law. 'I have perfect eyesight.'
'Where did it go?' asks Arthur.
'I can't remember.'
He's played golf every day since his retirement 30 years ago.
One day he arrives home looking downcast.
'That's it,' he tells his wife. 'I'm giving up golf.
My eyesight has gotten so bad...
once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went.'
His wife sympathizes, and as they sit down, she says,
'Why don't you take my brother with you, and give it one more try.'
'That's no good,' sighs Arthur.
'Your brother is hundred and three years old. He can't help.'
'He may be a hundred and three', says the wife, 'but his eyesight is perfect.'
So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.
He tees up, takes a mighty swing, and squints down the fairway.
He turns to the brother-in-law. 'Did you see the ball?'
'Of course I did!' says the brother-in-law. 'I have perfect eyesight.'
'Where did it go?' asks Arthur.
'I can't remember.'
English Signs from Around the World
In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME
----
In an attraction in China, 'Having fun is prohibited here.'
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME
----
In an attraction in China, 'Having fun is prohibited here.'
Model sued for malpractice
Model sues plastic surgeon in Mexico for not making her nipples even after a breast implant. The doctor said, 'They looked good to me!'
--
My eyes are perfectly level and I do not see anything wrong with the pair.
Jewish sex
> No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an
> orgasm. Since by Jewish law a wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they
> decide to consult their Rabbi.
>
> The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes
> the following suggestion: 'Hire a strapping young man. While the two
> of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That
> will help your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm.'
>
> They go home and follow the Rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young
> man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It does not help
> and the wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi.
>
> 'Okay,' he says to the husband, 'Try it reversed. Have the young man
> make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them.'
>
> Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice. They go home and hire, the
> same strapping young man.*
>
> *The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the
> towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and soon she has
> an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting screaming orgasm.
>
> The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly,*
>
> *'See that, you schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel!!'*
>
> orgasm. Since by Jewish law a wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they
> decide to consult their Rabbi.
>
> The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes
> the following suggestion: 'Hire a strapping young man. While the two
> of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That
> will help your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm.'
>
> They go home and follow the Rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young
> man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It does not help
> and the wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi.
>
> 'Okay,' he says to the husband, 'Try it reversed. Have the young man
> make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them.'
>
> Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice. They go home and hire, the
> same strapping young man.*
>
> *The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the
> towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and soon she has
> an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting screaming orgasm.
>
> The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly,*
>
> *'See that, you schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel!!'*
>
Sunburn
A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor'?
The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs.'
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor'?
The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs.'
What is Butt Dust
No adult is this creative ... JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: 'Mom, why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?' MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.' STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.' BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with20wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?' SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.' DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?' MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?' CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried when his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?' JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?' TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?' =0 A The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.......'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?' | ||
| |
Word of Wisdom from Andy Rooney
>
> I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet
> of an elderly person.
>
I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my
> day!' makes my day.
>
> I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one
> of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
>
> I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.
>
> I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
>
> I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have
> the strength to help him in some other way.
>
> I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to
> be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
>
> I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold
> and a heart to understand.
>
> I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on
> summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
>
> I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer
> it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
>
> I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything
> we ask for.
>
> I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.
>
> I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life
> so spectacular.
>
> I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants
> to be appreciated and loved.
>
> I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
>
> I 've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are
> only letting that person continue to hurt you.
>
> I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.
>
> I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to
> surround myself with people smarter than I am.
>
> I've learned... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
>
> I've learned..... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
>
> I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
>
> I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost, someone will take
> the ones you miss.
>
> I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
>
> I've learned.... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her
> one more time before she passed away.
>
> I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender,
> because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
>
> I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
>
> I've learned.... That when your newly born grandchild holds your
> little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.
>
> I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain,
> but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
>
> I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more
> things I get done.
>
> To all of you.... Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence.
>
> It's National Friendship Week. Show your friends how much you care.
> Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND, even if it means sending
> it back to the person who sent it to you. If it comes back to you,
> then you'll know you have a circle of friends. HAPPY FRIENDSHIP WEEK
> TO YOU!!!!!! YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I AM HONORED! Now send this to
> every friend you have!! And to your family. This was sent to me by a
> friend.
>
> I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet
> of an elderly person.
>
I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my
> day!' makes my day.
>
> I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one
> of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
>
> I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.
>
> I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
>
> I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have
> the strength to help him in some other way.
>
> I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to
> be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
>
> I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold
> and a heart to understand.
>
> I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on
> summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
>
> I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer
> it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
>
> I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything
> we ask for.
>
> I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.
>
> I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life
> so spectacular.
>
> I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants
> to be appreciated and loved.
>
> I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
>
> I 've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are
> only letting that person continue to hurt you.
>
> I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.
>
> I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to
> surround myself with people smarter than I am.
>
> I've learned... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
>
> I've learned..... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
>
> I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
>
> I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost, someone will take
> the ones you miss.
>
> I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
>
> I've learned.... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her
> one more time before she passed away.
>
> I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender,
> because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
>
> I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
>
> I've learned.... That when your newly born grandchild holds your
> little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.
>
> I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain,
> but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
>
> I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more
> things I get done.
>
> To all of you.... Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence.
>
> It's National Friendship Week. Show your friends how much you care.
> Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND, even if it means sending
> it back to the person who sent it to you. If it comes back to you,
> then you'll know you have a circle of friends. HAPPY FRIENDSHIP WEEK
> TO YOU!!!!!! YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I AM HONORED! Now send this to
> every friend you have!! And to your family. This was sent to me by a
> friend.
>
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Golf joke
Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.
His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.
When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'
'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says,
'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'
Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.
The cabby turns around and says,
'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'
BOB's funeral will be on Friday.
His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.
When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'
'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says,
'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'
Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.
The cabby turns around and says,
'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'
BOB's funeral will be on Friday.
Signs of our time
____________________________________________
_____________________________________________________ 
___________________________________________________
Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision, or a problem that needs to be solved. A man has only 2 balls and they take up all his thoughts. Reply. Without the 2 balls, there is no greatest entertainment on earth and there is no next generation. :) |
BARBER SHOP WISDOM
> > What a great story!
> >
> > The Bible says to have an answer for why you believe, to
> > those who ask you. This is a good example of an answer to
> > one of the most common reasons people give for ignoring God
> > and His goodness.
> >
> > A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his
> > beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to
> > have a good conversation. They talked about so many things
> > and various subjects.
> >
> > When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the
> > barber said: "I don't believe that God
> > exists."
> >
> > "Why do you say that?" asked the customer.
> >
> > "Well, you just have to go out in the street to
> > realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists,
> > would there be so many sick people? Would there be
> > abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither
> > suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving a God who
> > would allow all of these things."
> >
> > The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond
> > because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber
> > finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after
> > he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with
> > long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked
> > dirty and unkempt.
> >
> > The customer turned back and entered the barber shop
> > again and he said to the barber: "You know what?
> > Barbers do not exist." "How can you say
> > that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and
> > I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"
> >
> > "No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers
> > don't exist because if they did, there would be no
> > people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that
> > man outside."
> >
> > "Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens, is, people
> > do not come to me."
> >
> > "Exactly!"- affirmed the customer.
> > "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What
> > happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for
> > Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering
> > in the world."
> >
> > If you think God exists, send this to other people---
> > If you think God does not exist, delete it!
> >
> > BE BLESSED & BE A BLESSING
>
> >
> > The Bible says to have an answer for why you believe, to
> > those who ask you. This is a good example of an answer to
> > one of the most common reasons people give for ignoring God
> > and His goodness.
> >
> > A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his
> > beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to
> > have a good conversation. They talked about so many things
> > and various subjects.
> >
> > When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the
> > barber said: "I don't believe that God
> > exists."
> >
> > "Why do you say that?" asked the customer.
> >
> > "Well, you just have to go out in the street to
> > realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists,
> > would there be so many sick people? Would there be
> > abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither
> > suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving a God who
> > would allow all of these things."
> >
> > The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond
> > because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber
> > finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after
> > he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with
> > long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked
> > dirty and unkempt.
> >
> > The customer turned back and entered the barber shop
> > again and he said to the barber: "You know what?
> > Barbers do not exist." "How can you say
> > that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and
> > I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"
> >
> > "No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers
> > don't exist because if they did, there would be no
> > people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that
> > man outside."
> >
> > "Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens, is, people
> > do not come to me."
> >
> > "Exactly!"- affirmed the customer.
> > "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What
> > happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for
> > Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering
> > in the world."
> >
> > If you think God exists, send this to other people---
> > If you think God does not exist, delete it!
> >
> > BE BLESSED & BE A BLESSING
>
Retirement Dinner
> A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the
parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen
to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.
>
> However, he was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words
while they waited:
> 'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I
heard
here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first
person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set
and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He
had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an
affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his
sister.
I was appalled.
> But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that
and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving
people.'...
>
> Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of
apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and
gave his talk:
>
> 'I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived,'
said the
politician. 'In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to
him
for confession.'
>
>
> Moral : Never, Never, Never Be Late
Monday, February 23, 2009
Paris auction of looted Chinese treasures
A serious event.
First some history.
The Britain’s evil parliament approved to send warships to enforce the opium trade to China. What do you call a country pushing opium?
It is about 150 years ago, but it seems it is forgotten outside China.
The settlement asked China to compensate all the opium burned by the Chinese and army expenses, open the seaports for opium trade, release the Chinese prisoners who helped the British, cede Hong Kong…
Imagine Cambodia asks US to pay for the opium burned during US raids and their army expenses, open more seaports for opium trade, release all the traitors who helped Cambodia during the war, and cede Hawaii to Cambodia. How outrageous?
Cambodia can be replaced by another opium export country.
The alliance of foreign countries burned China’s summer palace, looted all the treasures (most are done by over 3,000 Franco-British soldiers and took 3 days/nights to burn it down)… Imagine foreigners loot all the treasures from Buckingham Palace and burn it down.
The common excuse from the west is the rebellion against the west. As some one said in the blog, they’re patriots or rebels. How outrageous to open opium trades by using force in the first place.
All European foreigners to Beijing should be informed of the ruin so we can learn not to repeat from history. You do not see many foreigners in the ruin. Same as few Japanese tourists in the Pearl Harbor Memorial.
All the museums in Europe should classify whether the Chinese treasures are loots and posted the info if necessary. I like to know the percentage of the Chinese treasures are loots.
If it is stolen, it should be returned to the owner. From stolen jewelry from your house to mummy from Egypt.
No matter how many times it is legally traded and as long as it is stolen it is still loot.
----
Reality check.
It would be a moral victory but not feasible to stop the auction. All the lawyers can tell you that. I just want to raise the awareness of the beginning part of our bad history (late Qing to end of Mao). A lot of lawyers donate their services free for China on this incident, so I have a higher respect on the legal profession. 
The auction is intended for AIDS research. I suggest to give the part of the auction to a Chinese university on same cause, preferably in Beijing.
-------
I came across YingYing's comment as follows. Just sad and no words can describe how outrageous the barbarians from the west were. Thanks YingYing. With this kind of grand palace for pleasure including the marble boat, I wonder how the regime could be strong to protect its citizens.
Let's hope that the history will not repeat since problems are over our head again!! Can we ever learn as human?? We always choose destruction to solve our problems. We do not have much left to destroy…
The Old Summer Palace which was built in the 18th and early 19th century were destroyed by British and French troops in 1860. It was almost 5 times the size of the Forbidden City, and 8 times the size of the Vatican City.
There were also a few buildings in Tibetan and Mongol styles, and European-style buildings reflecting the diversity of the Qing Empire. It had hundreds of halls, pavilions, temples, galleries, gardens, lakes, etc. Several famous landscapes of southern China had been reproduced in the Imperial Gardens, hundreds of invaluable Chinese art masterpieces and antiquities were stored in the halls, making the Imperial Gardens one of the largest museums in the world. Some unique copies of literary work and compilations were also stored inside the Imperial Gardens.
It took 3,500 British troops to set the entire place ablaze, taking three days to burn.
Charles George Gordon, a 27-year-old captain in the Royal Engineers wrote: “We went out, and, after pillaging it, burned the whole place, destroying in a vandal-like manner most valuable property which [could] not be replaced for four millions. We got upward of £48 apiece prize money…I have done well. The [local] people are very civil, but I think the grandees hate us, as they must after what we did the Palace. You can scarcely imagine the beauty and magnificence of the places we burnt. It made one’s heart sore to burn them; in fact, these places were so large, and we were so pressed for time, that we could not plunder them carefully. Quantities of gold ornaments were burnt, considered as brass. It was wretchedly demoralizing work for an army.”
Some contemporary Frenchmen, such as Victor Hugo, disapproved of the action; in his "Expédition de Chine", Hugo described the looting as, "'Two robbers breaking into a museum, devastating, looting and burning, leaving laughing hand-in-hand with their bags full of treasures; one of the robbers is called France and the other Britain. In his letter Hugo hoped that one day France would feel guilty and return what it had plundered from China.
Hi
Deleted several posts as they did not show up in the entirety. Could be due to using up the limit of the disk allowance for the month.
This blog is originally used by me only to store jokes and good mails so I'll revisit them when I'm down or have nothing better to do. I like to share them so saving you time to do basically the same. Again, no ego but sometimes dumb nationalism. Please contribute. From my last check, there is at least 30 visits.
Many Power Point presentations circulated to me are really good. They cannot be imported to the blog. However, I can create a mail ID and let you folks log on to it. If there is interest, please let me know.
-----
Hint of the day. If you're as old as I am, you may have a hard time to read this blog. Try hitting Ctrl key and "+" key at the same time. Every time you hit, the font is magically larger.
Joke of the day. Why my son cannot marry Au's family members? No one would show up for the banquet with the name 'Po-Au", diarrhea guaranteed in Cantonese. We do have some mutual friends with last name Au, do we?
This blog is originally used by me only to store jokes and good mails so I'll revisit them when I'm down or have nothing better to do. I like to share them so saving you time to do basically the same. Again, no ego but sometimes dumb nationalism. Please contribute. From my last check, there is at least 30 visits.
Many Power Point presentations circulated to me are really good. They cannot be imported to the blog. However, I can create a mail ID and let you folks log on to it. If there is interest, please let me know.
-----
Hint of the day. If you're as old as I am, you may have a hard time to read this blog. Try hitting Ctrl key and "+" key at the same time. Every time you hit, the font is magically larger.
Joke of the day. Why my son cannot marry Au's family members? No one would show up for the banquet with the name 'Po-Au", diarrhea guaranteed in Cantonese. We do have some mutual friends with last name Au, do we?
Saturday, February 21, 2009
* 中國人不可不知道的知識
【四大名繡】
> > 蘇繡 - 蘇州 ] 湘繡 - 湖南 ] 蜀繡 - 四川 ] 廣繡 - 廣東 ]
【四大名扇】
>> 檀香扇 - 江蘇 ] 火畫扇 - 廣東 ] 竹絲扇 - 四川 ] 綾絹扇 - 浙江 ]
【四大名花】
>>牡丹 - 山東菏澤 ] 水仙 - 福建漳州 ] 菊花 -浙江杭州 ] 山茶 - 雲南昆明]
【十大名茶】
>> 西湖龍井 - 浙江 , 杭州西湖區]
> > 碧螺春 - 江蘇 , 吳縣太湖的洞庭山碧螺峰
> > 信陽毛尖 - 河南 信陽車雲山 ] 君山銀針
> > - 湖南岳陽君山 ] 六安瓜片 -
> > 安徽六安和金寨 兩縣的齊雲山 ] 黃山毛峰 -
> > 安徽 , 歙縣黃山 ] 祁門紅茶 - 安徽 ,
> > 祁門縣 ] 都勻毛尖 - 貴州都 勻縣 ] 鐵觀音
> > - 福建 , 安溪縣 ] 武夷巖茶 - 福建 , 崇安縣 ]
> > 【十二生肖】 中國
> > 子鼠、丑牛、寅虎、卯兔、辰龍、巳蛇、午馬、未羊、申猴、酉雞、戌狗、亥豬
> > 埃及
> > 牝牛、山羊、獅子、驢、蟹、蛇犬、貓、鱷、紅鶴、猿、鷹
> > 法國
> > 摩羯、寶瓶、雙魚、白羊、金牛、雙子、巨蟹、獅子、室女、天秤、天蠍、人馬
> > 印度 -
> > 招杜羅神的鼠、毗羯羅神的牛、宮毗羅神的獅、伐折羅神的兔、迷立羅神的龍、
> > 安底羅神的蛇、安彌羅神的馬、珊底羅神的羊、因達羅神的猴、波夷羅神的金翅鳥、
> > 摩虎羅神的狗、和真達羅神的豬，
> > 【年齡稱謂】
>> 褓：未滿周歲的嬰兒
> > 孩提：指2—3歲的兒童
> > 垂髫：指幼年兒童（又叫"總角 ）
> > 豆蔻：指女子十三歲 及笄：指女子十五歲
> > 加冠：指男子二十歲（又"弱冠）
> > 而立之年：指三十歲 不惑之年：指四十歲
> > 知命之年：指五十歲（又"知天命"、"半百）
> > 花甲之年：指六十歲 古稀之年：指七十歲
> > 耄耋之年：指八、九十歲 期頤之年：一百歲
> > 【古代主要節日】
>> 元日： 正月初一 ,
> > 一年開始。 人日： 正月初七 , 主小孩。
> > 上元：
> > 正月十五，張燈為戲，又叫"燈節"
> > 社日： 春分前後，祭祀祈禱農事。 寒食：
> > 清明前兩日，禁火三日（吳子胥） 清明：
> > 四月初，掃墓、祭祀。 端午：
> > 五月初五，吃粽子，劃龍（屈原） 七夕：
> > 七月初七，婦女乞巧（牛郎織女） 中元：
> > 七月十五，祭祀鬼神，又叫"鬼節"
> > 中秋： 八月十五，賞月，思鄉 重陽：
> > 九月初九，登高，插茱萸免災 冬至：
> > 又叫"至日"，節氣的起點。 臘日：
> > 臘月初八，喝"臘八粥" 除夕：
> > 一年的最後一天的晚上，初舊迎新
> > 【婚姻周年】
>> 第1年 - 紙婚 ] 第2年 - 棉婚 ]
> > 第3年 - 皮革婚 ] 第4年 - 水果婚 ] 第5年 -
> > 木婚 ] 第6年 - 鐵婚 ] 第7年 - 銅婚 ]第8年
> > - 陶婚 ] 第9年 - 柳婚 ] 第10年 ]
> > 鋁婚、第11年§鋼 婚 ] 第12年 - 絲婚
> > ]第13年§絲帶婚、第14年§象牙婚、
>> 第15年§水晶婚、第20年§瓷婚、
>> 第25年 - 銀婚 ]第30年 - 珍珠婚 ] 第35年 - 珊瑚婚
> > ] 第40年 - 紅寶石婚 ] 第45年 - 藍寶石 婚
> > ]第50年 - 金婚 ] 第55年 - 綠寶石婚 ] 第60年
> > - 鑽石婚 ] 第70年 - 白金婚
> > ]
【科舉職官】鄉試 -
> > 錄取者稱為'舉人'
> > 第一名稱為'解元' ]會試 -
> > 錄取者稱為'貢生'，第一名稱為'會元'
> > ]
> > 殿試?：錄取者稱為'進士'，第一名稱為'狀元
> > ,第二名為'榜眼' , 第三名為'探花'
> >
> > 【四書】《論語》、《中庸》、《大學》、《孟子》
> > 【五經】《詩經》、《尚書》、《禮記》、《易經》、《春秋》
> > 【八股文】破題、承題、起講、入手、起股、中股、後股、束股
> > 【六子全書】《老子》、《莊子》、《列子》、《荀子》、《揚子法言》、《文中子中說》
> > 【漢字六書】象形、指事、形聲、會意、轉注、假借
> > 【書法九勢】落筆、轉筆、藏峰、藏頭、護尾、疾勢、掠筆、澀勢、橫鱗豎勒
> >
> > [竹林七賢】嵇康、劉伶、阮籍、山濤、阮鹹、向秀、王戎
> > 【飲中八仙】李白、賀知章、李適之、李璡、崔宗之、蘇晉、張旭、焦遂
> > 【蜀之八仙】容成公、李耳、董促舒、張道陵、嚴君平、李八百、范長生、爾朱先生
> > 【揚州八怪】鄭板橋、汪士慎、李鱔、黃慎、金農、高翔、李方鷹、羅聘
> > 【北宋四大家】黃庭堅、歐陽修、蘇軾、王安石
> > 【唐宋古文八大家】韓愈、柳宗元、歐陽修、蘇洵、蘇軾、蘇轍、王安石、曾鞏
> > 【十三經】《易經》、《詩經》、《尚書》、《禮記》、《儀禮》、《公羊傳》、
> > 《榖梁傳》、《左傳》、《孝經》、《論語》、《爾雅》、《孟子》
> > 【四大民間傳說】《牛郎織女》、《孟姜女》、《梁山伯與祝英台》、《白蛇與許仙》
> > 【四大文化遺產】《明清檔案》、《殷墟甲骨》、《居延漢簡》、《敦煌經卷》
> > 【元代四大戲劇】關漢卿《竇娥冤》、王實甫《西廂記》、湯顯祖《牡丹亭》、
> > 洪升《長生殿》
> > 【晚清四大譴責小說】李寶嘉《官場現形記》、吳沃堯《二十年目睹之怪現狀》、
> > 劉鶚《老殘游記》、曾樸《孽海花》
> > 【莎士比亞四大悲劇】《漢姆萊特》、《李爾王》、《麥克白》、《奧賽羅》
> > 【五彩】青、黃、赤、白、黑
> > 【五音】宮、商、角、徵、羽
> > 【七寶】金、銀、琉璃、珊瑚、硨磲、珍珠、瑪瑙
> > 【九宮】正宮、中呂宮、南呂宮、仙呂宮、黃鍾宮、大面調、雙調、商調、越調
> > 【七大藝術】繪畫、音樂、雕塑、戲劇、文學、建築、電影
> > 【四大名瓷窯】河北的瓷州窯、浙江的龍泉窯、江西的景德鎮窯、福建的德化窯
> > 【四大名旦】梅蘭芳、程硯秋、尚小雲、荀慧生
> > 【六禮】冠、婚、喪、祭、鄉飲酒、相見
> > 【六藝】禮、樂、射、御、書、數
> > 【六義】風、賦、比、興、雅、頌
> > 【八旗】鑲黃、正黃、鑲白、正白、鑲紅、正紅、鑲藍、正藍
> > 【十惡】謀反、謀大逆、謀叛、謀惡逆、不道、大不敬、不孝、不睦、不義、內亂
> > 【九流】儒家、道家、陰陽家、法家、名家、墨家、縱橫家、雜家、農家
> > 【三山】安徽黃山、江西廬山、浙江雁蕩山
> > 【五嶺】越城嶺、都龐嶺、萌諸嶺、騎田嶺、大庾嶺
> > 【五岳】?中岳 - 河南嵩山 ] 東岳 -
> > 山東泰山 ] 西岳 - 陝西華山 ] 南岳 -
> > 湖南衡山 ] 北岳 - 山西恆山 ]
> > 【五湖】鄱陽湖 - 江西 ] 洞庭湖 - 湖南 ]
> > 太湖 - 江蘇 ] 洪澤湖 - 江蘇 ] 巢湖 -
> > 安徽 ] 【四海】渤海、黃海、東海、南海
> > 【四大名橋】廣濟橋、趙州橋、洛陽橋、盧溝橋
> > 【四大名園】頤和園 - 北京 ] 避暑山莊 -
> > 河北承德 ] 拙政園 - 江蘇蘇州 ] 留園 -
> > 江蘇蘇州 ] 【四大名剎】靈巖寺 - 山東長清
> > ] 國清寺 - 浙江天台 ] 玉泉寺 - 湖北江陵 ]
> > 棲霞寺 - 江蘇南京 ] 【四大名樓】岳陽樓 -
> > 湖南岳陽 ] 黃鶴樓 - 湖北武漢 ] 滕王閣 -
> > 江西南昌 ] 大觀樓 - 雲南昆明 ]
> > 【四大名亭】醉翁亭 - 安徽滁縣 ] 陶然亭 -
> > 北京先農壇 ] 愛晚亭 - 湖南長沙 ]湖心亭 -
> > 杭州西湖 ] 【四大古鎮】景德鎮 - 江西 ]
> > 佛山鎮 - 廣東 ] 漢口鎮 - 湖北 ] 朱仙鎮 -
> > 河南 ] 【四大碑林】西安碑林 - 陝西西安 ]
> > 孔廟碑林 - 山東曲阜 ] 地震碑林 -
> > 四川西昌 ]南門碑林 - 台灣高雄 ]
> > 【四大名塔】嵩岳寺塔 - 河南登封嵩岳寺 ]
> > 飛虹塔 - 山西洪洞廣勝寺 ] 釋迦塔 -
> > 山西應縣佛宮寺 \ 千尋塔 -
> > 雲南大理崇聖寺 ] 【四大石窟】莫高窟 -
> > 甘肅敦煌 ] 雲崗石窟 - 山西大同 ] 龍門石窟
> > - 河南洛陽 ] 麥積山石窟 - 甘肅天水 ]
> > 【四大書院】白鹿洞書院 - 江西廬山 ]
> > 岳麓書院 - 湖南長沙 ] 嵩陽書院 -
> > 河南嵩山 ]應天書院 - 河南商丘 ]
> > 【四大佛教名山】浙江普陀山 - 觀音菩薩 ]
> > 山西五台山 - 文殊菩薩 ] 四川峨眉山 -
> > 普賢菩薩 ] 安徽九華山 - 地藏王菩薩 ]
> > 【四大道教名山】湖北武當山、江西龍虎山、安徽齊雲山、四川青城山
> > 【五行】金、木、水、火、土 【八卦】乾 -
> > 天、 坤 - 地、 震 - 雷、 巽 - 風、 坎 -
> > 水、 離 - 火、 艮 - 山、 兌 - 沼 .
> > 三皇】伏羲、女媧、神農
> > 【五帝】太皞、炎帝、黃帝、少皞、顓頊
> > 【三教】儒教、道教、佛教
> > 【三清】元始天尊 - 清微天玉清境 ]
> > 靈寶天尊 - 禹余天上清境 ] 道德天尊 -
> > 大赤天太清境 ]
> > 【四御】昊天金闕無上至尊玉皇大帝、中天紫微北極大帝、勾陳上宮天後皇大帝、
> > 承天效法土皇地祗
> > 【八仙】鐵拐李、鍾離權、張果老、呂洞賓、何仙姑、藍采和、韓湘子、曹國舅
> > 【十八羅漢】布袋羅漢、長眉羅漢、芭蕉羅漢、沉思羅漢、伏虎羅漢、過江羅漢
> > ,歡喜羅漢、降龍羅漢、靜坐羅漢、舉缽羅漢、開心羅漢、看門羅漢、騎象羅漢、
> > 探手羅漢、托塔羅漢、挖耳羅漢、笑獅羅漢、坐鹿羅漢
> > .
> > 【十八層地獄】[第一層]泥犁地獄、[第二層]刀山地獄、[第三層]沸沙地獄、
> > [第四層]沸屎地獄、[第五層]黑身地獄、[第六層]火車地獄、[第七層]鑊湯地獄、
> > [第八
> > 層]鐵床地獄、[第九層]蓋山地獄、[第十層]寒冰地獄、[第十一層]剝皮地獄、
> > [第十二層]畜生地獄、[第十三層]刀兵地獄、[第十四層]鐵磨地獄、
> > [第十五層]寒冰地獄、[第十六層]鐵冊地獄、[第十七層]蛆蟲地獄、[第十八層]烊銅地獄
> > 【五髒】心、肝、脾、肺、腎
> > 【六腑】胃、膽、三焦、膀胱、大腸、小腸
> > 【七情】喜、怒、哀、樂、愛、惡、欲
> > 【五常】仁、義、禮、智、信
> > 【五倫】君臣、父子、兄弟、夫婦、朋友
> > 【三姑】尼姑、道姑、卦姑
> > 【六婆】牙婆、媒婆、師婆、虔婆、藥婆、穩婆
> > 【九屬】玄孫、曾孫、孫、子、身、父、祖父、曾祖父、高祖父
> > 【五谷】稻、黍、稷、麥、豆
> > 【中國八大菜系】四川菜、湖南菜、山東菜、江蘇菜、浙江菜、廣東菜、福建菜、安徽菜
> > 【五毒】石膽、丹砂、雄黃、礬石、慈石
> > 【配藥七方】大方、小方、緩方、急方、奇方、偶方、復方
> >
China helps African countries
This blog is for fun. However, some current events are interesting. Here is a great article on this topic.
China and Africa should be good trade partners. When there is money available, corruption follows. It happens in most developing countries. Human right is better with better economy in most cases. Hence, China's improving their economies would improve the human rights in theory. Being a developing country, it is not China’s responsibility to fight for the human rights/freedom of their trade partners, but their own citizens’ - did the world learn on foreign intervention from what Bush did to the Middle East?
China and Africa should be good trade partners. When there is money available, corruption follows. It happens in most developing countries. Human right is better with better economy in most cases. Hence, China's improving their economies would improve the human rights in theory. Being a developing country, it is not China’s responsibility to fight for the human rights/freedom of their trade partners, but their own citizens’ - did the world learn on foreign intervention from what Bush did to the Middle East?
Friday, February 20, 2009
Speak before you think!
Six reasons why you should think before you speak -
the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back...
or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly,
'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with mens balls'
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked i f we needed any help..
I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
'If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy+'s pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked
my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said 'No' .
I kept thinking
'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.'
Then I said,
'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks
and yelled
'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weather-man and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh
and remember
we all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak!!!!!
C V Skerritt
the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back...
or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
and asked loudly,
'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with mens balls'
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked i f we needed any help..
I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon,
my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
'If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy+'s pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked
my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said 'No' .
I kept thinking
'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.'
Then I said,
'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks
and yelled
'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weather-man and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh
and remember
we all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak!!!!!
C V Skerritt
Live to 100
WebMD) Staying close to family and friends, keeping your mind active, and having a sense of humor are keys to healthy aging, centenarians say in a new poll.
The poll, conducted by phone, included 100 U.S. centenarians. Here are their top 10 tips for healthy aging - along with the percentage of how many said the tip is "very important" (they could call more than one tip "very important"):
1. Stay close to your family and friends: 90%
2. Keep your mind active: 89%
3. Laugh and have a sense of humor: 88%
4. Stay in touch with your spirituality: 84%
5. Continue looking forward to each new day: 83%
6. Keep moving and exercising: 82%
7. Maintain a sense of independence: 81%
8. Eat right: 80%
9. Keep up with news and current events: 63%
10. Keep making new friends: 63%
"If I could leave any message, never stop learning. Period," centenarian Maurice Eisman says in the poll report.
"I think the worst thing is stress, and you can avoid a lot of it by the way you manage your life," adds 102-year-old Marianne Crowder of Palo Alto, Calif.
Some of the centenarians - who were actually as young as 99 - have picked up some modern ways: 19% use cell phones, 12% have used the Internet, 3% say they've dated someone they met online, and 45% could identify 2005 American Idol winner Carrie Underwood.
When asked to pick a favorite celebrity to invite to a "fantasy dinner party," Bill Cosby was their top pick, followed by Tiger Woods and Oprah Winfrey. Britney Spears and Howard Stern were their least favorite choices; most knew who Spears and Stern are.
GfK Roper Public Affairs & Media polled the centenarians by phone in April and May for Evercare, a health care coordination program for the elderly and people with long-term or advanced illnesses or disabilities.
Because the poll only included centenarians in good health, the results may not apply to everyone in that age range.
By Miranda Hitti
The poll, conducted by phone, included 100 U.S. centenarians. Here are their top 10 tips for healthy aging - along with the percentage of how many said the tip is "very important" (they could call more than one tip "very important"):
1. Stay close to your family and friends: 90%
2. Keep your mind active: 89%
3. Laugh and have a sense of humor: 88%
4. Stay in touch with your spirituality: 84%
5. Continue looking forward to each new day: 83%
6. Keep moving and exercising: 82%
7. Maintain a sense of independence: 81%
8. Eat right: 80%
9. Keep up with news and current events: 63%
10. Keep making new friends: 63%
"If I could leave any message, never stop learning. Period," centenarian Maurice Eisman says in the poll report.
"I think the worst thing is stress, and you can avoid a lot of it by the way you manage your life," adds 102-year-old Marianne Crowder of Palo Alto, Calif.
Some of the centenarians - who were actually as young as 99 - have picked up some modern ways: 19% use cell phones, 12% have used the Internet, 3% say they've dated someone they met online, and 45% could identify 2005 American Idol winner Carrie Underwood.
When asked to pick a favorite celebrity to invite to a "fantasy dinner party," Bill Cosby was their top pick, followed by Tiger Woods and Oprah Winfrey. Britney Spears and Howard Stern were their least favorite choices; most knew who Spears and Stern are.
GfK Roper Public Affairs & Media polled the centenarians by phone in April and May for Evercare, a health care coordination program for the elderly and people with long-term or advanced illnesses or disabilities.
Because the poll only included centenarians in good health, the results may not apply to everyone in that age range.
By Miranda Hitti
Bishop goes to Hollywood
The Bishop went to US. He wanted to drive the limo. The Chinese driver told him he might lose his job, his wife and children by letting the Bishop driving his limo. The Bishop said " No problem and I have a lot of children to give you.".
He drove over 100 mph and was stopped by the police. The officer called his chief on this incident. The chief told him he should give a ticket to all except the mayor and his family. The officer said even the Bishop had to drive the car for him and he must be God! He is also Chinese. The chief said "That's why my prayers are not answered as they're not in Chinese."
----
I lost the original so it is retold here with Chinese characters.
He drove over 100 mph and was stopped by the police. The officer called his chief on this incident. The chief told him he should give a ticket to all except the mayor and his family. The officer said even the Bishop had to drive the car for him and he must be God! He is also Chinese. The chief said "That's why my prayers are not answered as they're not in Chinese."
----
I lost the original so it is retold here with Chinese characters.
Smiles and Asses
We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where:
:) means a smile and
:( is a frown.
Sometimes these are represented by
:-)
:-(
Well, how about some 'BUTTICONS?'
Here goes:
(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb Ass
You have just been e-mooned! Send
this to 5 people within the next hour and you will be blessed with people laughing at your e-mail.
This is NOT a chain letter, so if you don't mail it out, you won't have bad luck. (But who wouldn't want to e-Moon a friend?) he, he!
:) means a smile and
:( is a frown.
Sometimes these are represented by
:-)
:-(
Well, how about some 'BUTTICONS?'
Here goes:
(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb Ass
You have just been e-mooned! Send
this to 5 people within the next hour and you will be blessed with people laughing at your e-mail.
This is NOT a chain letter, so if you don't mail it out, you won't have bad luck. (But who wouldn't want to e-Moon a friend?) he, he!
常喝綠豆湯、海帶
專作放射線之醫師，認為『微波爐』會利用電波少一個正價電子，運用水分子之震盪使食物變熱，所以食物易變成自由基，就會容易致癌。所以偶而方便用一下，最好還是少用『微波爐』最好！
以下文章值得參考
人體內的有毒物質主要來源於兩個途徑：一是大氣與水源中的污染物、通過呼吸及進餐而侵入人體內，鉛、鋁、汞等重金屬就是其代表；
另一個是食物在體內代謝後的廢物，如自由基、硫化氫等。時下，清除體內垃圾已成健康時尚。
下列方法可幫您及時清除體內毒素。
1. 主動咳嗽法：
自然界中的粉塵、金屬微粒及廢氣中的毒性物質，通過呼吸進入肺臟，既損害肺臟，又通過血液迴圈而 ' 株連' 全身。借助主動咳嗽可以' 清掃 ' 肺臟。每天 到室外空氣清新處做深呼吸運動，深吸氣時緩緩抬起雙臂，然後主動咳嗽，使氣流從口、鼻中噴出，咳出痰液。
2. 飲水沖洗法：
定時排便，縮短糞便在腸道內的停留時間，及時排出糞便中的毒素。每天清晨空腹喝一杯溫開水，有利於大便通暢以及毒素從尿液中排出。
3. 運動出汗法：
皮膚也是排泄毒素的途徑，主要通過出汗的方式，讓毒素隨汗液排出體外。
4. 巧用食物法：
●常飲鮮果、鮮菜汁 ( 不經炒煮 ) ，鮮果、鮮菜汁是體內 ' 清潔劑 ' ，牠們能排除體內堆積的毒素和廢物。
●常吃海帶，海帶對放射性物質有特別的親和力，海帶膠質能促使體內的放射性物質隨著大號排出體外，從而減少放射性物質在人體內的積聚，也減少了放射性疾病的發生率。
●常喝綠豆湯，綠豆湯能輔助排泄體內的毒素，促進機體的正常代謝。
PS. 看完後，請不要吝嗇，盡快轉寄給你的朋友。
以下文章值得參考
人體內的有毒物質主要來源於兩個途徑：一是大氣與水源中的污染物、通過呼吸及進餐而侵入人體內，鉛、鋁、汞等重金屬就是其代表；
另一個是食物在體內代謝後的廢物，如自由基、硫化氫等。時下，清除體內垃圾已成健康時尚。
下列方法可幫您及時清除體內毒素。
1. 主動咳嗽法：
自然界中的粉塵、金屬微粒及廢氣中的毒性物質，通過呼吸進入肺臟，既損害肺臟，又通過血液迴圈而 ' 株連' 全身。借助主動咳嗽可以' 清掃 ' 肺臟。每天 到室外空氣清新處做深呼吸運動，深吸氣時緩緩抬起雙臂，然後主動咳嗽，使氣流從口、鼻中噴出，咳出痰液。
2. 飲水沖洗法：
定時排便，縮短糞便在腸道內的停留時間，及時排出糞便中的毒素。每天清晨空腹喝一杯溫開水，有利於大便通暢以及毒素從尿液中排出。
3. 運動出汗法：
皮膚也是排泄毒素的途徑，主要通過出汗的方式，讓毒素隨汗液排出體外。
4. 巧用食物法：
●常飲鮮果、鮮菜汁 ( 不經炒煮 ) ，鮮果、鮮菜汁是體內 ' 清潔劑 ' ，牠們能排除體內堆積的毒素和廢物。
●常吃海帶，海帶對放射性物質有特別的親和力，海帶膠質能促使體內的放射性物質隨著大號排出體外，從而減少放射性物質在人體內的積聚，也減少了放射性疾病的發生率。
●常喝綠豆湯，綠豆湯能輔助排泄體內的毒素，促進機體的正常代謝。
PS. 看完後，請不要吝嗇，盡快轉寄給你的朋友。
Thursday, February 19, 2009
YouTube makes your day
You will enjoy these video clips from China and HK.
* Ballet on your head!
More
* Feel sorry for yourself? Not any more after watching this one.
* Cheng Pei Pei's daughter.
* Where are all the classy ladies gone?
* Funny Hong Kong song.
* Agnes, the PhD who can sing and very talented when 'talent' is over-used.
* Big brother.
* Vienna: money is not everything but dream is.
* Fusion music from 12 Girls Band Freedom. Miracle. New Classisism.
* China's upcoming diva: Jane Zhang. Argentina.
Late diva: Teresa Teng.
* Hong Kong divas: Anita Mui. Wong Fei
* Ballet on your head!
More
* Feel sorry for yourself? Not any more after watching this one.
* Cheng Pei Pei's daughter.
* Where are all the classy ladies gone?
* Funny Hong Kong song.
* Agnes, the PhD who can sing and very talented when 'talent' is over-used.
* Big brother.
* Vienna: money is not everything but dream is.
* Fusion music from 12 Girls Band Freedom. Miracle. New Classisism.
* China's upcoming diva: Jane Zhang. Argentina.
Late diva: Teresa Teng.
* Hong Kong divas: Anita Mui. Wong Fei
* Free Tibet, my holy foot
Please do not liberate my country. I understand your energy, good nature and idealism. I was the same when I was at your age. I hope you’re there to protest for China when your ancestors pushed opium to China. It is history that the Britain’s evil parliament approved to send warships to enforce the opium trade to China.
First, thanks you all. Now, I’m a naturalized US citizen collecting generous welfare benefits. You do not understand how my life has been improved staying here. Just imagine living in the highest mountain in your country year round.
There are always folks wanting to be kings and queens. They have their ambitions and revolutionary ideas. The last ones went to India after the failed revolt sponsored by CIA. Please let me know who sponsor today’s Tibetan movements – not seem to be a Mickey Mouse production. They do not speak for the common folks who just want a peaceful life.
News on Tibet must feed a lot of reporters in the west but hurt their conscience. Some are not true. The recent Tibetan riot was started when Han Chinese were murdered but was reported wrongly with photos that were bought and modified to indicate it was the other way round. To be fair, Chinese reporters are no angels.
The Chinese will not give up Tibet. It is the major water source for most of Asia. We get more from the Chinese than giving back. How many territories within a country become independent? Our standard of living improves substantially and so is our literacy rate.
The new train and the proposed 750 small dams to generate electricity are recent gifts. I bet the extraction of natural Chinese will improve our living standard further. It is the same as opening a casino in an Indian reservation. The benefits outnumber the drawbacks.
China had been ruled by Mongolians and Manchurians. We’re one of the 55 minorities, same as the blacks in your country or the Quebec French in Canada. Dali Lama must be the best salesman on earth with the circus of silly and most likely uneducated Hollywood celebrities - most of them approved Polanski in raping a 13 year girl. If there were one like him for Mongolia, one for Manchuria, you guys will be busy for a long while.
Unless you can convince your congress to send soldiers to ‘liberate’ us, please do not stir up our rebellious sentiment towards the Chinese. The more you do, the more our folks suffer and ‘disappear’.
Spend your energy elsewhere. The choices are unlimited: CEOs enjoying outrageous benefits/bonuses from companies receiving bailouts, or killing Iraqi children in a war you cannot afford. Hope you folks can find the mass destruction weapon in Iraq some days.
Everywhere in China, you see Tibetan cultures have been maintained – different from what your ‘reporters’ report. All the minorities have been exempted from the one-child policy. Check out this link. Do they look oppressed to you?
It sounds like propaganda. I want you to know that I have no connection with the Chinese government. Your action on the wheel-chair torch bearer for Olympic showed the world how barbarous and coward you are.
I just want to be realistic and the world at least my world will be more peaceful without your demonstrations. I wrote the above from the mind of a silent majority of Tibetans.
First, thanks you all. Now, I’m a naturalized US citizen collecting generous welfare benefits. You do not understand how my life has been improved staying here. Just imagine living in the highest mountain in your country year round.
There are always folks wanting to be kings and queens. They have their ambitions and revolutionary ideas. The last ones went to India after the failed revolt sponsored by CIA. Please let me know who sponsor today’s Tibetan movements – not seem to be a Mickey Mouse production. They do not speak for the common folks who just want a peaceful life.
News on Tibet must feed a lot of reporters in the west but hurt their conscience. Some are not true. The recent Tibetan riot was started when Han Chinese were murdered but was reported wrongly with photos that were bought and modified to indicate it was the other way round. To be fair, Chinese reporters are no angels.
The Chinese will not give up Tibet. It is the major water source for most of Asia. We get more from the Chinese than giving back. How many territories within a country become independent? Our standard of living improves substantially and so is our literacy rate.
The new train and the proposed 750 small dams to generate electricity are recent gifts. I bet the extraction of natural Chinese will improve our living standard further. It is the same as opening a casino in an Indian reservation. The benefits outnumber the drawbacks.
China had been ruled by Mongolians and Manchurians. We’re one of the 55 minorities, same as the blacks in your country or the Quebec French in Canada. Dali Lama must be the best salesman on earth with the circus of silly and most likely uneducated Hollywood celebrities - most of them approved Polanski in raping a 13 year girl. If there were one like him for Mongolia, one for Manchuria, you guys will be busy for a long while.
Unless you can convince your congress to send soldiers to ‘liberate’ us, please do not stir up our rebellious sentiment towards the Chinese. The more you do, the more our folks suffer and ‘disappear’.
Spend your energy elsewhere. The choices are unlimited: CEOs enjoying outrageous benefits/bonuses from companies receiving bailouts, or killing Iraqi children in a war you cannot afford. Hope you folks can find the mass destruction weapon in Iraq some days.
Everywhere in China, you see Tibetan cultures have been maintained – different from what your ‘reporters’ report. All the minorities have been exempted from the one-child policy. Check out this link. Do they look oppressed to you?
It sounds like propaganda. I want you to know that I have no connection with the Chinese government. Your action on the wheel-chair torch bearer for Olympic showed the world how barbarous and coward you are.
I just want to be realistic and the world at least my world will be more peaceful without your demonstrations. I wrote the above from the mind of a silent majority of Tibetans.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
** Amazing Picture
the picture
This is the MOST AMAZING picture..........
Click on the link at the bottom to open picture. The control for the picture is in the upper left. Press the + sign to zoom in, or the arrows to move right, left, up or down. If the picture looks fuzzy give it a second to clarify.
This is a remarkable panorama of the inauguration. It might not work well with a dial-up modem, but you can actually focus in on faces near the back of the crowd- nearly 1/2 mile!
For fun, focus on Obama (center stage) and then look behind him. There's Clarence Thomas seemingly asleep, Dick Cheney in his wheelchair, Clinton, Gore, Bush 41 and even Dan Quayle! Scalia is sitting there looking like the Grand Inquisitor. The clarity is amazing!
The technology is truly amazing- and it's un-classified! Imagine what our spy agencies can see with classified technology!!!
Lost in translation & tough language to learn
Beijing sign #1
Beijing sign #2
Another one "Having Fun is prohibited".
---------
Circulated to me from Dan from FM:
洋人求學記
有一個老外為了學好漢語，不遠萬里，來到中國，拜師于一位國學教授門下。第一天老外想挑一個簡單詞彙學習，便向老師請教英語”I”在漢語中應該如何說。
老師解釋道：
中國是一個官本位國家，當你處在不同的級別、地位，”I”也有不同的變化，就象
你們英語中的形容詞有原級、比較級、最高級一樣。
比如，你剛來中國，沒有地位，對普通人可以說：”我、咱、俺、餘、吾、予、儂、某、咱家、洒家、俺咱、本人、個人、人家、吾儂、我儂。”
如果見到老師、長輩和上級，則應該說：”區區、僕、鄙、愚、走、鄙人、卑人、敝人、鄙夫、鄙軀、鄙愚、貧身、小子、小可、在下、末學、小生、不佞、不才、不材、小材、不肖、不孝、不類、走狗、牛馬走、愚小子、鄙生、貧生、學生、後學、晚生、晩學、後生晚學、予末小子、予小子、餘小子。”
等到你當了官以後，見到上級和皇帝，則應該說：”職、卑職、下官、臣、臣子、小臣、鄙臣、愚臣、奴婢、奴才、小人、老奴、小的、小底。”
見到平級，則可以說：”愚兄、為兄、小弟、兄弟、愚弟、哥們。”
見到下級，則可以說：”爺們、老子、大老子、你老子、乃公。”
如果你混得好，當上了皇帝或王爺，則可以說：”朕、孤、孤王、孤家、寡人、不轂。”
如果你不願意當官，只好去當和尚、道士，則應該說：”貧道、小道、貧僧、貧衲、不慧、小僧、野僧、老衲、老僧。”
最後一點必須注意，一旦你退休了，便一下子失去了權利和地位，見人也矮了三分，只好說：”老朽、老拙、老夫、愚老、老叟、小老、小老兒、老漢、老可、老軀、老僕、老物、朽人、老我、老骨頭。”
上面一百零八種”I”，僅僅是男性的常用說法。更多的”I”明天講解。
老外聽了老師一席話，頓覺冷水澆頭,一個晚上沒有睡好覺。第二天一大早便 向 老師辭行：”學生、愚、不材、末學、走。”退了房間，訂了機票，回國去了
Beijing sign #2
Another one "Having Fun is prohibited".
---------
Circulated to me from Dan from FM:
洋人求學記
有一個老外為了學好漢語，不遠萬里，來到中國，拜師于一位國學教授門下。第一天老外想挑一個簡單詞彙學習，便向老師請教英語”I”在漢語中應該如何說。
老師解釋道：
中國是一個官本位國家，當你處在不同的級別、地位，”I”也有不同的變化，就象
你們英語中的形容詞有原級、比較級、最高級一樣。
比如，你剛來中國，沒有地位，對普通人可以說：”我、咱、俺、餘、吾、予、儂、某、咱家、洒家、俺咱、本人、個人、人家、吾儂、我儂。”
如果見到老師、長輩和上級，則應該說：”區區、僕、鄙、愚、走、鄙人、卑人、敝人、鄙夫、鄙軀、鄙愚、貧身、小子、小可、在下、末學、小生、不佞、不才、不材、小材、不肖、不孝、不類、走狗、牛馬走、愚小子、鄙生、貧生、學生、後學、晚生、晩學、後生晚學、予末小子、予小子、餘小子。”
等到你當了官以後，見到上級和皇帝，則應該說：”職、卑職、下官、臣、臣子、小臣、鄙臣、愚臣、奴婢、奴才、小人、老奴、小的、小底。”
見到平級，則可以說：”愚兄、為兄、小弟、兄弟、愚弟、哥們。”
見到下級，則可以說：”爺們、老子、大老子、你老子、乃公。”
如果你混得好，當上了皇帝或王爺，則可以說：”朕、孤、孤王、孤家、寡人、不轂。”
如果你不願意當官，只好去當和尚、道士，則應該說：”貧道、小道、貧僧、貧衲、不慧、小僧、野僧、老衲、老僧。”
最後一點必須注意，一旦你退休了，便一下子失去了權利和地位，見人也矮了三分，只好說：”老朽、老拙、老夫、愚老、老叟、小老、小老兒、老漢、老可、老軀、老僕、老物、朽人、老我、老骨頭。”
上面一百零八種”I”，僅僅是男性的常用說法。更多的”I”明天講解。
老外聽了老師一席話，頓覺冷水澆頭,一個晚上沒有睡好覺。第二天一大早便 向 老師辭行：”學生、愚、不材、末學、走。”退了房間，訂了機票，回國去了
* Chinaman for president
I promise every citizen will have a couch and unlimited supply of potato chip. Here are my solutions to all our problems.
Federal deficit. No more foreign invasion like Iraq. Enough billions will be saved to fulfill my above promise for many generations to come!
Trade deficit. Sell every missile, atomic bomb and carrier to China as we do not need them any more. Make the Chinese promise not to use them against us, or we can change the GPS to reroute all the missiles back to Beijing.
Economy. Only bail out greedy companies as greed is good. How hard to speed up the money printing machine? Or, borrow more from China. No money, no import.
Human rights. No gun for our citizens. If that Chinese had an AK 45 in the Beijing Olympic incidence, imagine how many would be killed. Learn from the human right lovers.
Illegal immigrants. When caught, send them to Alaska for the hardest labor on earth. I bet even the dumbest Mexican will not come here illegally. Problem solved. The nice guy I pay pennies to clean up my yard is the only exception.
Education. Just import some smart, young, educated Chinese that they have plenty to spare. Why spend billions to produce mediocre college graduates who cannot count from 1 to 12 (unless they have 12 fingers)?
Social welfare. All welfare cheaters including all politicians will be sent to China for re-education. Cheap and effective.
Obesity. The more walking refrigerators we have, the wealthier we look. Feel sorry for the skinny Chinese suffering from malnutrition.
Medical Delivery. You do not pay, you die. Crude but very effective way to encourage you to work hard, save, small government, and do not blame all your problems on others.
Permissibility. Encourage teenage pregnancy - our politicians set up great examples. There will be more under-aged gymnasts to choose from.
Social security. Import more young foreigners for jobs, hence contributing to social security. Encourage old citizens to die early to reduce the draw from the pot by giving them unlimited supply of Viagra, alcohol…
Politicians. They tell you what you want to hear: no income tax, bailout, rebate checks, and free medical delivery. They think you’re stupid enough not to ask “where the money comes from”.
This message is approved (as all dumb politicians with no creativity would say) by your friendly Chinese government, who wants you buy more couches and potato chips.
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Original satire
Federal deficit. No more foreign invasion like Iraq. Enough billions will be saved to fulfill my above promise for many generations to come!
Trade deficit. Sell every missile, atomic bomb and carrier to China as we do not need them any more. Make the Chinese promise not to use them against us, or we can change the GPS to reroute all the missiles back to Beijing.
Economy. Only bail out greedy companies as greed is good. How hard to speed up the money printing machine? Or, borrow more from China. No money, no import.
Human rights. No gun for our citizens. If that Chinese had an AK 45 in the Beijing Olympic incidence, imagine how many would be killed. Learn from the human right lovers.
Illegal immigrants. When caught, send them to Alaska for the hardest labor on earth. I bet even the dumbest Mexican will not come here illegally. Problem solved. The nice guy I pay pennies to clean up my yard is the only exception.
Education. Just import some smart, young, educated Chinese that they have plenty to spare. Why spend billions to produce mediocre college graduates who cannot count from 1 to 12 (unless they have 12 fingers)?
Social welfare. All welfare cheaters including all politicians will be sent to China for re-education. Cheap and effective.
Obesity. The more walking refrigerators we have, the wealthier we look. Feel sorry for the skinny Chinese suffering from malnutrition.
Medical Delivery. You do not pay, you die. Crude but very effective way to encourage you to work hard, save, small government, and do not blame all your problems on others.
Permissibility. Encourage teenage pregnancy - our politicians set up great examples. There will be more under-aged gymnasts to choose from.
Social security. Import more young foreigners for jobs, hence contributing to social security. Encourage old citizens to die early to reduce the draw from the pot by giving them unlimited supply of Viagra, alcohol…
Politicians. They tell you what you want to hear: no income tax, bailout, rebate checks, and free medical delivery. They think you’re stupid enough not to ask “where the money comes from”.
This message is approved (as all dumb politicians with no creativity would say) by your friendly Chinese government, who wants you buy more couches and potato chips.
----
Original satire
Throwing shoe at Mr Wen
Please do not throw your shoe at Mr. Wen unless it is a luxury brand costing hundreds of dollars. If you do, you need to throw the entire pair, so I can donate them to the poor. Now, you need to buy a pair of shoes from China to help their regime.
You need to be more creative - copycat has no place in our society. I understand your energy, good nature and idealism. I was the same when I was at your age. I hope you’re there to protest for China when your ancestors pushed opium to China.
It is history that the Britain’s evil parliament approved to send warships to enforce the opium trade to China. The alliance of foreign countries burned China’s summer palace, looted all the treasures… Imagine some foreigners come to London, loot your Buckingham Palace, and burned it down.
Spend your energy elsewhere. The choices are unlimited: CEOs enjoying outrageous benefits/bonuses from companies receiving bailouts, or helping US to kill Iraqi children in a war you cannot afford.
Your similar action on the wheel-chair torch bearer for Olympic showed the world how barbarous and coward you are. If the one being attacked were Yao Ming, you would be a man.
----
Original satire.
You need to be more creative - copycat has no place in our society. I understand your energy, good nature and idealism. I was the same when I was at your age. I hope you’re there to protest for China when your ancestors pushed opium to China.
It is history that the Britain’s evil parliament approved to send warships to enforce the opium trade to China. The alliance of foreign countries burned China’s summer palace, looted all the treasures… Imagine some foreigners come to London, loot your Buckingham Palace, and burned it down.
Spend your energy elsewhere. The choices are unlimited: CEOs enjoying outrageous benefits/bonuses from companies receiving bailouts, or helping US to kill Iraqi children in a war you cannot afford.
Your similar action on the wheel-chair torch bearer for Olympic showed the world how barbarous and coward you are. If the one being attacked were Yao Ming, you would be a man.
----
Original satire.
Wrong e-mail address
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before. Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Friday, and his wife was flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, and he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without noticing his error, sent the email to the wrong address.
Meanwhile…somewhere in Houston … A widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a Minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and then fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I have Arrived!
Dearest Love:
I know you are surprised to hear from me… They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send email to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
See you soon,
your loving Husband
P.S. It's sure damn hot down here.
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