> 出生一張紙，開始一輩子；畢業一張紙，奮鬥一輩子；
>
>
> 婚姻一張紙，折磨一輩子；做官一張紙，鬥爭一輩子；
>
> 金錢一張紙，辛苦一輩子；榮譽一張紙，虛名一輩子；
>
> 看病一張紙，痛苦一輩子； 悼詞一張紙，了結一輩子；
>
> 淡化這些紙，明白一輩子； 忘了這些紙，快樂一輩子!
>
>
>
> 這周是世界好友周，如果你願意，
> 請把這條資訊發給你所有的好朋友。
>
> 也包括我......看有多少人會回發給你。當大部分人都在關注你飛得高不高時，
>
> 只有少部分人關心你飛得累不累，
> 這就是友情。
>
> 再忙，也要照顧好自己，
> 朋友雖不常聯繫，卻一直惦念。
>
> 天涼時記著多穿衣！
> 世界好友周快樂！
>
> 少喝奶茶、不吃剛烤好的麵包，
> 遠離正在充電的電源。
>
> 白天多喝水，晚上少喝，一天不喝多於兩杯的咖啡。
>
> 少吃油多的食物，
> 最佳睡眠為晚上十點至早上六點。
>
> 晚上五點後少吃大餐，
> ?每天喝酒不超過一杯。
>
> 不用冷水服膠囊，
> 睡前半小時服藥忌立刻躺下。
>
> 睡眠不足八小時人會變笨，
> 有午睡習慣的人不易老。
>
> 手機電池剩一格時不要打電話，
> 剩一格時輻射是平時的一千倍。
>
>
>
> 新概念
>
> 一個中心：一切以健康為中心。
>
> 兩個基本點：遇事瀟灑一點，看世糊塗一點。
>
> 三個忘記：
> 忘記年齡， 忘記過去，
> 忘記恩怨。
>
> 四個擁有：無論你有多弱或多強，一定要
> 擁有真正愛你的人，
> 擁有知心的朋友，
>
>
> 擁有向上的事業，擁有溫暖的住所。
>
>
> 五個要：唱， 要跳， 要俏， 要笑，
> 要苗條。
>
> 六個不能：不能餓了才吃，不能渴了才喝，不能困了才睡，不能累了才歇，不能病
>
>
> 了才檢查，
> 不能老了再後悔。
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Jewish Jeopardy Questions
Q: What is a Jewish ménage-a-trois
A: Two headaches and an erection.
Q: Why did Adam and Eve have a perfect marriage?
A: He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have
married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked
Q: What business is a yenta in?
A: Yours.
Q: How do Jewish wives get their children ready for supper?
A: They put them in the car.
Q: What is the technical term for a divorced Jewish woman?
A: Plaintiff.
Q! What does a Jewish woman do to keep her hands soft and her
nails long?
A: Nothing at all.
Q: Define "genius"…
A: An average student with a Jewish mother.
Q: If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish, what would Cheetah be?
A: A fur coat.
Q: What do you call the nipple on a Jewish wife's breast?
A: The tip of the iceberg.
Q: What mechanical device causes the most arousal in a Jewish woman?
A: A Mercedes Benz 560SL convertible.
Jewish proverb: "A Jewish wife will forgive and forget, but she'll
never forget what she forgave.."
One of life's mysteries - how a 2 lb. box of chocolates can make
a Jewish woman gain 5 lbs.
The trouble with some Jewish women is that they get all excited
about nothing and then they marry him.
A Bar mitzvah is defined as the day when a Jewish boy comes to
realize that he is more likely to own a professional sports
team than he is to play for one.
A pill was developed to increase the sexual desire of Jewish
women. There is only one side effect. A headache.
Newspaper Headlines
“Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter”
This one I caught in the Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day..
I just couldn't help but sending this along. Too funny.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No crap, really? Ya think?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------------------------------
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
----------------------------------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
-------------------------------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
****************************************
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half < /SPAN>
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
***************************************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*******************************************
And the winner is.....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
This one I caught in the Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day..
I just couldn't help but sending this along. Too funny.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No crap, really? Ya think?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------------------------------
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
----------------------------------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
-------------------------------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
****************************************
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half < /SPAN>
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
***************************************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*******************************************
And the winner is.....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
驚魂
深夜，最後一班公車，司機回頭看，還有一位白衣女士，坐在最後一排。
司機繼續開車，看看倒車鏡，那女的不見了，大驚!!!
急剎車，回頭一看，女人還是坐在原來的位子。
司機繼續開車，看看倒車鏡，那女的不見了，大驚!!!
急剎車，回頭一看，女人還是坐在原來的位子。
司機心虛的轉過頭，繼續開車，小心的看看倒車鏡，女人又不見了!!!
巨驚後，急剎車，回頭一看，那女人又出現了。
司機面臨崩潰，一身冷汗，轉過頭繼續開車。
巨驚後，急剎車，回頭一看，那女人又出現了。
司機面臨崩潰，一身冷汗，轉過頭繼續開車。
又看看倒車鏡，那女人又不見了!!!
司機崩潰了，急剎車，但沒有再轉過頭去。
這時，那個女人緩慢的走到了他的身旁，
這時，那個女人緩慢的走到了他的身旁，
頭髮淩亂，滿臉是血，滴在他的腳邊，
司機身體已經僵硬，不敢轉過頭去看她…
司機身體已經僵硬，不敢轉過頭去看她…
那女人用很低沈的聲音說：
“老娘和你有仇啊？老娘一彎腰綁鞋帶，你就急剎車！一彎腰綁鞋帶，你就急剎車!!! L
“老娘和你有仇啊？老娘一彎腰綁鞋帶，你就急剎車！一彎腰綁鞋帶，你就急剎車!!! L
人們在日常生活中，對許多的人事物
就是這樣的有本事「捕風捉影」，
嚇自己的不是「別人或外境」，
是「自己天馬行空的心」。
Wife 和 Husband in Chinese
據舊華社報導，
一位老外在中國準備長期居留，
於是，
他報名了專給老外準備的中文課程。
一位老外在中國準備長期居留，
於是，
他報名了專給老外準備的中文課程。
第一堂課教兩個英文單詞的中文解釋
--wife和husband。
老師的要求是必須記住以下解釋：
Wife =
1妻子，
2老婆，
3太太，
4夫人，
5老伴，
6愛人，
7內人，
8媳婦，
9那口子，
10拙荊，
11賢內助，
12對象，
13孩他媽，
14孩他娘，
15內子，
16婆娘，
17糟糠，
18娃他娘，
19崽他娘，
20山妻，
21賤內，
22賤荊，
23女人，
24馬子，
25主婦，
26女主人，
27財政部長，
28紀檢委，
29渾人，
30娘子，
31屋裏的，
32另一半，
33女當家，
34渾家，
35髮妻，
36堂客，
37婆姨，
38領導，
39燒火婆，
40黃臉婆
Husband =
1，丈夫
2，愛人
3，那口子
4，當家的
5，掌櫃的
6，不正經的
7，潑皮
8，不爭氣的
9，沒出息的
10，該死的
11，死鬼
12，死人
13，傻子
14，臭不要臉的
15，孩子他爹
16，孩子他親爹
17，哎
18，老公
19，豬
20，親愛的
21，先生
22，官人
23，相公
24，大人
25，挨千刀的
26，老伴
27，男客
還沒下課，
老外已吐血而亡.
跟乳癌說 ByeBye 的水果
我們都聽過乳癌,但不知如何預防?
現在有小小秘方，別忘了告訴你的好友。
乳癌，它一直都是女性朋友的隱憂，想想萬一要把最能讓人注目的部位切除掉，那是多麼難過的事啊！
不過你知道嗎？有個水果可是可以讓你跟乳癌說 bye bye 喔！
加拿大氰化物大學研究人員發現，番茄汁內所含的番茄紅素具有防止乳癌的效果，
特別是像番茄醬、番茄汁或是番茄湯等經過加工的番茄食品的番茄紅素特別容易為人體吸引，
降低罹患乳癌的效果比直接生吃番茄還要好。
如果達到預防效果每天須吸收廿五毫克的番茄紅素。
英國『衛報』報導，
前此有研究顯示食用蕃茄可以減少男人罹患攝護腺癌和心臟病機率，
而這項由一家蕃茄醬公司贊助的研究則發現，蕃茄、西瓜與紅葡萄呈現紅色
現在有小小秘方，別忘了告訴你的好友。
乳癌，它一直都是女性朋友的隱憂，想想萬一要把最能讓人注目的部位切除掉，那是多麼難過的事啊！
不過你知道嗎？有個水果可是可以讓你跟乳癌說 bye bye 喔！
加拿大氰化物大學研究人員發現，番茄汁內所含的番茄紅素具有防止乳癌的效果，
特別是像番茄醬、番茄汁或是番茄湯等經過加工的番茄食品的番茄紅素特別容易為人體吸引，
降低罹患乳癌的效果比直接生吃番茄還要好。
如果達到預防效果每天須吸收廿五毫克的番茄紅素。
英國『衛報』報導，
前此有研究顯示食用蕃茄可以減少男人罹患攝護腺癌和心臟病機率，
而這項由一家蕃茄醬公司贊助的研究則發現，蕃茄、西瓜與紅葡萄呈現紅色
的蕃茄 紅素可以預防乳癌、子宮頸癌、前列腺癌、結腸癌與心臟病，
其中又以預防乳癌的效 果特 別顯著。 而且也應吃足量的新鮮蔬果以維健康
去脂食物
(1)凍豆腐
根據報導指出，凍豆腐能吸收胃腸道以及全身組織的脂肪，有利脂肪的排泄。
(2) 鳳梨
鳳梨有蛋白質分解酵素，具有分解魚、肉的功能，吃過大餐後可以 吃它。
但是吃涼的東西會不舒服的人，儘量少吃 它。
(3) 陳皮
漢方的陳皮，對脾、肺很好，可以幫助消化、排除胃部的氣、減少 腹部脂肪
的堆 積。 但是有心臟、血管毛病的人最好少吃 ！
(4) 薏仁
味道微甜的薏仁除了美白治痘，對水腫型的肥胖也很有幫助。 但是孕婦禁止吃哦 ！
(5) 烏賊
烏賊的脂肪含量，每 100g才有 0.7g，是很不容易害妳變胖的食物。
(6) 木瓜
木瓜有輕微的興奮作用。本草綱目說，木瓜可以去水腫、治腳氣病 。
關節不好的人，也可以吃木瓜改善哦！
(7) 綠豆芽
含有較高的磷、鐵之外，主要含有大量的水份，多吃綠豆芽，也不易形成脂肪在皮下。
Monday, July 27, 2009
Catholic Heart Attack
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment.
She asked if he had health insurance.
He replied, in a raspy voice, 'No health insurance.'
He replied, in a raspy voice, 'No health insurance.'
The nun asked if he had money in the bank.
He replied. 'No money in the bank.'
He replied. 'No money in the bank.'
The nun asked, 'Do you have a relative who could help you?'
He said, 'I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun.
The nun became agitated and announced loudly,
He said, 'I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun.
The nun became agitated and announced loudly,
'Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.
The patient replied, 'Please send the bill to my brother-in-law."
Saturday, July 25, 2009
POWER OUTAGE DURING A MAMMOGRAM
I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown.
Everything clear?" I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This isn't rocket science." Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
Everything clear?" I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This isn't rocket science." Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?"
Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?
My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off! "Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the door.
"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back."
Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared.
And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass!
After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.
Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks."
You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.
An hour later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry!" The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"
And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the
clamps.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Bloode Joke #n
A blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners...
The Asian lady behind the counter thanks her, and says "come again".
The Blonde says........ "No, it's actually toothpaste this time, you nosy
bitch".
The Asian lady behind the counter thanks her, and says "come again".
The Blonde says........ "No, it's actually toothpaste this time, you nosy
bitch".
女人是花心的
女人是花心的
據中科院最新研究結果.男人和女人在不同年齡階段最愛的人分別是:
0~~5歲,
女人:媽媽.
男人:媽媽.
6~~10歲:
女人:不是討厭的男孩就行.
男人:能和我一起欺負其它人的男孩.
11~~15歲:
女人:十六七八九歲的大男孩,只要不是本班的那一幫就行.
男人:籃球,足球,乒乓球,網球......
16~~25歲:
女人:26歲至29歲的有事業基礎,有品位,有才華的男人.
男人:20歲至24歲的漂亮,有身段的女人.
25~~30歲:
女人:堅持要比自己大的男人.
男人:20歲至24歲的漂亮,有身段的女人
30~~40歲:
女人:心靈契合的男人.
男人:20歲至24歲的漂亮,有身段的女人
40~~50歲:
女人:男人.
男人:20歲至24歲的漂亮,有身段的女人
50~~60歲:
女人:能和她終老的男人.
男人:20歲至24歲的漂亮,有身段的女人.
70~~80歲:
女人:和他在一起,不需要自己照顧的男人
男人:20歲至24歲的漂亮,有身段的女人.
0~~5歲,
女人:媽媽.
男人:媽媽.
6~~10歲:
女人:不是討厭的男孩就行.
男人:能和我一起欺負其它人的男孩.
11~~15歲:
女人:十六七八九歲的大男孩,只要不是本班的那一幫就行.
男人:籃球,足球,乒乓球,網球......
16~~25歲:
女人:26歲至29歲的有事業基礎,有品位,有才華的男人.
男人:20歲至24歲的漂亮,有身段的女人.
25~~30歲:
女人:堅持要比自己大的男人.
男人:20歲至24歲的漂亮,有身段的女人
30~~40歲:
女人:心靈契合的男人.
男人:20歲至24歲的漂亮,有身段的女人
40~~50歲:
女人:男人.
男人:20歲至24歲的漂亮,有身段的女人
50~~60歲:
女人:能和她終老的男人.
男人:20歲至24歲的漂亮,有身段的女人.
70~~80歲:
女人:和他在一起,不需要自己照顧的男人
男人:20歲至24歲的漂亮,有身段的女人.
80~~90歲:
女人:死在自己後面的男人.
男人:我雖然已經老眼昏花.不過我還是希望20歲至24歲的漂亮,有身段的女人.
女人:死在自己後面的男人.
男人:我雖然已經老眼昏花.不過我還是希望20歲至24歲的漂亮,有身段的女人.
結論:男人是專一的，女人是花心的！
Thursday, July 23, 2009
God of Gods
My mother was baptised. According to the Bible preaching, her family including me can go to heaven., even if I were a robber.
Repent and you go to heaven even if you're a bad criminal all your life. It does not make a lot of sense to me.
Why the rich folk is harder to go to heaven than a camel going thru a needle's eye? The rich man most likely works hard and/or leads a frugal life while a poor man is likely lazy and/or spends all his money for fun.
性本善 translates as 'babies are kind' vs 'Bible says man has sin when he was born'. Culture crashes?
Christianity also conflicts with (1) evolution (we should be evolved from an ape). (2) did we have written language to record Eve and Adam incident?
Westerns see a light in the tunnel near death, but not Asians. The Chinese ghosts stick their tongues out and jump, but not the western equivalent.
Religions are good preaching us to do good. It is not a bargain for going to heaven or having an eternal life to me.
Why I cannot argue with Christian friends on ideas if they're different from their Sunday's preachers?
The preachings are being misinterpreted. This is why folks kill in the name of religion through out history and in modern time.
Did that preachers motivate the mentally retarded followers to bomb abortion clinics?
How about all the fighting in the Middle East today and the Crusade era? No gay right? Why we preach hatred instead of love?
If there is no heaven, all the suicidal bombers wasted their lives for nothing for themselves. I do not condone what they did. However, it is their only way for them to fight the big guns from the west. If we had more of them during WW2, the Japs would not be that easy to conquer China.
As a child molester, is Michael Jackson worse than those Catholic priests committing same crime? If Vatican is a country, the Pope could be impeached covering up the incidents.
My knowledge in religions is limited. Please enlighten me.
Repent and you go to heaven even if you're a bad criminal all your life. It does not make a lot of sense to me.
Why the rich folk is harder to go to heaven than a camel going thru a needle's eye? The rich man most likely works hard and/or leads a frugal life while a poor man is likely lazy and/or spends all his money for fun.
性本善 translates as 'babies are kind' vs 'Bible says man has sin when he was born'. Culture crashes?
Christianity also conflicts with (1) evolution (we should be evolved from an ape). (2) did we have written language to record Eve and Adam incident?
Westerns see a light in the tunnel near death, but not Asians. The Chinese ghosts stick their tongues out and jump, but not the western equivalent.
Religions are good preaching us to do good. It is not a bargain for going to heaven or having an eternal life to me.
Why I cannot argue with Christian friends on ideas if they're different from their Sunday's preachers?
The preachings are being misinterpreted. This is why folks kill in the name of religion through out history and in modern time.
Did that preachers motivate the mentally retarded followers to bomb abortion clinics?
How about all the fighting in the Middle East today and the Crusade era? No gay right? Why we preach hatred instead of love?
If there is no heaven, all the suicidal bombers wasted their lives for nothing for themselves. I do not condone what they did. However, it is their only way for them to fight the big guns from the west. If we had more of them during WW2, the Japs would not be that easy to conquer China.
As a child molester, is Michael Jackson worse than those Catholic priests committing same crime? If Vatican is a country, the Pope could be impeached covering up the incidents.
My knowledge in religions is limited. Please enlighten me.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
給孩子的備忘錄
> 我兒:
>
> 寫這備忘錄給你，基於三個原則：
>
> (一）人生福禍無常，誰也不知可以活多久，有些事情還是早一點說好。
>
> (二）我是你的父親，我不跟你說，沒有人會跟你說。
>
> (三）這備忘錄里記載的，都是我經過慘痛失敗得回來的體驗，可以為你的成長省回不少冤枉路。
>
>
> 以下，便是你在人生中要好好記住的事：
>
> （一）
> 對你不好的人，你不要太介懷，在你一生中，沒有人有義務要對你好，除了我和你媽媽。
>
>
>
> 至於那些對你好的人，你除了要珍惜、感恩外，也請多防備一點，因為，每個人做每件事，總有一個原因，他對你好，未必真的是因為喜歡你，請你必須搞清楚，而不必太快將對方看作真朋友。
>
> （二）
> 沒有人是不可代替，沒有東西是必須擁有。看透了這一點，將來你身邊的人不再要你，或許失去了世間上最愛的一切時，也應該明白，這並不是甚麼大不了的事。
>
> （三）
> 生命是短暫的，今日你還在浪費著生命，明日會發覺生命已遠離你了。因此，愈早珍惜生命，你享受生命的日子也愈多，與其盼望長壽，倒不如早點享受。
>
> （四）
> 世界上並沒有最愛這回事，愛情只是一種霎時的感覺，而這感覺絕對會隨時日、心境而改變。如果你的所謂最愛離開你，請耐心地等候一下，讓時日慢慢沖洗，讓心靈慢慢沉澱，你的苦就會慢慢淡化。不要過分憧憬愛情的美，不要過分誇大失戀的悲。
>
>
>
> （五）
> 雖然，很多有成就的人士都有受過很多教育，但並不等如不用功讀書，就一定可以成功。
>
>
> 你學到的知識，就是你擁有的武器。人，可以白手興家，但不可以手無寸鐵，緊記！
>
>
> （六）
> 我不會要求你供養我下半輩子，同樣地我也不會供養你的下半輩子，當你長大到可以獨立的時候，我的責任已經完結。以後，你要坐巴士還是Benz，吃魚翅還是粉絲，都要自己負責。
>
> （七）
> 你可以要求自己守信，但不能要求別人守信，你可以要求自己對人好，但不能期待人家對你好。你怎樣對人，並不代表人家就會怎樣對你，如果看不透這一點，你只會徒添不必要的煩惱。
>
> （八）
> 我買了十多二十年六合彩，還是一窮二白，連三獎也沒有中，這證明人要發達，還是要努力工作才可以，世界上並沒有免費午餐。
>
> （九）
> 親人只有一次的緣份，無論這輩子我和你會相處多久，也請好好珍惜共聚的時光，下輩子，無論愛與不愛，都不會再見。
>
>
> 你的爸爸
> 梁繼璋
>
>
>
>
> 寫這備忘錄給你，基於三個原則：
>
> (一）人生福禍無常，誰也不知可以活多久，有些事情還是早一點說好。
>
> (二）我是你的父親，我不跟你說，沒有人會跟你說。
>
> (三）這備忘錄里記載的，都是我經過慘痛失敗得回來的體驗，可以為你的成長省回不少冤枉路。
>
>
> 以下，便是你在人生中要好好記住的事：
>
> （一）
> 對你不好的人，你不要太介懷，在你一生中，沒有人有義務要對你好，除了我和你媽媽。
>
>
>
> 至於那些對你好的人，你除了要珍惜、感恩外，也請多防備一點，因為，每個人做每件事，總有一個原因，他對你好，未必真的是因為喜歡你，請你必須搞清楚，而不必太快將對方看作真朋友。
>
> （二）
> 沒有人是不可代替，沒有東西是必須擁有。看透了這一點，將來你身邊的人不再要你，或許失去了世間上最愛的一切時，也應該明白，這並不是甚麼大不了的事。
>
> （三）
> 生命是短暫的，今日你還在浪費著生命，明日會發覺生命已遠離你了。因此，愈早珍惜生命，你享受生命的日子也愈多，與其盼望長壽，倒不如早點享受。
>
> （四）
> 世界上並沒有最愛這回事，愛情只是一種霎時的感覺，而這感覺絕對會隨時日、心境而改變。如果你的所謂最愛離開你，請耐心地等候一下，讓時日慢慢沖洗，讓心靈慢慢沉澱，你的苦就會慢慢淡化。不要過分憧憬愛情的美，不要過分誇大失戀的悲。
>
>
>
> （五）
> 雖然，很多有成就的人士都有受過很多教育，但並不等如不用功讀書，就一定可以成功。
>
>
> 你學到的知識，就是你擁有的武器。人，可以白手興家，但不可以手無寸鐵，緊記！
>
>
> （六）
> 我不會要求你供養我下半輩子，同樣地我也不會供養你的下半輩子，當你長大到可以獨立的時候，我的責任已經完結。以後，你要坐巴士還是Benz，吃魚翅還是粉絲，都要自己負責。
>
> （七）
> 你可以要求自己守信，但不能要求別人守信，你可以要求自己對人好，但不能期待人家對你好。你怎樣對人，並不代表人家就會怎樣對你，如果看不透這一點，你只會徒添不必要的煩惱。
>
> （八）
> 我買了十多二十年六合彩，還是一窮二白，連三獎也沒有中，這證明人要發達，還是要努力工作才可以，世界上並沒有免費午餐。
>
> （九）
> 親人只有一次的緣份，無論這輩子我和你會相處多久，也請好好珍惜共聚的時光，下輩子，無論愛與不愛，都不會再見。
>
>
> 你的爸爸
> 梁繼璋
>
>
>
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Low-life jokes
1. There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box.
The Female pencil got pregnant !!
Which Male pencil is responsible?
THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.
2. Woman in bed with husband's best friend,phone rings! 'YES'.. OK, BYE'.
She turns to her lover and says,
THAT'S MY HUBBY, SAYS HE'S NOW GOLFING WITH YOU..
3. Three Roosters: normal, retarded and a gay.
Normal : cock-a-doodle-dooo !!!
Retarded : doodle-cock-a-dooo !!!
Gay : any-cock-will dooo !!!
4. Three Guys were introduced to a girl.
Hi,...... I'm Peter, not a saint.
I'm Paul not a POPE.
I'm John not a Baptist...
The girl replied.. Hi... I'm Mary, not a VIRGIN.
5. Girlfriends are appetizers. Tastes good at any time.
Mistresses are Tomyams..Hot and spicy. Eaten frequently.
WIVES are Maggie. Eaten when there's nothing to eat.!!!
6. Income Tax office asked a Prostitute why she puts her occupation as CHICKEN FARMER.
She replied: I RAISED 5,000 COCKS LAST YEAR.!!
7. Yesterday's News :- A nun jogging at Jogger' Park was raped by 4 guys.
Today's News :- Nearly 100 nuns found jogging at the park.
8. Why do Indians talk non stop?
Guess.... Still dunno? OK lah.....
Answer : Becoz they left their full stop on their forehead.
Monday, July 20, 2009
THESE BLACK LADIES
There were three black ladies getting ready to take a plane trip for the first time.
The first lady said, 'I don't know bout y'all , but I'm gunna wear me sum hot pink panties beefo I get on dat plane.'
'Why you gonna wear dem fo?' the other two asked?
The first replied, 'Cause, if dat plane goes down and I'm out dare laying butt-up in a conefield, dey gonna find me first.'
The second lady said, 'Well, I'm a-gonna wear me some floeesant orange panties.'
'Why you gonna wear dem?' the others asked.
The second lady answered, 'Cause if dis hare plane is goin' down and I be floating butt-up in the oshun, dey can see me first.'
The third lady says, 'Well, I'm not gonna wear any panties........
'What? No panties?' the others asked in disbelief.
The third lady says, 'Dat's right girlfriends, you hears me right. I ain't wearing any panties, cause if dis plane goes down, honey, dey always look for da black box first.'
The first lady said, 'I don't know bout y'all , but I'm gunna wear me sum hot pink panties beefo I get on dat plane.'
'Why you gonna wear dem fo?' the other two asked?
The first replied, 'Cause, if dat plane goes down and I'm out dare laying butt-up in a conefield, dey gonna find me first.'
The second lady said, 'Well, I'm a-gonna wear me some floeesant orange panties.'
'Why you gonna wear dem?' the others asked.
The second lady answered, 'Cause if dis hare plane is goin' down and I be floating butt-up in the oshun, dey can see me first.'
The third lady says, 'Well, I'm not gonna wear any panties........
'What? No panties?' the others asked in disbelief.
The third lady says, 'Dat's right girlfriends, you hears me right. I ain't wearing any panties, cause if dis plane goes down, honey, dey always look for da black box first.'
港姐投訴信，勁考你中英文能力
Tony: there is nothing wrong with your English, Cantonese, and Chinese. It reminds me of the joke, the Chinese lady asked the foreigner, "If I am not speaking English, what kind of language I'm speaking."
----------------------
今屆參選港姐有人投訴被無線評判不禮貌對待，寫信去傳媒投訴不公平，如果你英文及廣東話都掂，請翻譯，投訴信原文如下：
----------------------
今屆參選港姐有人投訴被無線評判不禮貌對待，寫信去傳媒投訴不公平，如果你英文及廣東話都掂，請翻譯，投訴信原文如下：
我是 Lucy, I went to Miss Hong Kong first interview. Wah d judges very not polite and not nice law. Today I see a megazine saying this year's Girls so ugly. I saw many good and pretty girls there but they didn't choose ja ma. Don't choose mei suen law but the judge in first interview – most very not polite to many young girls and to to me law. I only 18 the judges ask me to "why join Miss HK go and why not study la u only F7 ja wor how can fright with other wor.", Also say my English bad… hurt die me.
Ho La, other girl tell me la, she study in University ok ga dou but little fat or short then the judge (woman) said "why you look fat or so short!" wah ho hurt ga ma.
One girl is a 博士 student ar very high level and very nice ga dou cant get in second interview la. We think she will be in ga but she said no law. You can search her pic and my pic to see la. She gum high level duo ng dak, gum me ng duk duo rite gei but i think the whole choosing is not fair law, choose model mei? young yao inch', high study level yao inch, short yao inch… They onky choose rich girl law so bad.
We don't go and let them inch ga law if they need tall or high level people then why not put in the application form lei.
Waste time! dou ng fair gei!
u can email me if u want.
Lucy
睇完個頭有少少痛！
Crazy Ben in China
Many of you have stories about your tough jobs. Here is one about an American working for a labor job in China for the experience.
http://benross.net/wordpress/barbershop-project/
It seems to be a modern Peace Corp job in China. The valuable experience could last for life and sth Ben can proudly tell his grandchildren.
My own experience as a laborer.
My grandchildren will never understand what I did for a buck. However, it is not bad at all and trained me to be a better man (becoming penny pincher and be careful about false advertising). My college mate (also from HK) told me there was a farm job opened today with a lot of beautiful Mexican girls (an obvious trap). After washing up and making myself look sharp, we rushed in for the job just before sun rise. No pretty ladies for sure, or they’re all hiding from me (could be my bad reputation).
http://benross.net/wordpress/barbershop-project/
It seems to be a modern Peace Corp job in China. The valuable experience could last for life and sth Ben can proudly tell his grandchildren.
My own experience as a laborer.
My grandchildren will never understand what I did for a buck. However, it is not bad at all and trained me to be a better man (becoming penny pincher and be careful about false advertising). My college mate (also from HK) told me there was a farm job opened today with a lot of beautiful Mexican girls (an obvious trap). After washing up and making myself look sharp, we rushed in for the job just before sun rise. No pretty ladies for sure, or they’re all hiding from me (could be my bad reputation).
We had to pick oranges to fill up a crate taller than I. After 4 hours of tough labor in temperature over 90, we’re all exhausted (kids from middle class HK never labor) and every one got about $1. With the $1, we went to a Swedish buffet, ate all the chicken wings we could and piled up the entire table with chicken bones. Sorry for the restaurant owner. Next time when he saw us coming, he would close the restaurant temporarily.
End of hard labor for me in this life. 
& 
An orange never looks the same to me from then on.
Friday, July 17, 2009
一個風水師
一個風水師談陳振聰 (最後一段為精要所在！)
陳琪丰
秦漢時期有赤松子、黃 石公、張子房。張子房便是替劉邦打天下的軍師張良，封為漢留侯。張良因暗殺秦始皇失敗，為躲避追查而改名。張良與蕭何、韓信同為漢初三傑，最後功成引退， 其操守高節，深得後人景仰。王安石有詩詠張良云：「留侯美好如婦人，五世相韓韓入秦。傾家為主合壯士，博浪沙中擊秦帝」。
南北朝時期有郭璞，他是晉代學者、文學家，後因勸阻王敦圖逆，被害。高風亮節的郭璞是歷史上第一個給風水定義的人，他在《葬書》中云：葬者，乘生氣也。氣乘風則散，界水則止。古人聚之使不散，行之使有止，故謂之風水。後人都視郭璞為風水史上之鼻祖。
取之有道專業自持
唐朝的風水學開始大放異彩，風水名師計有楊筠松、曾求己、廖三傳等。其中楊筠松更享有楊求貧的美稱，以風水學去救急扶危，深為後世後學所稱譽。五代時有曾文遄、劉江東、廖瑀等人。由宋至元朝，陳希夷、吳 景鑾、廖金精、賴布衣等亦是名師輩出，其中吳景鑾亦因奏言過直，皇帝不悅而招至下獄。到了明代，最著名當然是朱元璋的國師劉基劉伯溫，大家都可能聽過他推 斷國運的《燒餅歌》了。去到清代，蔣大鴻、章仲山、沈竹礽、談養吾、尤惜陰等名師。其中蔣大鴻、章仲山、沈竹礽等更將紫白飛訣發揚光大，即現今風水師多採 的玄空飛星，而蔣大鴻更是明末抗清，一個清操高尚的名臣。
我特別把歷 代著名風水師高尚的道德操守寫出來，好讓大家知道以前的風水師除了飽學詩書之外，更是重氣節、守情操的人，還抱有俠義之心，對大是大非的問題毫不含糊。他 們雖是受到命運安排，以風水學識為業糊口養家，但他們大都以取之有道的專業操守自持，不會貪得無厭，絕不會用欺詐手段去騙財騙色，若遇到那些孤寡無依的 人，更會不收分毫去幫人。
騙財騙色七宗罪
我雖然研修風水術數十多年，並不以它為業，但寫一些術數文章，勉强是半個術界中人。坦白講，現時所見的風水師，在道德和操守方面而言，的確是良莠不齊。今時今日還有風水師為了錢，更不惜來一個死無對證，自說與客人的一段情，製造客人餽贈巨額風錢底因，好讓別人接納其為遺產受益人身份的認受性和可信性。我相信，全城99％的人，不分男女，都不屑這些惡行，因已嚴重地令風水業界蒙羞！我就是忍不住要指出此人的七宗罪。
綜合來說，這位風水師犯了七宗罪。將客人資料外洩，騙財騙色，是為不忠；其人的行為更令母親擔心不已，是為不孝；叫客人燒錢而不將錢捐出做善事以減輕罪孽，反而加深客人的罪孽，是為不仁；乘人之危，收取超巨額金錢，是為不義；聲稱深愛客人，卻在客人死後毁 其名節以圖私利，是為不恥；已詐取客人十世都用不完的金錢後，還要貪婪地攖奪客人為善的遺產，豈不知就算客人真的有情於你，難道便會把一心為善的金錢全部 轉贈於你嗎？是為不智；不去建立一個正面的父親形象給兒子學習，是為不慈。這種不忠不孝、不仁不義和不慈的風水師，今年應有報應，因為五黃大災星飛到北 方，北方為坎卦，坎為黑色，主神祕，風水師亦屬坎卦，這名風水師名字中有屬坎卦的字，加強應數的機會，明年2月4日前，自有分曉。
Brick for you violators
Click here for the funny scene in China.
Quite funny! Did not surprise me at all. I saw a motor cyclist was beaten up badly by pedestrians.
Glad they’re not US citizens. Otherwise, they would be shot. Or in Tehran, otherwise they would be bombed.
Is it class conflict (those who have and those who do not) or age conflict (old folks jealous of young folks) or political conflict (left way against right way)?
logical logic
A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case.
The Problem was who should get custody of the child.
The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought The child into the world with all the pain and labor.
The child Should be in my custody."
The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to Say in your defense?"
The man sat for a while contemplating...then slowly rose. "Your Honor... If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi Comes out...
Whose Pepsi is it... The machine's or mine?"
The Problem was who should get custody of the child.
The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought The child into the world with all the pain and labor.
The child Should be in my custody."
The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to Say in your defense?"
The man sat for a while contemplating...then slowly rose. "Your Honor... If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi Comes out...
Whose Pepsi is it... The machine's or mine?"
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Suicidal blonde
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her.
'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.
'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?'
'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'
'So then?' asked the doctor.
'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'
'So then?'
'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.
50 health hints (in Chinese)
01、聰明地鍛煉
> 如果你在健身館裏只知道發狠用勁的話，最好不要浪費時間。一般來講，十個人中只有一個人瞭解正確的健身方法，絕大多數人的鍛煉目的似乎只是讓自己疲勞，這種方法很容易受傷，而且收穫甚微，最好是對自己的鍛煉方法進行一次正確的評估。
> 02、多騎自行車
> 人們應該多騎自行車，以中速騎車，對心肺功能的提高很有幫助，對減肥也有特效。
>
> 03、散步半小時儘量每周散步四到五次，每次三十到四十分鐘，這對身體非常有益，有規律的活動有助於身體健康，還具有減肥功效。
> 無需花費鉅資參加健身俱樂部，只要買一雙舒 適的鞋穿就行了。
> 04、多走樓梯
> 最好少搭電梯，多走樓梯。爬樓梯是一種非常好的鍛煉形式，對心血管有益，還可以改善你的腿部肌肉。此外，腹部肌肉也會得到鍛煉。
>
> 05、保持正確的行走姿勢
> 保持正確的行走和坐立姿勢，對健康非常有益；很多人都養成了懶散的壞習慣，一些不良姿勢會導致背部痙攣和頭疼等毛病。
> 請在行走時放鬆雙肩，保持頸部直立、骨盆肌肉緊張，挺胸收腹，這樣你就會看起來更棒一些，自我感覺也會更好。
>
> 06、經常伸伸脖子
> 每天最好輕輕地伸一伸脖子，很多慢性頭疼病都是由於頸骨接合處和神經損傷引起的，而人們長時間保持坐姿，也最容易引發這種損傷。儘量將下巴壓低，抵住胸口，使兩耳 低於雙肩，這樣可以幫助你預防或減輕頭疼。
>
> 07、要吃好早餐
> 也許在此之前你都不怎麽吃早餐，但現在請不要這樣了。
> 吃一些麥片粥或牛奶，它們可以緩慢釋放糖分，使你不會在午餐之前，就感到肚子空空如也。
>
> 08、多吃有機食品
> 人們應該儘量多吃有機食品，即使是有機的根莖蔬菜也好。
> 這些食物對身體健康非常有好處，種植方便、成本低，味道也不錯。
>
> 09、多吃核桃
> 大家應該多吃核桃，它的脂肪含量低，是最好的堅果類食品。
> 最近的研究發現，常吃核桃可延長壽命五到十年。它們可以保護心臟，降低膽固醇。
>
> 10、少喝碳酸飲料
> 牙科醫生警告宣稱，最好少喝碳酸飲料，因爲這些飲料中的酸 性物質，會慢慢地腐蝕牙齒表面保護層，這在兒童中是很常見的一個現象，因爲很多家長都認爲碳酸飲料不會對牙齒産生任何危害。
> 果汁中也含有酸性物質和果糖等，因此最好在飲用之前，先用三分之二的水稀釋一下。
> 11、多吃魚
> 多吃鯖魚、沙丁魚和鮭魚等深海魚類是最好的，每周以吃兩次爲宜。
> 魚油中發現的Omega3長鏈脂肪酸，似乎是無病不治，對關節炎、癡呆症、皮膚病等都有好處。如果你需要熬夜惡補的話，最好多吃些魚油。
>
> 12、食用更多的酸酵母
> 每天早上最好吃一片加乳酪的麵包。
> 乳酪中富含葉酸，這是一種維生素Ｂ，可以解決貧血症和腸類疾病等問題。考慮懷孕的女性應該多服用葉酸，因爲它可以幫助防止某些孕期的疾病。
> 13、多吃綠色食品
> 提高礦物質「硒」的攝取量，可以保護人體免受癌症和免疫系統疾病的困擾，因爲硒元素，對於清除血液中的致癌分子來說，非常有效。
> 深綠色葉菜和根莖菜中富含硒元素，可惜的是絕大多數人在日常生活中，都很少食用這些蔬菜。
> 大家需要記住一點，食補是最好的進補方式。
> 14、補充更多的維生素Ｃ
> 建議大家每天服用一千毫克的維生素Ｃ，這樣可以全天保持充沛體力，同時還可以少患感冒。
> 15 、爲懷孕做好充分準備
> 如果你計劃今年懷孕生孩子，請馬上開始健康的生活方式，遠離化學污染。准媽媽們應該戒酒，並保持均衡的飲食。
> 16、聽自己的「心聲」
> 經常聽聽你的「心聲」，看看你的心臟在告訴你什麽資訊。
> 休息時，如果胸部出現短暫疼痛，你可以不用擔心。
> 但是如果你在正常的活動中，或 在步入辦公室的時候，發現此類疼痛，即使它們並不劇烈，而你卻感到呼吸短促，這時最好去看醫生，因爲你的身體在告訴你，可能出現了一些問題。
> 17、不要壓抑自己
> 不要刻意控制自己的情緒，不要在意人們說些什麽，哭泣也並不是什麽脆弱的表現，至少它是一種在意與關心的體現，是一種關愛與關懷的證明。發泄出自己的感情，要比壓抑它們好得多。
> 18、表達自己
> 人們應該找到自己富於創造性的一面，這樣可以提高自己創造性思維，成年人通常不會表達自己的創造性，因爲他們害怕失敗，他們已經開始認爲，最重要的事就是做正確的事情，如果你學會以不同角度來看待問題的話，你就不會遇到表達困難或其他傷腦筋的問題了。
> 19、盡情地唱歌
> 音樂是一種創造性的活動，可以愉悅身心。
> 有研究證明，唱歌可以促進一種感覺良好的荷爾蒙的産生，有益於身體健康。
> 20、記筆記
> 要經常在身邊放上一個筆記本和一支筆，每當你在睡覺時，突然想起什麽事時，就可以隨手將它們記下來， 然後安心睡個好覺。
> 早上醒來時，你可以從一種更爲清醒的角度，來思考晚上想到的問題。
> 21、每天睡八小時
> 每天保持八小時的睡眠是很重要的 ，很多人似乎永遠處於欠睡眠狀態，儘量不要熬夜。 想要早睡的話，最好不要喝酒，這樣才能得到一個真正熟睡的夜晚。
> 22、關懷雙腳
> 英國肌肉與骨骼醫學研究所的皮特．斯庫建議說，最好每天晚上都蜷著雙腳（就像雙手握拳一樣），用雙腳外腳掌著地保持平衡，行走十分鐘。這種練習可以提高平衡能力，增強腳弓和腳踝的力量，幫助你解決平常穿高跟鞋（或不舒適的平底鞋），所造成的腳部損傷問題。
> 冬天的晚上，熱水泡腳，避免手腳冰冷，對於促進迴圈很有幫助，可以減輕心臟負擔。
> 23、及時進行身體檢查
> 男性到了四十五歲以後，都應該定期檢查自己的攝護腺，無論是否發生病變。如果癌症在及時被發現，還是可以 治療的。
> 男人們不應該像鴕鳥一樣，把自己的頭埋在沙子裏，裝作事不關己的樣子，畢竟到醫生那裏進行檢查，也不是什麽難事。
> 24、增強骨骼強度
> 健身專家提醒，請關注自己的骨骼發育，避免骨質疏鬆症，五十歲的女性中有三分之一都患有這種病，這種病是可以預防的；實驗證明，負重練習可以有效增強骨質健康。園藝、家務和爬樓梯等活動效果都不錯，而抽煙則會導致骨質疏鬆。
> 25、少用漂白劑
> 最好扔掉家中的漂白劑和清潔劑等，這些物品中都含有害化學成分。
> 多花些體力，使用一些檸檬汁或醋，也可達到相同的洗滌效果。
> 家中的化學物品越少越好，有研究發現：兒童哮喘病與清潔産品的揮發性物質，有著直接的關係。
> 26、留住耳垢
> 最好不要用棉花棒清潔內耳的耳垢，很多人都是在掏耳朵時造成耳部受傷；在掏出耳垢時，也有可能引發感染。在某些情況下，還 可能損害耳鼓。其實耳朵具有自清能力，耳垢可以在無需外力幫助的情況下，會自動撥落清除。
> 27、進行掃描檢查
> 如果你是一名已婚女性的話，趕快去婦科進行一次衣原體（泌尿生殖系統感染）掃描檢查吧！最好帶上你的那一位，因爲他也有可能攜帶病菌。有４％的成人會感染 到這種病菌，但卻毫無症狀。衣原體病菌很容易治療，但是如果不予理睬的話，它可能會導致宮頸疤痕，阻礙精子行進，造成不孕。
> 28、善待你的眼睛
> 結膜炎這種病的交叉感染很普遍，甚至擦一擦眼睛，或是碰一下門把手，都有 可能將疾病傳染給他人。請在擦眼或用藥之後清洗雙手，使用專用毛巾，不要與他人共用。
> 29、躲在陰涼裏
> 請儘量避免陽光強烈直射。紫外線能夠破壞皮膚的膠原質和彈性蛋白，加速皮膚老化，促進皺紋的産生。最好享受柔和的陽光，陽光可以幫助人體産生維生素D ，它對於骨骼生長和牙齒健康，非常有益。
> 30、扔掉所有垃圾
> 建議大家扔掉所有多餘、無用的東西，亂東西過多會影響你的腦力健康，如果你的床下已經沒有任何空間，衣櫃裏也已爆滿 的話，就足可證明你的垃圾太多了，到了該清理的時 候了。
> 31、8歲 決定女性生育能力。
> 此時的激素分泌和黃體酮的水準會對她的一生産生影響，因此要避免劇烈的體育運動，飲食一定要跟上。
> 32、10歲女性青春期萌芽。
> 40%的骨骼在此時以衝刺的速度形成，攝入足夠的鈣是至關重要的。
> 多食用乳製品、多做運動，避免肥胖。
> 33、 17歲智齒發育。
> 出現口腔疾病，使用漱口水或淡鹽水漱口消炎鎮痛，必要時使用撲熱息痛和阿司匹林。
> 34、25歲骨骼發育達到頂點。
> 要攝入足夠的鈣和維生素D，一般地說，每天要喝一瓶牛奶或優酪乳，並多曬太陽以獲得維生素 D。
> 35、28歲男性開始脫髮。
> 睾丸激素的水準變化是毛囊萎縮的主要原因，注意早餐中蛋白質的攝入，多食用雞蛋和瘦肉可以延緩毛囊的萎縮。
> 36、30歲新陳代謝能力下降，開始發胖。
> 每天少攝入200卡路里的熱量，可以防止身體走形。
> 37、34歲女性最佳生育年齡。
> 此時生育可以使母嬰都更健康，母親更長壽。每天服用葉酸對母嬰健康都有好處。
> 38、35歲 白髮開始出現。
> 這是毛囊中的黑色素細胞不活躍造成的，服用B群維生素可以延緩白髮的生成，並且也有緩解精神壓力的作用。
> 39、40歲男性生育能力下降。
> 無論母親是否年輕，此時受孕的嬰兒其流産率都會增高。讓睾丸保持較低的溫度，是提高精子存活率的關鍵。多攝入富含鋅、硒、維生素C、維生素 E的食物?鉥ㄟ的諵l的活力。
> 40、41歲骨質疏鬆的迹象開始出現。
> 加強鍛煉，每 周做有氧運動， 例如跳舞、跑步等，快走四五次。
> 41、42歲大腦進入中年期，腦細胞每天流失1萬個。
> 隨著迴圈能力的下降，腦部供氧減少，記憶力受到影響。經常讀書、下棋，彈奏樂器都可以幫助我們保持頭腦的敏銳。
> 42、46 歲開始出現老花眼的症狀。
> 這是眼睛的聚焦能力下降造成的，雖然老花眼不能抗拒，但是戒煙可以避免進一步的問題，特別是白內障的發生。
> 43、50歲開始出現帕金森症。
> 多攝入富含維生素E的食物，如橄欖油、瓜子和杏仁。
> 44 、51歲是女性更年期的平均年齡。
> 改掉喝咖啡的習慣，換成茶或果茶，同時多攝入鈣。
> 45、59歲容易受到皮膚病的威脅。
> 避免皮膚在陽光下暴曬，冬天最好也使用低倍數的防曬霜。
> 46 、60歲白內障問題突出。
> 多吃扁豆、豆芽、捲心菜、萵筍、奇異果、蜜瓜等食物，注意眼部異常。
> 47、63歲是女性卵巢癌的平均年齡。
> 最好多吃花椰菜。十字花科的蔬菜中所含的蛋白質，
> 對卵巢癌細胞有抑制作用。
> 48、68歲是關節置換手?
> N的平均年齡。
> 控制體重，過重的體重會增加關節負擔，誘發骨關節炎。
> 49、70歲是英國腸癌的平均年齡。
> 多吃藍莓，或其他高纖維的食物可防止癌變。
> 50、75歲大部分人會有高血壓。
> 高血壓會誘發心臟病和中風，要定期檢查血壓。
> 51、76歲 是英國男性的平均壽命。
> 降低飯量可以更長壽，還可以減少包括癌症等疾病的發生。
> 52、81歲是英國女性的平均壽命。
> 節制飲 食，多吃蔬菜和水果，適度吃魚，使用橄欖油，
> 適度地飲用葡萄酒。
> 53、高擡貴腿！
> 只聽說過高擡貴手，這「高擡貴腿」卻也是有效的健身之道。
> 據報載，英國女王伊麗莎白年過古稀，但看上去比她的實際年齡年輕的多，其奧妙所在，就是她掌握了「高擡貴腿」的健身之道，
> 每天抽出幾分鐘，愉快地把雙腿高高架起，喝上一杯茶，藉以鬆弛全身。近年來，國外醫學專家也指出，只要每天高擡下肢２～３次，
> 每次５～１０分鐘，就會使全身，尤其是腿部、心臟、頭部大受益處。
> 專家們研究指出，當一個人的雙腿翹起，高於心臟之後，腳和腿部的血液産生回流，減輕大腦耗氧量，大小腿得到放鬆，同時有利於心肺的保健。
> 54、高擡貴手。 當您用心看完 本家族信後，若覺得這封信對您的親朋好友有幫助的話，就請您"高擡貴手"將這封醫學諮詢站家族信轉寄送給您的親朋好友。
>
> 如果你在健身館裏只知道發狠用勁的話，最好不要浪費時間。一般來講，十個人中只有一個人瞭解正確的健身方法，絕大多數人的鍛煉目的似乎只是讓自己疲勞，這種方法很容易受傷，而且收穫甚微，最好是對自己的鍛煉方法進行一次正確的評估。
> 02、多騎自行車
> 人們應該多騎自行車，以中速騎車，對心肺功能的提高很有幫助，對減肥也有特效。
>
> 03、散步半小時儘量每周散步四到五次，每次三十到四十分鐘，這對身體非常有益，有規律的活動有助於身體健康，還具有減肥功效。
> 無需花費鉅資參加健身俱樂部，只要買一雙舒 適的鞋穿就行了。
> 04、多走樓梯
> 最好少搭電梯，多走樓梯。爬樓梯是一種非常好的鍛煉形式，對心血管有益，還可以改善你的腿部肌肉。此外，腹部肌肉也會得到鍛煉。
>
> 05、保持正確的行走姿勢
> 保持正確的行走和坐立姿勢，對健康非常有益；很多人都養成了懶散的壞習慣，一些不良姿勢會導致背部痙攣和頭疼等毛病。
> 請在行走時放鬆雙肩，保持頸部直立、骨盆肌肉緊張，挺胸收腹，這樣你就會看起來更棒一些，自我感覺也會更好。
>
> 06、經常伸伸脖子
> 每天最好輕輕地伸一伸脖子，很多慢性頭疼病都是由於頸骨接合處和神經損傷引起的，而人們長時間保持坐姿，也最容易引發這種損傷。儘量將下巴壓低，抵住胸口，使兩耳 低於雙肩，這樣可以幫助你預防或減輕頭疼。
>
> 07、要吃好早餐
> 也許在此之前你都不怎麽吃早餐，但現在請不要這樣了。
> 吃一些麥片粥或牛奶，它們可以緩慢釋放糖分，使你不會在午餐之前，就感到肚子空空如也。
>
> 08、多吃有機食品
> 人們應該儘量多吃有機食品，即使是有機的根莖蔬菜也好。
> 這些食物對身體健康非常有好處，種植方便、成本低，味道也不錯。
>
> 09、多吃核桃
> 大家應該多吃核桃，它的脂肪含量低，是最好的堅果類食品。
> 最近的研究發現，常吃核桃可延長壽命五到十年。它們可以保護心臟，降低膽固醇。
>
> 10、少喝碳酸飲料
> 牙科醫生警告宣稱，最好少喝碳酸飲料，因爲這些飲料中的酸 性物質，會慢慢地腐蝕牙齒表面保護層，這在兒童中是很常見的一個現象，因爲很多家長都認爲碳酸飲料不會對牙齒産生任何危害。
> 果汁中也含有酸性物質和果糖等，因此最好在飲用之前，先用三分之二的水稀釋一下。
> 11、多吃魚
> 多吃鯖魚、沙丁魚和鮭魚等深海魚類是最好的，每周以吃兩次爲宜。
> 魚油中發現的Omega3長鏈脂肪酸，似乎是無病不治，對關節炎、癡呆症、皮膚病等都有好處。如果你需要熬夜惡補的話，最好多吃些魚油。
>
> 12、食用更多的酸酵母
> 每天早上最好吃一片加乳酪的麵包。
> 乳酪中富含葉酸，這是一種維生素Ｂ，可以解決貧血症和腸類疾病等問題。考慮懷孕的女性應該多服用葉酸，因爲它可以幫助防止某些孕期的疾病。
> 13、多吃綠色食品
> 提高礦物質「硒」的攝取量，可以保護人體免受癌症和免疫系統疾病的困擾，因爲硒元素，對於清除血液中的致癌分子來說，非常有效。
> 深綠色葉菜和根莖菜中富含硒元素，可惜的是絕大多數人在日常生活中，都很少食用這些蔬菜。
> 大家需要記住一點，食補是最好的進補方式。
> 14、補充更多的維生素Ｃ
> 建議大家每天服用一千毫克的維生素Ｃ，這樣可以全天保持充沛體力，同時還可以少患感冒。
> 15 、爲懷孕做好充分準備
> 如果你計劃今年懷孕生孩子，請馬上開始健康的生活方式，遠離化學污染。准媽媽們應該戒酒，並保持均衡的飲食。
> 16、聽自己的「心聲」
> 經常聽聽你的「心聲」，看看你的心臟在告訴你什麽資訊。
> 休息時，如果胸部出現短暫疼痛，你可以不用擔心。
> 但是如果你在正常的活動中，或 在步入辦公室的時候，發現此類疼痛，即使它們並不劇烈，而你卻感到呼吸短促，這時最好去看醫生，因爲你的身體在告訴你，可能出現了一些問題。
> 17、不要壓抑自己
> 不要刻意控制自己的情緒，不要在意人們說些什麽，哭泣也並不是什麽脆弱的表現，至少它是一種在意與關心的體現，是一種關愛與關懷的證明。發泄出自己的感情，要比壓抑它們好得多。
> 18、表達自己
> 人們應該找到自己富於創造性的一面，這樣可以提高自己創造性思維，成年人通常不會表達自己的創造性，因爲他們害怕失敗，他們已經開始認爲，最重要的事就是做正確的事情，如果你學會以不同角度來看待問題的話，你就不會遇到表達困難或其他傷腦筋的問題了。
> 19、盡情地唱歌
> 音樂是一種創造性的活動，可以愉悅身心。
> 有研究證明，唱歌可以促進一種感覺良好的荷爾蒙的産生，有益於身體健康。
> 20、記筆記
> 要經常在身邊放上一個筆記本和一支筆，每當你在睡覺時，突然想起什麽事時，就可以隨手將它們記下來， 然後安心睡個好覺。
> 早上醒來時，你可以從一種更爲清醒的角度，來思考晚上想到的問題。
> 21、每天睡八小時
> 每天保持八小時的睡眠是很重要的 ，很多人似乎永遠處於欠睡眠狀態，儘量不要熬夜。 想要早睡的話，最好不要喝酒，這樣才能得到一個真正熟睡的夜晚。
> 22、關懷雙腳
> 英國肌肉與骨骼醫學研究所的皮特．斯庫建議說，最好每天晚上都蜷著雙腳（就像雙手握拳一樣），用雙腳外腳掌著地保持平衡，行走十分鐘。這種練習可以提高平衡能力，增強腳弓和腳踝的力量，幫助你解決平常穿高跟鞋（或不舒適的平底鞋），所造成的腳部損傷問題。
> 冬天的晚上，熱水泡腳，避免手腳冰冷，對於促進迴圈很有幫助，可以減輕心臟負擔。
> 23、及時進行身體檢查
> 男性到了四十五歲以後，都應該定期檢查自己的攝護腺，無論是否發生病變。如果癌症在及時被發現，還是可以 治療的。
> 男人們不應該像鴕鳥一樣，把自己的頭埋在沙子裏，裝作事不關己的樣子，畢竟到醫生那裏進行檢查，也不是什麽難事。
> 24、增強骨骼強度
> 健身專家提醒，請關注自己的骨骼發育，避免骨質疏鬆症，五十歲的女性中有三分之一都患有這種病，這種病是可以預防的；實驗證明，負重練習可以有效增強骨質健康。園藝、家務和爬樓梯等活動效果都不錯，而抽煙則會導致骨質疏鬆。
> 25、少用漂白劑
> 最好扔掉家中的漂白劑和清潔劑等，這些物品中都含有害化學成分。
> 多花些體力，使用一些檸檬汁或醋，也可達到相同的洗滌效果。
> 家中的化學物品越少越好，有研究發現：兒童哮喘病與清潔産品的揮發性物質，有著直接的關係。
> 26、留住耳垢
> 最好不要用棉花棒清潔內耳的耳垢，很多人都是在掏耳朵時造成耳部受傷；在掏出耳垢時，也有可能引發感染。在某些情況下，還 可能損害耳鼓。其實耳朵具有自清能力，耳垢可以在無需外力幫助的情況下，會自動撥落清除。
> 27、進行掃描檢查
> 如果你是一名已婚女性的話，趕快去婦科進行一次衣原體（泌尿生殖系統感染）掃描檢查吧！最好帶上你的那一位，因爲他也有可能攜帶病菌。有４％的成人會感染 到這種病菌，但卻毫無症狀。衣原體病菌很容易治療，但是如果不予理睬的話，它可能會導致宮頸疤痕，阻礙精子行進，造成不孕。
> 28、善待你的眼睛
> 結膜炎這種病的交叉感染很普遍，甚至擦一擦眼睛，或是碰一下門把手，都有 可能將疾病傳染給他人。請在擦眼或用藥之後清洗雙手，使用專用毛巾，不要與他人共用。
> 29、躲在陰涼裏
> 請儘量避免陽光強烈直射。紫外線能夠破壞皮膚的膠原質和彈性蛋白，加速皮膚老化，促進皺紋的産生。最好享受柔和的陽光，陽光可以幫助人體産生維生素D ，它對於骨骼生長和牙齒健康，非常有益。
> 30、扔掉所有垃圾
> 建議大家扔掉所有多餘、無用的東西，亂東西過多會影響你的腦力健康，如果你的床下已經沒有任何空間，衣櫃裏也已爆滿 的話，就足可證明你的垃圾太多了，到了該清理的時 候了。
> 31、8歲 決定女性生育能力。
> 此時的激素分泌和黃體酮的水準會對她的一生産生影響，因此要避免劇烈的體育運動，飲食一定要跟上。
> 32、10歲女性青春期萌芽。
> 40%的骨骼在此時以衝刺的速度形成，攝入足夠的鈣是至關重要的。
> 多食用乳製品、多做運動，避免肥胖。
> 33、 17歲智齒發育。
> 出現口腔疾病，使用漱口水或淡鹽水漱口消炎鎮痛，必要時使用撲熱息痛和阿司匹林。
> 34、25歲骨骼發育達到頂點。
> 要攝入足夠的鈣和維生素D，一般地說，每天要喝一瓶牛奶或優酪乳，並多曬太陽以獲得維生素 D。
> 35、28歲男性開始脫髮。
> 睾丸激素的水準變化是毛囊萎縮的主要原因，注意早餐中蛋白質的攝入，多食用雞蛋和瘦肉可以延緩毛囊的萎縮。
> 36、30歲新陳代謝能力下降，開始發胖。
> 每天少攝入200卡路里的熱量，可以防止身體走形。
> 37、34歲女性最佳生育年齡。
> 此時生育可以使母嬰都更健康，母親更長壽。每天服用葉酸對母嬰健康都有好處。
> 38、35歲 白髮開始出現。
> 這是毛囊中的黑色素細胞不活躍造成的，服用B群維生素可以延緩白髮的生成，並且也有緩解精神壓力的作用。
> 39、40歲男性生育能力下降。
> 無論母親是否年輕，此時受孕的嬰兒其流産率都會增高。讓睾丸保持較低的溫度，是提高精子存活率的關鍵。多攝入富含鋅、硒、維生素C、維生素 E的食物?鉥ㄟ的諵l的活力。
> 40、41歲骨質疏鬆的迹象開始出現。
> 加強鍛煉，每 周做有氧運動， 例如跳舞、跑步等，快走四五次。
> 41、42歲大腦進入中年期，腦細胞每天流失1萬個。
> 隨著迴圈能力的下降，腦部供氧減少，記憶力受到影響。經常讀書、下棋，彈奏樂器都可以幫助我們保持頭腦的敏銳。
> 42、46 歲開始出現老花眼的症狀。
> 這是眼睛的聚焦能力下降造成的，雖然老花眼不能抗拒，但是戒煙可以避免進一步的問題，特別是白內障的發生。
> 43、50歲開始出現帕金森症。
> 多攝入富含維生素E的食物，如橄欖油、瓜子和杏仁。
> 44 、51歲是女性更年期的平均年齡。
> 改掉喝咖啡的習慣，換成茶或果茶，同時多攝入鈣。
> 45、59歲容易受到皮膚病的威脅。
> 避免皮膚在陽光下暴曬，冬天最好也使用低倍數的防曬霜。
> 46 、60歲白內障問題突出。
> 多吃扁豆、豆芽、捲心菜、萵筍、奇異果、蜜瓜等食物，注意眼部異常。
> 47、63歲是女性卵巢癌的平均年齡。
> 最好多吃花椰菜。十字花科的蔬菜中所含的蛋白質，
> 對卵巢癌細胞有抑制作用。
> 48、68歲是關節置換手?
> N的平均年齡。
> 控制體重，過重的體重會增加關節負擔，誘發骨關節炎。
> 49、70歲是英國腸癌的平均年齡。
> 多吃藍莓，或其他高纖維的食物可防止癌變。
> 50、75歲大部分人會有高血壓。
> 高血壓會誘發心臟病和中風，要定期檢查血壓。
> 51、76歲 是英國男性的平均壽命。
> 降低飯量可以更長壽，還可以減少包括癌症等疾病的發生。
> 52、81歲是英國女性的平均壽命。
> 節制飲 食，多吃蔬菜和水果，適度吃魚，使用橄欖油，
> 適度地飲用葡萄酒。
> 53、高擡貴腿！
> 只聽說過高擡貴手，這「高擡貴腿」卻也是有效的健身之道。
> 據報載，英國女王伊麗莎白年過古稀，但看上去比她的實際年齡年輕的多，其奧妙所在，就是她掌握了「高擡貴腿」的健身之道，
> 每天抽出幾分鐘，愉快地把雙腿高高架起，喝上一杯茶，藉以鬆弛全身。近年來，國外醫學專家也指出，只要每天高擡下肢２～３次，
> 每次５～１０分鐘，就會使全身，尤其是腿部、心臟、頭部大受益處。
> 專家們研究指出，當一個人的雙腿翹起，高於心臟之後，腳和腿部的血液産生回流，減輕大腦耗氧量，大小腿得到放鬆，同時有利於心肺的保健。
> 54、高擡貴手。 當您用心看完 本家族信後，若覺得這封信對您的親朋好友有幫助的話，就請您"高擡貴手"將這封醫學諮詢站家族信轉寄送給您的親朋好友。
>
The $100 bill
The hotel proprietor takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the 100 dollar bill, and runs to pay his debt to the hog farmer.
The hog farmer takes the 100 dollar bill, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.
The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her "services" on credit.
The prostitute runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 dollar bill to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 dollar bill back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.
At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 dollar bill, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.
No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States government is doing business today.
Talking Australian clock
Proudly showing off his newly-leased downtown apartment to a couple of friends late one night, a drunk Maori led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong hanging on the wall.
![[]](http://us.mg1.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f92268%5fALEIw0MAAN9DSkuwxQDF9jw0qck&pid=2.2&fid=Inbox&inline=1&stationery=1)
'What's that big brass gong for?' one of the friends asked.
'Issss nod a gong. Issss a talking Australian clock' he drunkenly replied.
'A talking Australian clock - seriously?'
'Yup.' 'Hmmm (hic).'
'How's it work?' the second friend asked, squinting at it.
'Just watch' he said.
He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an 'ear-shattering bash' and stepped back.
![[]](http://us.mg1.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f92268%5fALEIw0MAAN9DSkuwxQDF9jw0qck&pid=2.3&fid=Inbox&inline=1&stationery=1)
His three mates stood looking at one another for a moment in astounded silence.
Suddenly, an Australian voice from the other side of the wall screamed,
'For f*#k's sake, you stupid pri*#. It's ten past three in the f*#king morning!!!'
'What's that big brass gong for?' one of the friends asked.
'Issss nod a gong. Issss a talking Australian clock' he drunkenly replied.
'A talking Australian clock - seriously?'
'Yup.' 'Hmmm (hic).'
'How's it work?' the second friend asked, squinting at it.
'Just watch' he said.
He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an 'ear-shattering bash' and stepped back.
His three mates stood looking at one another for a moment in astounded silence.
Suddenly, an Australian voice from the other side of the wall screamed,
'For f*#k's sake, you stupid pri*#. It's ten past three in the f*#king morning!!!'
A shiny silver thermo
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos... it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.'
'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing.... I'm going to buy it!'
So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk.
'What's that,' he asked?
'Why, that's a thermos... it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,' she replied.
Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'
The blond replied...'Two popsicles and some coffee.'
Monday, July 13, 2009
Two bondes and a hammer
Carol and Donna were doing some carpentry work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?'
Carol explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.'
Donna got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!'
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
July Youtube
Hitler finds out Michael Jackson has died. From Irene
Taiwan Olympics from Tom. What is it.
New plane from Irene.
'Crazy' American working for peanuts in China.
Sarah Palin's Farewell Speech.
Taiwan Olympics from Tom. What is it.
New plane from Irene.
'Crazy' American working for peanuts in China.
Sarah Palin's Farewell Speech.
Lawyers, lawyers
These are from a book called Diso rd er in the American Courts. They are things people ACTUALLY said in court, wo rd for wo rd , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Enjoy!
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis (muscle weakness), does it affect
your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do..
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WI TNESS: Are you shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you for real? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a bea rd .
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like
to rephrase that?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh.....are you qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
And the best for last: DRUM ROLL PLEASE! . . . ...
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis (muscle weakness), does it affect
your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do..
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WI TNESS: Are you shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you for real? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a bea rd .
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like
to rephrase that?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh.....are you qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
And the best for last: DRUM ROLL PLEASE! . . . ...
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Inside and outside
An Ontario surgeon says: 'I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'
A Quebec surgeon responds: 'Oui, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'
The third surgeon from B.C. says: 'No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'
An Alberta surgeon chimes in: 'You know, I like construction workers... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'
But the Newfoundland surgeon shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable".
A Quebec surgeon responds: 'Oui, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'
The third surgeon from B.C. says: 'No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'
An Alberta surgeon chimes in: 'You know, I like construction workers... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'
But the Newfoundland surgeon shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable".
Chinese spying
When we adopt a country, we need to be faithful to her. Spying could be the worst crime to your adopted country.
The motives and consequences.
1. It gives Chinese immigrants and ABC bad names (a joke hiring a ABC as security head for a defense contractor).
2. Many jobs with security classification may not be opened to us and our children.
3. It is not ethical and how can the violators sleep.
4. If money is the motive, he/she should be prosecuted to the highest extend. There are cases like the one prosecuted for stealing the soundless submarine for China.
5. If it is dumb nationalism, his/her minds should be 'adjusted' and punished.
6. If s/he is a spy, it should be handled according to international spy law. I'm not saying CIA is not a spy organization.
There are exception cases. Sometimes I feel Chinese are prosecuted more than other nationals.
Chien, the rocket scientist, was a victim of American witch hunt of communists. I do not blame him that much and glad that China could get some valuable hands-on experience. My two cents.
The motives and consequences.
1. It gives Chinese immigrants and ABC bad names (a joke hiring a ABC as security head for a defense contractor).
2. Many jobs with security classification may not be opened to us and our children.
3. It is not ethical and how can the violators sleep.
4. If money is the motive, he/she should be prosecuted to the highest extend. There are cases like the one prosecuted for stealing the soundless submarine for China.
5. If it is dumb nationalism, his/her minds should be 'adjusted' and punished.
6. If s/he is a spy, it should be handled according to international spy law. I'm not saying CIA is not a spy organization.
There are exception cases. Sometimes I feel Chinese are prosecuted more than other nationals.
Chien, the rocket scientist, was a victim of American witch hunt of communists. I do not blame him that much and glad that China could get some valuable hands-on experience. My two cents.
Monday, July 6, 2009
一人一電郵 聲討無良議員
立法會保安事務委員會副主席涂謹申先生，香港人權監察羅沃啟先生:
兩位好，本人是一名前警務高級督察，就本年三月十七日，何文田馬頭圍配水庫警員擊斃一名南亞裔男子一案有以下意見。
兩位在案發後分別向不同的傳媒發表了意見，而本人覺得兩位的意見是對香港市民及香港警隊不負責任的。
首先是涂先生向傳媒說 “襲警南亞漢並非觸犯嚴重罪行的「殺人犯」，警員即使遇襲，亦可考慮暫時「掉頭走人」等候支援，容後與增援同袍合力將其制服，毋須即時開槍造成死傷。"
希望上述的言論不是真的由涂先生口中說出，要是真的由涂先生口中說出，那本人對涂先生的言論感到極端失望！
須知道警務人員在處理不同案件時，均有機會遇上襲擊，相信涂先生還記得2001年警員梁承恩在梨木樹邨處理一宗簡單不過的噪音投訴吧，最後他竟然遇上伏擊中槍身亡……….
警員朱振國在長沙灣的街頭進行截查疑人，結果遭人割頸，身受重傷，今天還在療養院中，相信他的下輩子也沒法過回正常人的生活………….
數年前幾名便裝人員在旺角火車橋下進行截查行動，結果給持槍悍匪槍傷……….
還有很多不幸的警員殉職、受傷的事例，一下子難以盡數。
警員在執勤時往往遇上不能預知的危險，當中包括突然其來的襲擊。就以何文田配水庫開槍一案來說，有關警員接報到場處理的是一宗滋擾案，到後來卻遇上襲擊，有市民把他當時遇襲的情況拍了下來，相信涂先生也在媒體上看過了。片段雖然模糊，但仍可見到有關警員已不斷的在現場避開疑人的襲擊，而且在開槍前還一再發出清晰的口頭警告，在沒有選擇的情況下他最終開了兩槍把疑人擊倒。
相信案發現場還有不少的市民 (至少還有拍下片段的市民吧)，要是有關警員如涂先生所說掉頭走人的話而給予疑人傷害其他在場人士的機會，那到時是否要由警隊負上責任呢？
須知道有關警員在開槍前曾用過警棍和胡椒噴霧器還不能把疑人制服，而開槍是最後一個把疑人控制的選擇。沒有一位警察願意開槍把別人殺死的，除非在自身及他人的安危受威脅下才作出這決定！
同樣地，沒有市民願意看到遇襲的警員掉頭走人或受傷害，更沒有人會接受因警員掉頭走人而令其他市民成為受傷害的人！
要是讓疑人傷害了甚至殺害在場人士而成為殺人犯才開槍，那會不會是太遲呢？要是涂先生當時在場而又被疑人所傷，那涂先生又有何感想？
羅沃啟先生曾說疑人是南亞裔人士不懂廣東話，有關警員用廣東話警告他，他可能不明白，現場亦沒有翻譯人員…….
羅先生這說法更令人啼笑皆非！
一 位穿著警服的人員給疑人襲擊，除非疑人是精神不健全的，否則誰也知道、明白襲擊警員是一項罪行，這個還須要甚麼翻譯人員去解釋嗎？就算疑人不是香港人也一 定懂吧！那一個國家的法律是容許市民襲擊穿著制服的警察的？羅先生可以告訴本人嗎？既然沒有其他國家容許，那不管有關警員用甚麼語言去警告疑人又有何分別 呢？
有關警員遇襲，在電光火石之間會考慮對方是甚麼國籍的嗎？還會考慮用甚麼語言去警告他嗎？要是疑人是不懂廣東話的四川人士，那是不是要用四川話警告他呢？這個世界有著不同國家的語言，單就是中國便有近三百種不同的方言，羅先生你又懂多少種方言或語言呢？
假設羅先生不懂游泳，你不少心墮下海中，岸上有些不明國籍的人士在觀看著，你向他們求救，在生死一線間你會選擇用甚麼語言和方言去求救？要不要找翻譯來幫你去表達呢？
還有羅先生說警方對種族敏感度不足，就這次事件而言，羅先生似乎是把事件拉到種族問題上去了，在世界各國，不管犯法者是那個國家、甚麼國籍的都應該跟據當地法例去處理，不能夠因疑人是其他國籍而有不同的處理方法。警員也是人，當遇到致命襲擊時有權同適當的武力去保護自己！
就是次事件而言，警員給疑人用椅子襲擊，椅子表面上看來似乎不是一件致命武器，但誰知道要是有關警員不開槍，他會受到甚麼程度的傷害？要是涂先查和羅先生對椅子的殺傷力有多大的殺傷有懷疑，可以叫你們的助力用盡力去拍打你們的身體及頭部，你們便知道其殺傷力有多大了！
我相信沒有人會願意看到遇襲警員掉頭走人，也不會願意看見執勤的警員或其他人士受到傷害的，在緊急關頭，警務人員有權為他人及自身安全作出適當的反應。
--
兩位好，本人是一名前警務高級督察，就本年三月十七日，何文田馬頭圍配水庫警員擊斃一名南亞裔男子一案有以下意見。
兩位在案發後分別向不同的傳媒發表了意見，而本人覺得兩位的意見是對香港市民及香港警隊不負責任的。
首先是涂先生向傳媒說 “襲警南亞漢並非觸犯嚴重罪行的「殺人犯」，警員即使遇襲，亦可考慮暫時「掉頭走人」等候支援，容後與增援同袍合力將其制服，毋須即時開槍造成死傷。"
希望上述的言論不是真的由涂先生口中說出，要是真的由涂先生口中說出，那本人對涂先生的言論感到極端失望！
須知道警務人員在處理不同案件時，均有機會遇上襲擊，相信涂先生還記得2001年警員梁承恩在梨木樹邨處理一宗簡單不過的噪音投訴吧，最後他竟然遇上伏擊中槍身亡……….
警員朱振國在長沙灣的街頭進行截查疑人，結果遭人割頸，身受重傷，今天還在療養院中，相信他的下輩子也沒法過回正常人的生活………….
數年前幾名便裝人員在旺角火車橋下進行截查行動，結果給持槍悍匪槍傷……….
還有很多不幸的警員殉職、受傷的事例，一下子難以盡數。
警員在執勤時往往遇上不能預知的危險，當中包括突然其來的襲擊。就以何文田配水庫開槍一案來說，有關警員接報到場處理的是一宗滋擾案，到後來卻遇上襲擊，有市民把他當時遇襲的情況拍了下來，相信涂先生也在媒體上看過了。片段雖然模糊，但仍可見到有關警員已不斷的在現場避開疑人的襲擊，而且在開槍前還一再發出清晰的口頭警告，在沒有選擇的情況下他最終開了兩槍把疑人擊倒。
相信案發現場還有不少的市民 (至少還有拍下片段的市民吧)，要是有關警員如涂先生所說掉頭走人的話而給予疑人傷害其他在場人士的機會，那到時是否要由警隊負上責任呢？
須知道有關警員在開槍前曾用過警棍和胡椒噴霧器還不能把疑人制服，而開槍是最後一個把疑人控制的選擇。沒有一位警察願意開槍把別人殺死的，除非在自身及他人的安危受威脅下才作出這決定！
同樣地，沒有市民願意看到遇襲的警員掉頭走人或受傷害，更沒有人會接受因警員掉頭走人而令其他市民成為受傷害的人！
要是讓疑人傷害了甚至殺害在場人士而成為殺人犯才開槍，那會不會是太遲呢？要是涂先生當時在場而又被疑人所傷，那涂先生又有何感想？
羅沃啟先生曾說疑人是南亞裔人士不懂廣東話，有關警員用廣東話警告他，他可能不明白，現場亦沒有翻譯人員…….
羅先生這說法更令人啼笑皆非！
一 位穿著警服的人員給疑人襲擊，除非疑人是精神不健全的，否則誰也知道、明白襲擊警員是一項罪行，這個還須要甚麼翻譯人員去解釋嗎？就算疑人不是香港人也一 定懂吧！那一個國家的法律是容許市民襲擊穿著制服的警察的？羅先生可以告訴本人嗎？既然沒有其他國家容許，那不管有關警員用甚麼語言去警告疑人又有何分別 呢？
有關警員遇襲，在電光火石之間會考慮對方是甚麼國籍的嗎？還會考慮用甚麼語言去警告他嗎？要是疑人是不懂廣東話的四川人士，那是不是要用四川話警告他呢？這個世界有著不同國家的語言，單就是中國便有近三百種不同的方言，羅先生你又懂多少種方言或語言呢？
假設羅先生不懂游泳，你不少心墮下海中，岸上有些不明國籍的人士在觀看著，你向他們求救，在生死一線間你會選擇用甚麼語言和方言去求救？要不要找翻譯來幫你去表達呢？
還有羅先生說警方對種族敏感度不足，就這次事件而言，羅先生似乎是把事件拉到種族問題上去了，在世界各國，不管犯法者是那個國家、甚麼國籍的都應該跟據當地法例去處理，不能夠因疑人是其他國籍而有不同的處理方法。警員也是人，當遇到致命襲擊時有權同適當的武力去保護自己！
就是次事件而言，警員給疑人用椅子襲擊，椅子表面上看來似乎不是一件致命武器，但誰知道要是有關警員不開槍，他會受到甚麼程度的傷害？要是涂先查和羅先生對椅子的殺傷力有多大的殺傷有懷疑，可以叫你們的助力用盡力去拍打你們的身體及頭部，你們便知道其殺傷力有多大了！
我相信沒有人會願意看到遇襲警員掉頭走人，也不會願意看見執勤的警員或其他人士受到傷害的，在緊急關頭，警務人員有權為他人及自身安全作出適當的反應。
--
乾隆皇帝解「夫」 字 太妙了
乾隆到江南巡視，見一農夫扛著鋤頭，就故意跟身邊的宰相張玉書開玩笑： 「這是什麼人？」
張回答說：「他是個農夫。」
乾隆又問：「農夫的『夫 』字怎麼寫？」
張順口答道：「就是二橫一撇一捺，轎夫之夫，孔夫子之夫，夫妻之夫，匹夫之夫都是這麼寫。」
不料乾隆聽後搖頭說：「你這個宰相，連這個夫字的寫法也辨別不清。」
乾隆皇帝說：
「 農夫 是刨土之人，上寫土字，下加人字；
轎 夫肩上扛竿，先寫人字，再加二根竹竿；
孔老 夫子 上通天文，下曉地理，這個夫字寫個天字出頭；
夫 妻是兩個人，先寫二字，後加人字；
匹 夫是指大丈夫，這個字先寫個大字，加一橫便是。
用法不同，寫法有別，不能混為一談啊。」
嗯，真有意思∼∼
Chinese music
Watched the July 4 Boston firework with music show. Feel a little down with the wonderful American music. America has about 500 years of civilization vs 5000 for Chinese. Our music is just behind in quantity and quality. Is it due to our lacking of the 2 extra half tones (5 vs 7) - my music knowledge is limited so I could use the wrong terms or we do not have a language to record music like the west does.
My friend Steve had an answer. Steve said that Chinese invented the two half tones and used by Europeans and Chinese forgot the whole idea.
There were many such great ideas in China and also in India. If we do not improve them, we would let others use them and pass us by. Many modern inventions such as oil drilling… were re-invented by the west from a documentary on TV. Luckily Chinese had written language to record such inventions.
There are several great comments.
Faster to go to YouTube other than from Irene's comment.
二胡 维也纳 中国艺术家 Vienna Chinese artists Wonderful and miserable 二泉映月
Serenade 小夜曲 (二胡) with Chinese artist playing a 2 string Chinese violinSunday, July 5, 2009
Tombstone Wit and Wisdom...
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