* Sex for seniors

It is an e-mail from my high school classmate. The entire incident is real except the names have been changed to protect the innocent parties.

——-

Dear classmates,

LOVEMAKING TIPS FOR SENIORS:

1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner’s name on your hand in case you can’t remember.

6. Keep the polygrip close by so your teeth don’t end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.

10. Don’t even think about trying it twice.

(This was sent in large type so you can read it.)

Sincerely, Pauline.

————–

My reply.

Hi Pauline and all classmates,

Ha, ha, Pauline. ROTFL. It MUST be from your experience, thanks for sharing.

I like to add (not from my experience though).

11. Take Viagra at least 5 hours earlier - allow time for your weak body to digest and distribute to the right organ.

12. Take pills for your high blood pressure before and after.

13. After it is done, mark it on the calendar, so you know when to do it again - do not depend on your poor memory. If your calendar does not have dates for next year, buy one even it is your last dollar.

14. If your partner died fortunately or unfortunately during the exercise, it would be great on your resume. Check whether s/he has a smile on the face and let us know.

15. If you cannot make love due to the big bellies in between, it is quite normal and medically we call it ‘mission impossible’. Consult some Chinese and Indian old books on special techniques/positions. If it still fails, call Dr. Ruth immediately.

Again thanks for sharing this important information. Your sincerity and honesty are greatly appreciated. I hope it will be useful to me 20 years later. At the mean time, practice, practice, and more practice.

Tony